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Secrets that don't belong to you

(41 Posts)
00opsidia Sat 07-Sept-24 14:34:56

I don't like gossip and avoid telling anything about myself IRL to anyone who isn't "watertight", I'm an empathetic listener too.

This isn't a good thing for me. It's a good thing for people who confide in me. I've promised secrecy and I've kept other people's secrets but they have weighed heavy on me.

Sometimes the things I've heard have been so bad I thought they couldn't be true. I often wonder if other's have been in this position and how they dealt with it?

petra Sat 07-Sept-24 18:54:46

It’s been my experience that when someone tells you that you’re the only person who knows the secret: you very rarely are.

aggie Sat 07-Sept-24 19:06:57

When any one try’s to tell me a secret I tell them I’m the biggest blabber mouth going ! I can’t keep a secret to save my life !

00opsidia Sat 07-Sept-24 19:45:08

My friend didn't tell me that I'm the only one who knows, they didn't need to. I just know it's not the sort of thing anyone would willingly admit.

There was complete trust. I don't know if any of their secrets will be revealed when their kids go through their things, but it won't come from me.

Esmay Sat 07-Sept-24 20:42:58

It's a massive secret .
What worries me is the teller told me with a guilty giggle hardly knowing me !
She's moved away .
I have no idea what happened .
She'd had her daughters quite late in life and was well off . She didn't want to rock the boat-but what a risk telling someone who is a new friend .
It's not the only secret I've kept .
Another friend had a serious affair with an old flame from her past .
Serious - because he wanted marriage .
She didn't tell her husband .
I've kept the secret for 30 years !

00opsidia Sat 07-Sept-24 21:15:10

That is a risk, Esmay, but I'm sure you come across as a very lovely person so she must have felt very safe with you. Those are serious secrets.

I have kept other secrets too, but the ones my friend told me are not like anything I've heard before. I wish I could not know. There is no one to tell now. I didn't ever get to know the kids, though they've got in touch to ask me if I knew anything about the cause of the suicide (I don't) It's kinder if they don't know who their parent was, so I'll never tell but just hope for their sakes that they never find evidence when clearing the house.

crazyH Sat 07-Sept-24 21:50:34

I have many friends, but none of them have confided their ‘secrets’ to me - either, they feel I’m a blabbermouth, or their lives are uncomplicated. My life is an open book. However, there are one or two things I wouldn’t like my children to know. If I want to get anything off my chest, I’d rather come here 😂

Whiff Sat 07-Sept-24 21:58:01

I am very good at keeping secrets other people tell me. And have kept some for decades. People know I don't judge or think poorly of them . We all have secrets many went to the grave when my husband died . But I don't feel keeping others people secrets a burden I feel honoured that they know they can trust me.

00opsidia Sat 07-Sept-24 22:04:38

Hi Whiff, it's nice to see you back. flowers

I'm sure we will all take some secrets with us. I do feel honoured in a way, it's just that what I was told was something I'd rather not have known as it was illegal.

Cabbie21 Sun 08-Sept-24 07:47:44

Do you ever think there are some secrets that should be shared?
I am surprised nobody commented on the secret my Mum was asked to keep - which she did, but felt awful about it.
Being told by her niece that she was dying but asked not to tell her parents was torture for my mum. Not that she wanted to break that awful news, but she felt it was wrong that they didn’t know. No chance to say goodbye.

Tizliz Sun 08-Sept-24 09:59:21

NonGrannyMoll - this happened to me and the person who shared his secret spent 20 mins yelling at me for betraying his confidence until I hung up and never spoke to him again. I knew who did betray him because the other person told me the 'secret'. I was really hurt that he thought it was me and it pains me even though he is dead now.

Tuaim Sun 08-Sept-24 10:06:37

I am too old now but the secret that would have always worried me was if a friend told me in my younger days she was having an affair and I had to meet her and her husband for dinner and he knew nothing about it. I think I may well remain silent and distance myself from her. If however, someone told me that she had had a child adopted because of a teenage pregnancy I would just keep silent and 'forget' she said it.

V3ra Sun 08-Sept-24 10:33:59

Cabbie21

Do you ever think there are some secrets that should be shared?
I am surprised nobody commented on the secret my Mum was asked to keep - which she did, but felt awful about it.
Being told by her niece that she was dying but asked not to tell her parents was torture for my mum. Not that she wanted to break that awful news, but she felt it was wrong that they didn’t know. No chance to say goodbye.

Your mum was in an impossible position. Her niece must have really trusted her and presumably it helped your niece to be able to share her sad news with someone close.
Maybe the upset of telling her own parents was too much to bear for her. A heavy burden for your mum, but a privilege at the same time.

Redhead56 Sun 08-Sept-24 10:55:27

I knew of an affair years ago I wasn’t comfortable when I met the wife of the guy who was being unfaithful. Little did I know at the time that he was aware of my husbands philandering.

Cabbie21 Sun 08-Sept-24 13:48:54

Thank you V3ra.

mabon1 Mon 16-Sept-24 13:51:47

A secret, the clue is in the word.