Help me de-stress please

Esmay

How many times have I met women , who are ill and relying on their husbands ?

One day of your cashmere jumpers on a boil wash , burnt dinners and Duplo vacuumed up by the hoover and they are tearing their hair out .
I once found my daughter's soiled nappies on top of the fridge .

I decided to teach my adolescent son how to do everything for himself .
His best friend's mother had him to stay and asked me how I achieved it .
But I taught him too well .
His wife does absolutely nothing.
Unless he does it , but can't always as he works full time and she doesn't-
they run out dishes and clothes .
The house is filthy to the point of being unhygienic .

Tonight , I'll see one of my friends .
I've known her for 30 years and she's always furious with her husband over chores .
Much as I like her I do think that she's completely unreasonable .
I know people , who hide from her .

Here's my de- stress remedy :
I have a large glass of wine , put on some Tamla Motown and dance or just move
Failing that - I listen and enjoy the music .
Or
I lose myself in a film .

But tonight after listening to my friend complaining about her husband - my nerves will feel as though they are the strings of Strad being played by a virtuoso !

Thank you. I don't complain about him per se. It's great you "house trained" your son. But a shame about his partner.

This is one problem with OH - he was never "house trained". Believe me I've tried over the last 16 years (since we met). With endless patience and understanding and explanation, and repetition without nagging. Please can you do this/not do this - time after time. It's like banging your head against a wall. He had 50 years of ingrained bachelor habits. In fact I don't think he'd still be alive if he hadn't met me! Wearing damp clothes made him ill a few times.

It has made things difficult. For years I just did everything myself rather than have the disasters. And now I can't. I ask nicely for him to do things - I even spell out specificially what I'm asking him to do so there is no misunderstanding - but it goes in one ear and out the other! I specifically said - when the washing is finished, can you please put it in the washing basket and then speak to me.

Just the practicalities first. Do you need or want to go away, or could you say you dont feel up to it now. Be like the queen, have an "official" birthday /christmas. So next week just have an normal wednesday, following your normal routine as far as you can. Then you can choose your "official " date when you feel better, when you will have your pick of restaurants, easier travel etc. If you still need to go at this time, think about the most important clothes that you want. Look at the wrecked clothes labels and write down the size and style. .so say you have an M&S dress, you could look online and see if they are still selling it, then ring the local one and see if they have one there and your husband can go through the traffic and get it. Or alternatively, is there a local shop to you that you like and have used before? Then get him to drive you there and buy 2 or 3 new things. So you have something new to wear, dont feel the least bit guilty about the expense, and then choose from your own wardrobe anything that you feel good in, and some scarves or whatever . That will do for the christmas time, but you can then start the new year by thinking what things you have really missed, what compliments did you get for the new things? Have you found something that you would not have usually looked at , but it worked out well. Then the sales will be on and you have the perfect reason to get one of your best friends, whose clothes sense you admire to go with you and see what you can find. Doing this will also mean that you will have a little time apart to calm down. Once this is all over , next year, you might write up a little notebook, with information for anyone who has to do things while you are ill or away or whatever. So the obvious stuff like the second shelf in the fridge sticks and you need to pull the left hand side first, or whatever. That the toaster only works on the right hand side etc etc I am sure you have had a lot of good ideas from other GN's and the best of all is that this allows us to let of steam and calm down and be reassured by others who will tell you worse examples of a situation and the good ideas that got them through a similar time. Hope you enjoy you trip and improve in health and let us know what happens and what you did. Best wishes for christmas and a peaceful and healthy new year.

Men are from mars and women are from Venus! That statement is so true. My hubby drives me up the pesky wall since he retired in 2019. Oh how I wish I had appreciated those days when he worked. I hope you are mobile soon. I would cancel the trip and forget about the washing or packing. Look after yourself. Sending you hugs. Xx

The notes are a good idea, thank you. Yes I absolutely want to go away on this holiday (it's a couple of days after Christmas). I need it. I know I'm dependant on my mobility scooter and it's been carefully planned - accessible accommodation, ramps on trains etc. I knew I wouldn't get through this winter without a short holiday/break.

I actually did that as well re clothes, that night. I went online and found a few new items that would make packing a lot easier and it cheered me up. Shouldn't have spent the money but .......

I still have a few days to get the packing sorted, at my very slow pace. Then grandson dropped that he was bringing his girlfriend over for the day (no notice). I sailed through that and left them to it and still managed to get a few things organised.

We had to cancel a holiday in the summer due to me getting injured just before and I don't want that to happen again.

It would be nice if we were going somewhere hot, but we're not so clothes are important to get layers right.

Petra explains what makes you change your reaction volume very well. The breathing, holding breath, it slows brain down and calms. Really works, breath in counting, hold it counting, breath out very slowly & counting
Yeah, at end of day frustration makes you feel horrid inside nothing gained but more grey hairs lol. Iv just reread book Don't sweat the small stuff, really helps me get perspective again

Great sympathy! As has been said, you can’t change him, so how to manage?
This might work for him: only one piece of specific information to deal with, perhaps written down, like, “Always sort washing before drying.”
For now, ask him to bring all your recently washed clothes to you, where you can sort into piles to be dried, ironed or whatever. Then pack what you can, a little at a time
Wishing you well with your situation