How are others coping with the gradual loss of independence.

Sounds harsh but…. Accept every bit of help offered, use any aids offered, accept that you can’t always manage.
Swallow your pride.
Think of it like wearing glasses - if you can’t see, you get glasses, etc.

You may be losing your balance but you sound pretty independent minded to me, so though it matters about your physical loss of control you still have full control of what sounds like a strong and healthy mind.
That is what really matters as we get older.
And as grandMattie has said accept help, take measures to make your life easier, after all people can face a physical disability at any age, it isn’t just as us oldies.
Wishing you well with this 🌺🙏🏾

It is hard, my friend has balance problems and has finally been persuaded to use a rollator, and she is much more confident now

I am sorry you have been quite unwell recently and so glad to hear you are better now. My 85 year old friend has had 4 falls this year. The first fall caused a fracture of the femur. She was in hospital for over 2 months. But surprise surprise, it hasn’t stopped her going out daily. She doesn’t drive but catches the bus for a trip into town. She uses a stick. * iam not saying that you should be like her*. The neighbours including me, think she is foolhardy. After her first fall, I waited with her till
3a.m.for the ambulance.
Btw she is a widow, no children or GC. So her daily trips into town keeps depression at bay.
Regarding independence - my night vision has deteriorated, so I do not drive at night. I miss that , I really do. I never used to bother with shopping lists. I knew that if I ran out of anything I could easily nip down to the shops. Not any more !

It takes time to adjust and start thinking about the things you can do - but I understand as I've been going through it the last couple of years - and agree that you need to embrace all the aids you can, because aids help keep you independent - even though it's different. I had to start using a mobility scooter this year as I got to the point where I couldn't walk outside more than a few steps without getting worse. At first I just didn't go out and sort of shut the world out and made a life at home - because I wasn't ready to be a mobility scooter user.

Then one day I just thought - right just have to accept this. So now I can go out more. It's still not full independence because I need OH to put the scooter in the car and even though I can drive, I can't get the scooter in and out myself. So the next thing is a hoist, fitted in the car which will enable me to go out independently sometimes. Along with scooter insurance in case you break down!

There are bonuses - it's quite fun being able to move faster than people can walk. I can stand up and walk to a chair to sit on while I'm out, if it's close by.

Basically it's about adapting to disability. Suddenly you have to research where the toilets are if you're going out somewhere - and do they have steps or not (I can't do steps). And if you use public transport, some research into the best bus stops and if the buses have ramps etc.

I changed my optician to one that had easy access as it was such a hassle at my old one when they had to get a ramp out specially.

I don't know what your condition is, but sometimes loss of balance can improve after an illness - are you having any physio? (There are things like wobble boards (like a cushion) for standing exercises at home, to help you regain balance.

Maybe a stick isn't enough. That wasn't an option for me due to pressure on my hands being an issue so it was a mobility scooter or nothing.

However, in hindsight I wish I had got a power chair instead of a mobility scooter as you can use those indoors as well.

For me - it was not being able to do gardening. And yes it's hard when you have to give up favourite habits. But keep focusing on achievements and other things you can enjoy.

Just to add - it may be that you want to keep walking for leg strength so there may be something else rather than a mobility scooter or power chair. Could you ask for a physio or OT referral so they can do an assessment and see what aids would be best for you? I've heard of rollators but I'm not quite sure what they are.

However there are powerchairs which can help with all kinds of things. There is one that looks like half a mobility scooter (without the front half) and the seat can actually be raised quite high as well by pressing a button - for reaching for things!

Allalongagatha

I have been quite unwell for the last 18 months. Thankfully with really good support from the NHS and my GP I have the right meds and feel quite well.

My illness has meant loss of balance and I now use a stick. One thing I love is riding upstairs on buses. It made me quite sad to think that won’t happen any more. Yesterday I went to do a bit of Christmas shopping. When I came out of the station I lost my balance and smacked my face on the pavement. Fortunately no real damage was done except for extensive bruising and cuts.

A passer by called the Ambulance Service and as I was sitting on the cold pavement I was insisting that I did not need one. I understand the amount of blood was alarming. I managed to speak to the service and convince them. I phoned DH who came and got me. This is the third time in 4 months that he has to scrape me up. So we agreed, no more going out without him.

I am so grateful for the health I do have, but losing my independence is a lot to cope with. I am sure this has happened to many of you . I admit the rapid onset of this has shocked me.

Any tips on how to cope

Thank you everyone. It has made me realise that I was perhaps overreacting. I think it is a case of finding a balance between being sensible and minimising risk. I think walking locally is still viable and I am going to make myself do that. I am not sure if my DH reaction was what suprised me. He is not one for the dramatics.

The

Can I just add that a rollator may be really helpful. It’s basically a walking frame on wheels and has brakes so it makes a firm support while you are walking or standing. I have one and it’s enabled me to walk much further with confidence. It has a seat which can be very useful if there’s a queue! They come in all shapes and sizes so it’s worth taking your time choosing one.

You will grieve for your loss of independence but it does get easier with time.

One thing I have found helps rebuild confidence, even though your form of being independent is changing, is to "celebrate the small wins". These come not just by doing what you used to do but by finding another way to remain independent.

I have been told by many a friends and relatives that "growing older is definitely not for whimps" but I think that positively allowing yourself to feel "whimpy" for a short time is still a "small win".

I grab every aid I can ... sock putter-on, shoe horn, 4 grabbers round the house, stair lift, stick when out, blue badge, anything to keep me on the move and independent.
Yes I am sad about lots of things, notably not being able to go abroad again as the insurance is too high on account of my medical problems, not being able to swim as my bladder is unstable, but what the heck there are so many things I CAN do so I throw myself into those: running a choir and an arts festival , writing boom reviews, singing with a choral society, designing publicity for people....
If people look at me and see a mad old lady with a stick, then so be it. I just get on and enjoy what I can and share any talents I might still have with others.

Boom reviews! .... book of course!

Thank you, all of this advice has been so helpful. Particularly celebrating the small wins. One of which I have just had. I went to the local shops today to get two bits of shopping. The wind was quite blowy and that inspired me ‘use all the aids you can’.
I have bought myself a luxury 4 wheeled trolly. This will give me so much more confidence.

Near me there is a Christmas light show, a winter skating rink, Christmas markets. I’m frustrated that I can’t manage to enjoy any of these. My daughter posted photos of her and her family enjoying such activities, and I had a little weep to myself.

Then I put on my Big Girl Pants and had a mince pie (which of course will give me heartburn in about an hour) 🫣

Hooray for the trolley. I have spent many ££££ on osteopath treatments for my back and neck problems and she kept saying get a shopping trolley. Dont carry heavy bags.

Well at the start of covid when getting a shop delivery was so difficult I bought a trolley. Black and white striped and I love it. Easy to pull/push. Should have done that years ago.
Also a grabber stick. Wonderful. I dropped a box behind the dishwasher yesterday. No problem retrieving it.
Finally I am tossing up buying walking poles. Just to use one to make walking on uneven pavements a bit steadier. I would like something long like a sheperds crook so not tempted to lean forward, but stay very upright. Thats work in progress.

Good for you. Small wins are good.

Hi
I have had the same experience. Four falls landing on knees and face luckily no breaks.
Very galling as I have missed a few outings with family as I can’t walk far enough and need looking after.
A rollator has changed my life as I can walk twice as far and don’t have to hang on to anyone.

So life is better , however if the weather is inclement I just stay in as I hate walking aimlessly around. I use the car for small journeys and haven’t fallen over for 12 months. I have also tried some armchair yoga.

All in all not too bad but as others have said it’s hard to have to swallow pride and depend on others.

I have also got grab rails and a contraption that lowers and raises me in the bath. I also have had steps built up to the bath so I can use the shower.

Try sitting back and work out which things cause you grief and work out how to cope. For instance I now use horrid plastic plates etc but it cuts down the pain I get and the likelihood of me dropping my meal.
Try to think of it as survival strategy and how many coping methods you can come up with. Get the whole family involved, you might be surprised how much they want to help and hoe innovative they can be.
Best of luck.

Allalongagatha

Thank you, all of this advice has been so helpful. Particularly celebrating the small wins. One of which I have just had. I went to the local shops today to get two bits of shopping. The wind was quite blowy and that inspired me ‘use all the aids you can’.
I have bought myself a luxury 4 wheeled trolly. This will give me so much more confidence.

Yay!

Four wheel give you more stability than three so another Yay!

Furret

Near me there is a Christmas light show, a winter skating rink, Christmas markets. I’m frustrated that I can’t manage to enjoy any of these. My daughter posted photos of her and her family enjoying such activities, and I had a little weep to myself.

Then I put on my Big Girl Pants and had a mince pie (which of course will give me heartburn in about an hour) 🫣

Re the heartburn - it's a problem I'm currently working on getting rid of full stop. Meanwhile - if I think "Not again....!!grr!" and can feel a bit of it = I take a teaspoon of bicarbonate of soda in half a glass of water and that usually knocks it on the head quickly - with a couple of burps later indicating I've terminated that attack. I've got a list of health issues I'm working my way through getting rid of for good and had to put that one as lower priority on the list - whilst I get rid of the more troublesome ones first - but that's a useful "holding measure" until I reach that place on the list of "ailments to deal with".

This is the sort of wobble board I have - you stand on it and it's supposed to help improve balance - obviously hold onto something if you think you might fall and might be best to ask a physio first.

www.physioroom.com/physioroom-wobble-balance-cushion---45cm

Yes I have grabbers/litter pickers in every room. They are quite cheap - I got a pack of four from Amazon. And you need at least four as they don't always keep working that long.

What are Boom reviews?

I had to start using a stick two years ago because of mobility problems. It made me feel very embarassed at first.Unfortunately I am now in a wheelchair which I have found very hard to accept. I'm fine indoors but when I go out my husband has to push me around. The loss of independence is very hard. Please use all the aids you need. Most people are very kind and helpful. It has made me realise though how many buildings are not disabled friendly. Hotels in particular have very few walk in showers or ramps but that may be a topic for another day. I really hope your health improves.

w1u7

I had to start using a stick two years ago because of mobility problems. It made me feel very embarassed at first.Unfortunately I am now in a wheelchair which I have found very hard to accept. I'm fine indoors but when I go out my husband has to push me around. The loss of independence is very hard. Please use all the aids you need. Most people are very kind and helpful. It has made me realise though how many buildings are not disabled friendly. Hotels in particular have very few walk in showers or ramps but that may be a topic for another day. I really hope your health improves.

Have you had a wheelchair assessment? Apparently a GP or Physio can refer you for one and you can then (apparently) get a voucher to use towards your choice of power wheelchair. I am looking into that at the moment - I couldn't stand being pushed around in a wheelchair by OH - it wasn't good for either of us and there were a couple of mishaps as well. So I got a mobility scooter - but I wish I had got a power wheelchair instead - they are easier apparently and some can also be used indoors and have a tight turning circle.

Research for hotels etc is difficult but quite a few have disabled friendly rooms now.

I don't know if you take any exercise but tai chi is excellent for health and mobility and general wellbeing. Classes are offered in leisure centres now as well as advertised locally. Many are specially for older people. I find the slow, regular movement is so good for stability. .

Please do use a stick or mobility guides, of course but do also try to keep your coordination and existing mobility.

My local health authority offers self referral for physiotherapy. Can you find some help of that sort? I slipped down my garden steps and damaged my meniscus two years ago. I was on crutches and then a walking stick but I am now more or less stable and active because I received a lot of help and support from the NHS physio. You do have to do their exercises of course!

As another person has mentioned...try using a rollator They are a great help. You can put your shopping basket on the seat when shopping, and if waiting for a bus, just take the basket off and sit down On it. On the bus, it can be folded up.

You could be talking about myself. I have managed to fall all over the place. Fell out of bed and hit my head on bedside cabinet. Fell down the stairs and badly bruised my ribs and back. Took some weeks to recover from that only to fall getting onto a bus cutting my shin on the step. Blood everywhere and twice weekly visits to the nurse at the surgery as. The cut turned into a hole. My dh usually takes in the Sainsburys online delivery but he had a doctors appointment so I did it. Well one minute I am managing and the next minute I am spread out on the floor. The delivery girl was so concerned and told me to just take all the time I needed to get it out of the crates. Felt a real idiot. My dh refuses to let me out on my own. Comes everywhere with me. I tell him that I must try to be independent and I need to walk. I now walk as carefully as I can and never rush. I try to walk using the heel toe method which should help avoid just tripping up. I am so sorry about your fall on your face - that sounds really bad. Just try to be as careful as you can and try not to lose confidence in yourself.