If you have not made a will or PoA

OldFrill

Claremont

Our wills are clear however. And ACs are fully aware of our attitude to organ donation, and our attitude to being kept alive for a long period of time without consciousness or DNR in case of severe brain damage, etc. I trust them entirely.

But thanks, will discuss and arrange together.

Your adult children understanding your wishes is all well and good but without POA they will be powerless to ensure your wishes are carried out. It could prove extremely frustrating for them if you don't give them the means to do as you would wish.

Exactly this! Without LPA doctors/Social Services have the power to take decisions that go against the wishes of your loved one.

To not set up a LPA is totally selfish.

My late mother a narcissist told her solicitor we were coercing her for money and refused to give myself her only living child or anyone else a LPA.

She lost mental capacity almost overnight and left me with a huge problem.

It took me nearly a year to get deputyship, in this time her house was haemorrhaging money and I was unable to advocate for her as she entered the care system.

I have done my Will , but I thought I had done both my POAs but I can’t seem to find copies or the Registration details - tomorrow I will ring the Office of the Public Guardian. I’m sure I did it online

One point worth thinking about re POA if you appoint more than one person to impliment the decisions choose whether it will be on the say of only one of them or both of them . We have two children they step in when one of us is gone .

My dad left a will written on lined paper with a red margin that he’d torn out of a note book.
It was very simple. All perfectly legal and we didn’t have any problems.
Of course I know that other families have all sorts of relationship issues and blended families so may need expert help but it worked for us.
We did mums and our POAs on line.
Re. POA for health. If you don’t have it then your opinions will be disregarded. The medical profession have to protect themselves. My sister’s mother in law had a horrible prolonged death surrounded by a family which included 3 doctors. They had no say in her treatment.
That is not to suggest that the medics treating her were not very professional and compassionate.

Yes, I know a lady who had what she thought was power of attorney for her daughter, who had a learning disability.

She didn't find out until too late that it covered finances only, and she had no say in her daughter's health issues and treatments.

Will done but I am never ever doing a POA. It can cause havoc in families and grief to the person involved when all the siblings fall out. Had a very bad experience of that.

And some people mis-use POA to your detriment. Hard to prove as well.

gentleshores I am sure that happens but it can also happen without a POA.

My son, aged 39, was finally persuaded by DH to make a Will. Unfortunately, he died very suddenly and unexpectedly without one. It was hideously difficult to sort out his estate for his son, who was not of age.
Use this cautionary tale for your friend, then stop persuading - all that might make them more mulish if you’re not careful. People don’t like to be reminded that they are not eternal.

MissA when I did my will and both POA it was £250 per hour plus VAT. But if you ask at solicitors they may do a payment plan so you can pay in installments.

Also I know you have health problems could you ask the charity that covers what you diagnosis is if they can help with writing a will and both POA or they might have a list of solicitors that offer financial help with paying . Because of your children you need to use a solicitor and face to face appointments. In the meantime write down what your wishes are and what you want to go too who. That way you don't forget anything . I did that with my last will . Then left it for a few days and read it and realised miss something's out . It makes time spent with the solicitor shorter therefore cheaper.

I did both LPA myself and they don't make it easy! I have had an email asking about the experience and I am giving it some thought about how it could be made easier.
Someone said they want to make some trusts. I don't really understand how these work. My aunt and uncle made a trust and my cousin said that it cost her thousands to get out of it and that the only people who profited were the solicitor and the bank. I must ask her more about it.

Will, yes of course. POA not yet - I’m only 60 and there are too many variables. I could change my view on things, I could fall out with any or all of the attorneys, they could fall out with me, they could die or move abroad, etc etc. I don’t want to have to be updating POAs every few years. I’ll leave it for now thanks.

I know Martyn Lewis goes on about it (and I have great respect for him) but I think it’s strange to be urging young people to get POAs. If you get divorced or estranged from an attorney that could cause all sorts of problems.

gentleshores

Will done but I am never ever doing a POA. It can cause havoc in families and grief to the person involved when all the siblings fall out. Had a very bad experience of that.

Not doing one can cause more grief.

Who is going to advocate for you?

Your attitude is much like my mothers, her selfishness nearly caused me a complete breakdown.

I was in a similar situation Sago. That is why I will bever put my children through that.

gentleshores, if you don’t have a LPA and become incapable of managing your affairs (which can happen to any of us in the blink of an eye, it doesn’t have to be a slow descent into dementia) then someone will have to apply to the Court of Protection to do so. That’s a long-winded and expensive process and in the meantime nobody has access to your money to pay your bills. Also, the Court of Protection only gives someone authority to deal with your finances, it doesn’t cover medical matters. LPAs can cover both, so that for instance if you would want palliative care only in certain circumstances you can say so. If you continue to refuse to make LPAs then you are setting your family up for a lot of expense and difficulty and you are gambling with your own care too, as doctors will try to prolong your life in circumstances that you may not want, and nobody can stop that unless they have PoA proving your wishes.

gentleshores

Will done but I am never ever doing a POA. It can cause havoc in families and grief to the person involved when all the siblings fall out. Had a very bad experience of that.

I am sorry you had such a bad experience but it is not the norm. My experence of POAs is that they make life so much easier and clearer. The people named on the POA make the decsions and that is that.

I have twice had to deal with family members who did not make them in advance, and both caused difficulties. I ended up having to ring round a large family to find their take on end of life care for someone, reconcile the different views and write the document, go through a very dodgy decision that 2 people wtih dementia were compos mentes, for just long enough to make rational decisions about a POA, anothe possibility for fraud, even though a solicitor was present. They weren't but we all agreed they were.

If a family fight over a POA, they will fight even more if someone does not have one and then becomes incapacitated.

MissAdventure

Aldom

MissA as Mokryna mentioned, the solicitor will be very helpful in suggesting ideas regarding your wishes.
Before I made my most recent will I spent many, many stressful hours thinking about it.
My solicitor knew exactly what was the best way to proceed.
He lifted the weight from my shoulders.
How I wished I had not allowed indecision to worry me and delay the writing of the will.

Yes, I actually started a thread (or took over someone else's!) and was told that for what s solicitor costs, it's worth using one as they will help with any issues that might arise, and think of more.

I thought of situations that might arise, after a childless aunt died. Her will was very simple - she’d left everything to be divided between 11 nieces and nephews, but if any of those should have died in the meantime, their share was to go to any of their children ‘whether natural or adopted, legitimate or illegitimate.’

I’d guess that a solicitor had added that last, to avoid any possible arguments in future.
I don’t think I’d have thought of it.

Another case, someone we knew wanted to leave his main residence to a particular charity.
The solicitor advised leaving the actual house, NOT the proceeds of the sale, because otherwise (from his experience) there would be continual hassle from the charity - why hadn’t it sold yet, why hadn’t it sold for more money, etc.

In the event the hassle happened anyway. Despite the terms of the will being quite clear, there was soon a letter from the charity to say basically, ‘Actually it’d be much easier for us if you could just sell it and give us the money.’

I’m pleased to say that as executor, dh wrote back, telling them in somewhat more polite terms, to sod off!

@Claremont . It is wrong to wait until one of you has gone before doin PoA. Is not about when you die it is about while you live. If your DH has any accounts, utilities , subscriptions, insurance or anything in his own name you need to be able to access them. He could have ab accident or a stroke that meant you need access, or to be able to speak on his behalf.
Po A is such an easy thing to do yourself but it can takes weeks.

The stress of having to deal with these tragic circumstances is enough without adding the frustration of dealing with these various institutions.

From my own experience, I urge everyone to get it organised.

Misadventure You won’t need to change it. A good will writer will put a proviso in for when he reaches 18.

Thank you for all the replies. It is partly illuminating to read the reasons that people don’t have a Will or PoA. As the reasons are valid in each circumstance, I am sure I can’t help the daughter any further.

You can do it on line for about £200.00, I did.

Can I ask ....is your spouse (if you are legally married) always your next of kin by law?

We did reciprocal powers of attorney and wills when I was expecting my first child. My mum had a brain haemorrhage in her 40s so I knew how precarious life can be. We updated to lasting powers recently and did it ourselves with the online forms. Mother in law, in her 90s was a different matter and she was very reluctant, but my husband left a leaflet with her and suggested she spoke to friends and she didn't have to name him, as long as somebody was chosen. A few months later we heard from her solicitor that she had done it through him and named my husband.

It's one of those things that I've been wanting/meaning to do since being widowed and I still haven't done it. Whenever I make a new list of things that must be done it's always at the top but for some reason still not done even though I know how important it is and how it will make things easier for my DS when the time comes.