Funeral wishes

I ve talked at length with my daughter the only child living in UK (the others are happy to hand everything over to her to do 🤣 and go along with it )
I want no fuss whatsoever just a simple cremation (which I ve already paid for) and then if I have any friends left …. I m at an age where they are shrinking and all my family, as in parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, are all gone so if there’s any friends left my daughter and grandkids can have a meal, a drink and scatter the ashes in the woods or the sea with them
I have a real dislike of funerals and haven’t been to one for 12/13 years when I organised my parents 6 months apart.

RillaofIngleside a ‘do’ doesn't show love I don’t want my daughter who will be upset beyond, I know, to have to make any decisions or wonder, or even have to organise. it’s all done my other children grandchildren are overseas so it would all fall on her shoulders and who would attend , a few close friends maybe if they are still alive rattling round in a blooming empty church or hall, that would be awful
A service hymns or songs doesn’t equal love that’s just for the living to feel they ve done something and my kids know I’ve done what will be easiest for them all

We are not a religious family , over the years several family members have left their bodies to medical research so there is no funeral but we all get together and celebrate their lives . When my sister died six years ago she did not want her children and husband to go through a funeral so she chose to be cremated without any service , when we got her ashes we had a lovely family afternoon remembering the good and not so good times. On the actual day of her cremation we knew the time it would take place and went for a walk along the beach talking about my sister, my mother wants the same thing and when the time comes on the day of her cremation she wants us to go out for a meal at her favourite restaurant with her closest family and remember the happy times , my husband and I have both decided to do the same thing when our times comes. I know a lot of people don't like this idea but it suits our family .

grandMattie

I have told my children they could do what they wanted as I’d be dead. (But I’ll mention things I’d like)

But having buried both my son and my husband in 8 months, it was helpful to have some idea of what DH had wanted, we floundered with our son who died suddenly and unexpectedly.

Perhaps saying that they are ideas, rather than exactly what you want, might help your children.

I can really relate to what you're saying. Losing both my wife and son within a short period has left me feeling a bit adrift, and the loneliness is hard to shake. It’s never easy to know exactly what your loved ones would have wanted when they’re no longer with us.

I agree with your point about sharing ideas rather than hard and fast plans. It can make things feel a little less overwhelming for our children when they’re trying to carry out our wishes. It’s about giving them a guide, but with the space to make decisions based on what feels right for them in the moment.

Sending strength to everyone dealing with similar situations. It’s not easy, but we’re all in this together.

BlueBelle

I ve talked at length with my daughter the only child living in UK (the others are happy to hand everything over to her to do 🤣 and go along with it )
I want no fuss whatsoever just a simple cremation (which I ve already paid for) and then if I have any friends left …. I m at an age where they are shrinking and all my family, as in parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, are all gone so if there’s any friends left my daughter and grandkids can have a meal, a drink and scatter the ashes in the woods or the sea with them
I have a real dislike of funerals and haven’t been to one for 12/13 years when I organised my parents 6 months apart.

RillaofIngleside a ‘do’ doesn't show love I don’t want my daughter who will be upset beyond, I know, to have to make any decisions or wonder, or even have to organise. it’s all done my other children grandchildren are overseas so it would all fall on her shoulders and who would attend , a few close friends maybe if they are still alive rattling round in a blooming empty church or hall, that would be awful
A service hymns or songs doesn’t equal love that’s just for the living to feel they ve done something and my kids know I’ve done what will be easiest for them all

It sounds like you've given this a lot of thought, and I completely understand your desire for simplicity. At a time like this, it’s important to do what feels right for you. I can relate to the idea of wanting no fuss—I’m also not one for big, traditional ceremonies, and I’d much prefer a more personal, low-key gathering. The idea of a small, meaningful farewell with close friends and family is a lovely way to honor your life, without all the formalities. It’s heartening that your daughter and grandkids will be there to carry out your wishes in such a heartfelt way.

It's tough to lose so many loved ones, and as we age, those who remain feel even more precious. Wishing you peace and comfort as you continue to plan ahead for a farewell that feels right for you.