Feeling forced into a social event

I just wouldn't bother going at all. It all sounds very pushy and domineering to me.

You've politely told them no and they still pester you so by you not showing up that's on them, not you!

I know how you feel as I hate being 'pushed' too. I used to give in but not any more. I learned a few years ago how to say 'no'
and stick to it.
So, providing you and your DH are of the same mind, just don't go. But if it might adversely affect DH's job, then maybe think if over. Good luck.

Typo... think it over...

I am a person who likes to choose my own company but I have attended events we have been invited too. I am far from shy but I have found some events rather formal and out of my comfort zone. Although I have been pleasantly surprised on a few occasions and quite enjoyed myself.

I suggest you wear a favourite outfit put a smile on and go it’s just a meal out not an event to last forever you might even enjoy it. There will always someone who likes to take over the conversation at any event so just sit and relax.

In times past If my husband wanted to go to an event that I didn’t fancy I’d support him and put on The Face. I’d expect the same reasonable behaviour from him if roles were reversed.

To do otherwise would be embarrassing for all parties.

I think I'll take Elegran's advice. I'm now looking forward to a lengthy and detailed gynaecological discussion with the other wife!

Why did you feel you had to get in “communication” with the other couple?

Because they are friends.

Swot up some stories from other women, in case you and the other wife run out of material. I'm sure no-one would mind you borrowing their tales for the evening - it is in a good cause.

Sometimes I've gone out to social occasions when I didn't really feel like going but because DH wanted to go and enjoyed myself more than i thought i would.

However, going out in the evenings is not really my preference any more. Do you know the other couple well enough to enlist their help in choosing a lunchtime venue instead?

I am finding this increasingly mean-spirited. The man and his partner have, probably with the best intentions, just invited two other couples to join them for dinner.

It’s gone from we don't want to go to DH is quite happy about the proposed event.

One day, those being mean-spirited may find themselves living alone and longing to have someone to go out with in the evening, if only for a change.

Sometimes people we don’t know very well socially turn out to be charming company. They could equally turn out to be a pain in the A but you won’t know unless you go. And so what if they are? It’s just a couple of hours.

There may be any number of reasons why the invitation has been issued. We know that many men don’t have friendship circles outside of work and struggle once they have retired. How many times have we seen posts on here where a wife is complaining that her husband is now under her feet all day, slumped in front of the TV or struggling with post-retirement depression?

Maybe this chap is trying to do something to promote friendship out of work and at a time of day when many people are otherwise at home watching TV. Maybe this was his partner’s idea. Maybe they would both like to make more friends. Maybe they are filled with trepidation too. It takes courage to issue an invitation.

I’ve found that when I’ve not been keen on going out somewhere for whatever reason , I’ve had a really good time and been glad I went .
So I’d go . It’s really easy to get into a rut regarding a social life as you get older . But I think it’s good to get out of your comfort zone.

As the other couple are friends I don't see why you won't have an enjoyable evening with them.. It sounds like it is only the man who issued the invitation that everyone is a bit unenthusiastic about. Let him talk to your husband.. but I would be very firm that this is a one off..

Well said Silverbrooks. And “communicating” with others behind his back doesn’t say much about the OP. OP doesn’t know what they’re saying about her behind her back.

Perhaps the man who issued the invitation thought you were a friend too.

Sounds like the organiser of the meal is being selfish, tbh. Sometimes people don’t listen and ignore what suits others. You might need a white lie to get out of this!

Actually I don't care what people say about me behind my back. That's one of the freeing aspects of growing old. I'd contacted the wife of the other couple to see if they felt as 'railroaded' as us. They do but, like DH, they're willing to put up with it. Not exactly keen.
No matter how off-putting I've been this person has just gone on pushing. It's what he wants and that's the way it's got to be.
DH has a good social life with his car chums. Similarly, I enjoy my social life with ladies who lunch and various charities I'm involved with. This is an unexpected and unwanted social hiccup in our lives.

I too am a ‘yes’ person. My friend’s son is taking his mother to Canterbury Cathedral. He has invited me too, so that his Mum can have company. It’s a 5 hour drive. I have IBS and the thought scares me. My friend assures me that her son will do a lot of comfort stops. She doesn’t understand IBS. If I say ‘No’, I feel our friendship will be over. I really don’t know what to do.
In your case Aveline, it’s your husband’s work colleague and will probably get difficult for him, if you don’t go.
It’s only a couple of hours, so just put your best foot forward and enjoy the evening.

Good for you Aveline I wonder if his partner has been railroaded too?

So many different opinions here, no clear advice like we find sometimes on GN.

You'll probably find out the "why" of being invited when you are there. Mine? Go along to get along as its DH's work but unless it turns out to be enjoyable make it clear its a one off to DH if its awful.

crazyH

I would thank the friend and the son for the invite, but say the five hour journey is just too much for you to do.

If it spoils your friendship, she is not much of a friend.

She can ask someone else.

Why does your friend need company? Sounds like the son wants to offload his mum and absolve himself of responsibility. He is the one taking her, and should be company for her himself.

Maybe he's just being kind and hoped his mother would appreciate her friend being invited.

I would let my husband go alone

I would simply say ,thanks for the invite but we are not coming. nobody can force you to go.

Perhaps firmly inform your husband you're not attending, he may of course do as he wishes. I'm an introvert, unhappy when forced out. My husband understands as he is introverted as well. He makes me priority as I do him.