Feeling forced into a social event

Calendargirl's "thank you, but no, this was a one off [for us] really" is a stroke of genius ! There's no way that's not going to come in VERY useful at the end of the evening

Aveline, I'd just grin and bear it. You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, let alone a work colleague of your husband's. Maybe it will be more amusing than you expect.

PS I am not all that keen on alcoholic drinks either but I'd take one or two to make me less reactive to a social occasion. I'd also take a good strong coffee , medicinally, if there's a social reason to stay awake.

sarahhr of course I suggested a lunch but was told, 'No. Dinner suits us.'

I prefer lunch too, we hardly ever, if ever , go out in the evenings.

I would say "I don't do evenings". End of.

Nor do we.

I would say - truthfully- that I suffer from IBS and it always gets worse in the evenings.

Aveline I have a friend whose husband sulks when he doesn’t want to do something. It’s not a good look and creates an awkward atmosphere for everyone. Has it occurred to you that the other couple are only agreeing with you to your face but are dreading your attitude more? Especially as they are probably forking out £80+ for the privilege of watching you sulk.
If you don’t want to go, suggest to your husband, who you said did want to, that the three men make it a boys night out. Or, just tell this guy outright, no. Go with good grace or don’t go at all and ruin it for 5 other people.

BTW your updates are inconsistent! You said that he had ignored the fact you wanted to do lunch instead then later said he replied. Your husband wants to go, then he doesn’t. Nuff said.

Aveline

sarahhr of course I suggested a lunch but was told, 'No. Dinner suits us.'

He's a bully.

Your husband has not cared and agreed with a bully, pulling you along - smile, be polite, and leave to home as early as possible.

DH is a friendly cheerful type. He's not particularly keen to go to this meal but is willing to for social purposes. He has to see this other chap every day. I've already said on here that I am going and that it's a one off. DH agrees.

Ach, I hope it’s not too torturous Aveline, you’ll laugh with your husband afterwards

FriedGreenTomatoes2

As you’re going Aveline (and your husband wants to) pin a smile on your face and don’t let your body language say different. Nothing to be gained by that point other than showcasing your displeasure. Not cool. Not cool at all, embarrassing 5 others.

Agree. Either go or graciously decline the invitation and don't go. But if you do go, be gracious about it. Don't embarrass.your husband and don't make the evening awkward and difficult for the others.

Just say a polite no thankyou, and when the time comes and you don't turn up they'll get the message. I had this with a male neighbour wanting me to go round for a coffee. I'm a single woman, just arrived in a new neighbourhood. In the end I had to put my foot down and tell him bluntly, which very much go's against my shy nature. It's very hard. But it worked. X

Aveline has already said she'll go this time.

Well we went. The restaurant was very crowded and extremely noisy. It was hard to hear what people were saying or trying to say. I just smiled vaguely and tried to look as if I could hear what was being said but mostly just concentrated on the food. So the meal passed and we all left politely. There was talk of it being the first of many but DH just changed the subject. Luckily, just as we all left the restaurant
a taxi came past and we hailed it and made for home. Phew.

Well done Aveline big sign of relief!

Over and done with! No need for a repeat performance.

And breathe!
Hope the food was good?

I would have told my DH, thank you for the invite but I will be staying home. Let your DH go and have fun.

RosieandherMaw. Yes the food was good but in a crowded space with a low ceiling which made the sound level very high and felt pretty claustrophobic. We wouldn't go back ourselves.

Well done Aveline

Well done, Aveline. That's done now.

Yes the food was good but in a crowded space with a low ceiling which made the sound level very high and felt pretty claustrophobic. We wouldn't go back ourselves.

A lot of restaurants have no soft furnishings, so there's nothing to absorb the noise. Add in "background music" that's anything but and people start talking louder and louder.
I'm less willing to tolerate that these days.

We took Dad to his favourite Indian restaurant in his home town a few years ago. We had an early booking but as the evening wore on the noise levels became simply unbearable.
Dad got distressed and we had to leave before he'd finished his meal, he couldn't cope with it at all.