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“Bet Lynch”
(247 Posts)I haven’t watched Coronation Street for many years but when I did Julie Goodyear was a constant presence with her animal prints and all her make up.
Yesterday there were photographs of her in the media on her 83rd birthday.
She has Alzheimer’s and her H put the photos on to mark the day.
It was, to me, the cruellest gesture possible.
She looked absolutely dreadful.
No front teeth and so very old looking.
If my H had done anything similar I would have been devastated, fortunately she will probably never know.
It was not the act of a loving husband however he meant it to appear.
kittylester
Any one holding PoA must act in the best interests of the person without capacity
That’s what I understood, and what I did.
I suppose he had his reasons but I thought it was quite cruel showing her photograph
He sees her all the time, he doesn't see ageing and illness, they shared a happy day together on her birthday and he shared that to family and fans, many supportive. Awful lot on here seem to feel a sense of protection towards someone they don't know, criticise the man who loves and cares for her and seem to think they own some kind of moral high ground by doing so. Most folk don't leave this earth with their mind and teeth intact, it's doesn't mean they should be hidden away, it's reality, celebrate the happy smile, be kind to him, l hope you have such supportive partners.
How do know they spent s happy day together how do know he doesn’t see aging and illness , how do you know it was a happy smile , how do you know he loves her ? You do not, you are looking at a few photographs on Facebook and repeating what he said.
You are criticising others who find the photographs on Facebook cruel
Good points Anniebach. We don’t know any of those things.
We are now bordering on the realms of the ridiculous.
Quote Luminance Mon 07-Apr-25 20:10:17
We are now bordering on the realms of the ridiculous.
You know she is happy, you know she enjoyed a day out ?
I know exactly as much as you about her life, her day, or how she feels about having a photo shared. Nothing. The photo however is beautiful and she deserves that title. If you are truly concerned there are organisations you can report those too but they will require a little more than "I can't know she had a happy day".
People are trying to talk about consent, claiming this means that they think people with dementia should be locked up, or that we should be reporting concerns is ridiculous. I would say I have a conversation around how we gain consent of those who struggle to articulate their needs every single day in my working life.
Galaxy
People are trying to talk about consent, claiming this means that they think people with dementia should be locked up, or that we should be reporting concerns is ridiculous. I would say I have a conversation around how we gain consent of those who struggle to articulate their needs every single day in my working life.
Not sure how thinking that a person’s informed consent means people with dementia should be locked up.
I haven’t seen anyone in this thread advise locking up, but I’ve seen lots of posts accusing
people who believe there should be informed consent
falsely translated into “they should be locked up”.
I don’t know how anyone can say that her husband ‘wouldn’t see’ ageing and illness. After my own long experience of a loved one with dementia, I’d have thought anyone would be all too painfully conscious of it. With dementia, alas, it’s not just ‘ordinary’ ageing.
Sorry Molly I phrased that badly, I am agreeing with you. I was trying to express your final sentence but you did it better.
I hope you all have partners who you trust to see the beauty in you through every stage in your life. Family that would see you and not whatever age and ailments brought to you. I hope that you would want your family and friends to see you to share your special occasions. I hope she and her husband are happy and that he never has to hear these words of strangers. Perhaps that is not what others have and perhaps that is why they judge this harshly. Life for me is rather strait forward. There are those who seek joy and those who seek misery. Those who seek joy will find it and those who seek misery will find that too. Ultimately who has really suffered from a husband capturing a moment is not the lady in question I feel.
You feel but do not know , wishes are not facts, I am sure everyone who has posted their opinions on this thread wish so much for those with dementia
Anniebach
How do know they spent s happy day together how do know he doesn’t see aging and illness , how do you know it was a happy smile , how do you know he loves her ? You do not, you are looking at a few photographs on Facebook and repeating what he said.
You are criticising others who find the photographs on Facebook cruel
Why do you think her husband is a liar?
I have a partner who has proved he loves me regardless of looks. The beauty he sees is not necessarily outward beauty.
More, he respects me as I respect him and would not post anything that he knows, if I could give informed consent, I would not choose to have broadcast.
We don’t know whether Bet could give informed consent, and since we are told she has dementia there is no guarantee she was asked or could give informed consent.
The waffle about family and friends highlights the issue here.
I hope my family and friends would still come to see me and I would see them, regardless of changes in health and appearance, just as we went to see Mum and spend time with her in her final years, regardless of the fact that she had changed in looks and didn’t always remember our visits.
Had this been simply family, none of this thread would have taken place, but the internet is not friends and family.
The lady in question
was possibly not asked and, affected by dementia, could not give informed consent.
Does that make it all right?
The joy of knowing my DH and family would not post anything they knew I would not like
is far better than the misery of wondering if they would do that in such a public fashion.
No amount of money would make me give any pictures of beloved people who are ill or sick or have a condition, to the press. And woe betide any paparazzo who approaches me to take them anyway.
I remember my mother saying “no more photos* in old age and she was quite adamant about it. It happened again later on with an aunt, then an old friend.
They were not television celebrities and not vain, but knew what they wanted. I think it’s fair to say an actress used to putting her best face forward would not be happy to be seen this way and probably applies to most of us.
Tanjailmaltija
No amount of money would make me give any pictures of beloved people who are ill or sick or have a condition, to the press. And woe betide any paparazzo who approaches me to take them anyway.
We don't know that her husband actually 'gave' any pictures to the press. As I explained in an earlier post, the press take photos from people's Facebook pages (and other social media) without their consent and use them on a daily basis.
ViceVersa
As I explained in an earlier post, the press take photos from people's Facebook pages (and other social media) without their consent and use them on a daily basis
It’s true. Likewise, even people who share something from someone with a locked down profile put them into the public domain.
The press are there to make money.
hollysteers
My dad was the same about photos, but even without that I wouldn’t have posted a photo unless I was certain he’d be happy about it. I was lucky that he was compos mentis till he died.
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