To be sad about close family members not checking in

I don’t know what you mean by ‘close’ - I have 3 children. I consider them close and if they didn’t check in on me, I would be very, very sad. It wouldn’t worry me too much if my extended family did not ring me. Some people don’t like to intrude and some people are so private, they don’t like anyone knowing they were ill or indisposed. I know 2 people like that. Me? The whole world knows what’s happening with me.
Bea, I hope you are recovering well. Cheer up

If children did not check on me, I would want to know why, more distance family - and I am close to several, not remotely bothered.

Firstly concentrate on getting fully well after your op. You are probably feeling sensitive now which is normal.
I can understand that you feel upset that the two close people haven't been in touch. Could they just be allowing you some time to.yourself maybe. It's hard to know as not sure how close the people are to you.

One of my oldest friends, from childhood,is undergoing chemo.
I send her a message from time to time and have also sent a 'thinking of you ' card. I don't want to overwhelm her when she is feeling so ill. But at least she knows I am thinking of her. I shall send her a card for Easter.
I hope your family members contact you soon. Best wishes for your recovery.

I know someone that I’ve been friends with for over fifty years. We have a lot of shared history. She had a TKR replacement recently and I phoned her several times to see how she was ( I had told her that, post op I wouldn’t phone her for a while as I didn’t want to wake her if she was asleep and that she was to phone me if she wanted to talk). But she only ever phones me if she wants to talk about something that has happened to her; never phones me just to see if I’m ok. I must admit that it does hurt me.

Bea65 I'm sorry.

Did you tell of your recent op in advance? I don't tell people of impending op, apart from my husband. Sleep is what I wish for - perhaps these people are just being cautious and polite.

How are you doing after your hip operation Bea65? Hoping some of tips you were given on your earlier thread are helping.

I do hope your recovery is going well. I am very sure it isn't because they don't care. Perhaps reach out and update them. You are in a vulnerable place and it is not surprising you are hurt.

Give them a ring to let them know you're getting there. I say I'll get in touch following surgery when I'm feeling up to it and have has time to process things. My friends do the same.

Have they sent Get Well Soon cards instead ?

MayBee70

I know someone that I’ve been friends with for over fifty years. We have a lot of shared history. She had a TKR replacement recently and I phoned her several times to see how she was ( I had told her that, post op I wouldn’t phone her for a while as I didn’t want to wake her if she was asleep and that she was to phone me if she wanted to talk). But she only ever phones me if she wants to talk about something that has happened to her; never phones me just to see if I’m ok. I must admit that it does hurt me.

What is a TKR.?

TKR. Total Knee Replacement.

I was diagnosed with a bilateral bloodclot in my lungs just before lock down after I left hospital I wrote and told her, did'nt even bother to reply........Daughters ain't what they used to be.

Sometimes you have to reach out and say if you haven't heard I am recovering well be lovely to see you if you want to pop over 😁

Bea65

Am really sad and surprised that 2 close female immediate family have not bothered to ask me about recent op and recovery..at first I thought they didn’t want to disturb my sleep schedule etc but now its 12 days post op , and still no text/msg either to me or indirectly to my DD asking after me …
Now I’m feeling bitter and I don’t want this feeling…also one of the 2females actually had similar op last year and I msg’d her and believed she was pleased to know I was thinking of her..

Am I being unusually over sensitive or, being unreasonable?
WE haven’t had any cross words or fallings out so am sad 😔

Do I remember a previous post re this pre-op? If I remember correctly these are sisters about whom you had little hope of them supporting you?
If this is the case ( I may have the wrong person?) then I’m so sorry you feel as you do, but if you thought this might happen then it’s upsetting, but not unexpected?

Maybe something’s happened in their lives @Bea65?
Could you call them and catch up now you’re up and about - no need to mope!

Have you messaged them since you had the surgery?

I’m not surprised you feel sad. It’s a vulnerable time for you and naturally you’d like to hear some caring thoughts.

Don’t let it fester, as others have said send a message, give them a call and invite contact.

We’ve a long standing friend who behaves in exactly the same way. She expects regular calls if she is unwell but has never, we’ve been friends for over 56 years, called us to ask how we are. It doesn’t upset me now as I expect nothing else, it does disappoints me though.

Best wishes for your recovery bea. Things will look brighter very soon.

Firstly I think you should forgive this, give the benefit of the doubt and let them know of your progress. Particularly because they may have problems of their own that they didn't want to bother you with.
Secondly however I don't blame you for being a bit miffed . You know who you are "close" to and who you would expect to ask after you after an operation( might be your children if you have them ; might not be).
Surely they could have texted? How does that wake anyone up ?or hinder their recuperation.?
My sister had a broken wrist recently and of course I have texted her to ask if she was in a lot of pain and offerred sympathy and encouragement. WTF !!!!

You’re not being unreasonable at all. I just don’t know why some people are so considerate and others aren’t, I’m not even sure that it indicates how much they really care generally, or not. It’s so hurtful though isn’t it. When you next speak to them you might well stress what you’ve been through (without being too self pitying) so they might reflect on things…). BUt try not to keep thinking about it, focus on those who do stay in touch and get well soon.

If it was my children that didn’t contact I’d be very sad, but other members of the family No it wouldn’t bother me

I think you have to consider what your relationship is like generally with them - do you keep in touch with each other anyway or only now and then, or if something has happened or is planned eg. operations etc. You can be the kindest, most considerate person who checks in with others but that doesn't mean they will mirror that kindness and consideration back. Our expectations of others is what causes the bitterness and upset when they don't reciprocate. I have come across this so many times and other people have said the same thing to me, so you're not alone.

The world has changed sadly. People tend to be caught up with their own lives and although keeping in touch is easier now, more often than not it's only when someone wants something from you that they make the effort. It's taken me a long time to realise this but once I became aware of it I noticed it was always me that made the effort - I don't do it anymore x

If it was my adult children, yes, I'd be upset. However, I find when illness visits me or mine, folk vanish and I know I'm not alone in this.

I had cancer 18 months ago. I'm in recovery. But I informed the sister I had always been closest to. We helped each other through thick and thin. She promised to come and see me in a text. But I've not heard or seen from her for over 5 years now. She got a different partner abt the same time, and he seems to be the priority. I don't know why. He's no good for her. It baffles me. But I know from experience, when the SHAT hits the fan, she will come running back. She has followed in this pattern for most of her life. I'm sad and disappointed, but just live my life without her in it. You know you can take z horse to water .........! Never mind. Just get on with things and concentrate on living. X