Fewer friends now older

Several of my friends have died. But I have got to know new people. A group of us always meet up now for coffee and chat after our Tai Chi classes and some of my art group meet up at local exhibitions, so I do have people to talk to.

I think social life is much more difficult if you are disabled.

Monica I would also be interested in coming along to St. Neots in the Autumn.

Hardly any family left. Many friends and family in my case didn't make it to 60 let alone retirement. I'm fortunate I have former colleagues I meet ( though one of those died two years ago). Sadly, after bad experiences with former neighbours, I'm pleasant but good fences make good neighbours in my opinion. Yes, I'm grateful for my husband, family and the few friends I do have. It's so difficult as you get older. I also have health issues so don't always feel like going out.

Maya1, that is great! We put in an offer on a house in St Neots yesterday, so I expect we will move in late July/August, and, as I said need to build new friendship networks

I too have friends where I live now that I met through GN and I will be vey sorry to leave them.

MOnica, I would meet up in St Neots in the autumn. I live approx 15 miles away. Just let me know when and where.

I have a few good friends who have been a great support since l became a widow. I have a friendship with another GN.
We speak weekly, online and have met up. I hope she realises how special she is.

Couldn't agree more woodenspoon. I would add that most of our long term friends are not local to us now, so our move will actually facilitate seeing some of them.

One of the factors in choosing precisely where we are moving to, was the opportunities in our new location to pick up our usual hobbies and activities to start building new social net works.

Whose for a GN meet-up in St Neots in the autumn?!!

We found that when we moved away from our home town new opportunities opened up. We have been here a few years now. Most friendships are developed through our hobbies and activities we find. They’ll never be the same as the old friends known for 40 years but it’s still nice to get to know new people. We have had one or two mishaps where people have not been as nice as first appeared but in the main we’ve been lucky.

It's probably not deliberate M0nica but it certainly happens. I was quite hurt when I discovered that my DF still went to the meetups. I had thought they had stopped during
covid but infact they had restarted - without me!

Most of my friends throughout have been life long single. It has never stopped us socialising with them, severally or together. Several are now widows, it would never occur to us either together, or individually to see them less.

I find the idea of people not seeing friends because they are a widow or widower, most bizarre.

I understand the part about having long standing friends as one of my most long standing friendship was made when our children started school together 45 years ago.

Because we lived on the same road, in the same village and near the same small town we just got each other.

We had shorthand. She knew that if I mentioned going round our tiny Waitrose trying to avoid a mutual acquaintance, I would need a cup of tea and a reminiscing session.

I miss her terribly since she died but we have to keep going.

I value the connections I have made
on GN - the people I have met and
those I haven't.

How I agree! In the last three years I have lost not only DH but my closest friend and the two couples with whom we shared so much. As was observed, elderly widows do not appear high on other people’s agenda and it takes a lot of work to have any kind of social life if there is no local family. I don’t think there is any magic bullet for this one.

Since my DH died 4 years ago, I don't see his friends who I had thought were also mine apart from one who I invite to dinner once a week. He is also on his own.

I think on the whole, when you are widowed, couples stop inviting you out so that reduces the friend pool. 😒

It's OK just to have one or two close friends. I often think I have to be proactive and do the asking and don't always feel like doing that.

Yup.
They die.
They do stuff as a couple and I am a spare wheel as a widow.
They become less mobile ... as am I.
Thank goodness for family and GN.

In Julian Clary's autobiography he describes how he has lost so many people and dogs now that when he looks up to the heaven he imagines a hole in the clouds. All the people and dogs he's loved and lost look down on him smiling and waving.

I found that very comforting. It's a sad fact though that the older you get the bigger hole in the clouds you need.

As I've aged I have fewer friends, but those I have are more precious to me.

I find this the hardest part of aging. I made close friends during my late teens and then again during those early years as a Mum, Lifetime of experiences and memories.

Looked forward to my retirement (aged nearly70) so that myself and two closest friends would be able to do so many things together. One of them died six months before I retired, the other six months after I retired. I took those deaths very badly - felt cheated. Could never replace those two people and the joint memories and experienfces that went with them.

Another very close friend now has alzeimers - so in reality she is no longer there. Other good friends have died, just a couple still living their lives, but live too far away for us to meets

I have made lots of new aquaintances, but no close friends in these later years. I still get the sudden urge to phone my bestie when I get upset about something, and have to remind myself that she died 14 years ago!!!

My friend who has recently died, (funeral next week) only moved here 14 years ago when she was about 74.

Her DH was alive then, although he had alzheimers so they moved from the London area to Scotland to be closer to both their DC.

She not only helped her DD with childcare and looked after her DH until that became impossible, but became involved with, often running, local voluntary groups. She was at the till of our local community store 6 weeks before she died from cancer.

She was registered disabled and drove an electric car.

She has been an inspiration and one
of the kindest people I've ever
known.

So yes, you can make new friends as you age but you probably have to work harder at it.

If I ever feel sorry for myself, I shall think of her!

My circle of friends has certainly shrunk. Neighbours are very sociable which is nice and I meet lots of people through my volunteering and classes I attend. I was surprised but happy to receive a phone call from a new acquaintance inviting me to join her at a local event. As it happens I can't go but feel that I can now contact her and invite her to do something interesting. She seems a kindred spirit.
You never know who might turn out to be a friend.

U3A has been a life saver for me since I moved after DH died. I have made new friends but the downside for me is my social life is dictated by ‘activities’ and I miss the kind of friends I could go shopping with or just sit in the garden and chat. I keep in touch with my old friends via Facebook but sadly two of them have recently died.

I’m nearer my family now but the three adult DGCs I’m particularly close to are spreading their wings and moving away this year.

I suspect I am going to have to up my game where friendship groups are concerned but I sometimes feel I’m the one making all the effort while they are happy to coast along.

No good moaning. You just have to keep bu****ing on.

I have never really had a local network of friends. Most of my friends come to me through activities I take part in.

At least that was the case until I joined Gransnet, and through GN I have made several new friends, who I visit and meet up with, in a way I have never done in the past.

However old friends, those from school, university, work etc, are, quite literally, dying off. Two of my dearest friends have died relatively young, 62 and 75.

In a few months, we are moving 100 miles to live nearer our children. I have lived in the area we now live in for over 60 years, and DH over 50, so it will be a big upheaval and we both need to go out actively when we are settled to build a new friendship circle.

We have carefully researched our destination and know there are lots of activities going on in our new location that we enjoy - and once settled I will definitely try to arrange GN meet-up to get to know local GNers.

Luckily we have great neighbours who have become good friends since lockdown.

We graduated from standing outside clapping and waving to having drinks in safely distanced groups on the pavement to 'Neighbours Drinks' on an advocate basis in each other's homes or gardens.

We maintain contact with our old, and more distant, friends but really enjoy the new friendships we have made with people (of all ages) living nearby.

Volunteering, for me, and joining a gym, for DH, have also opened up new friendship groups.

I 'chat' to old friends daily on WhatsApp but never meet anyone in real life for coffee anymore. Quite sad really but I've accepted it now.
Happy in my own company

I've increased my friendship group considerably over the past few years because I've got more time. I've had to make a bit of an effort but it's really paid dividends as I don't have any near neighbours and both daughters and my grandchildren live several hours drive away. Tbh I'm usually the one to suggest an outing or meet up and people usually say yes please! I think it's easy to imagine that everyone else is busy with friends and family when in reality, they aren't.

Posted too quickly I have made two wonderful online friends through GN and although we are not near each other in distance we have a real kinship which is lovely x Thank you if you are reading this x

I now have two friends left locally who I see regularly and one less often, we all have health issues now or our partners do
Like Grammaretto I find U3A and other groups give me a chance for a chat