Fewer friends now older

No, mine have moved a fair distance away, but I have met a few good friends on GN, and we meet regularly for coffee or, in a couple of instances, email each other.

If it were not for GN, I would spend a lot of time on my own.

Yes, it happens. One of my long time (50+ years) best friends has moved to live near one of her sons, not too far away, but because I’m not too good a driver, I don’t see her as often as I used to. I have a couple of good neighbours (of 18 years) who i see, fairly often. Recently I held a little ladies-only get-together for 8 of them.
Allsorts - what about your neighbours? Why don’t you have an old-fashioned coffee morning and invite a few of the ladies? Just a suggestion.

No it’s not just you, I feel the same. Three of my closest friends have moved a long way away, one abroad. They are the ones who I used to go out in the evening with for dinner, cinema or a show so I really miss them. We all have health problems so we’re not even able to travel to see each other. We do talk on the phone but it’s not the same. I have another couple of, less close, friends, who I meet for a coffee occasionally but they both have family commitments so prefer not to go out in the evening. . My DH is lovely and we do a lot together such as meals out or theatre trips but I really miss having close friends to meet up with for an evening out or even just a good old natter. Sadly it’s very hard to make new friends when you are older as people usually have close relationships and don’t really want to start new ones.

Not so much me, but DH has lost a few friends who have recently passed away. It’s very sad as we age that our circle of good long tern friends dwindles.

I know how you feel. And I am more housebound these days so it's harder to make new friends. In fact I don't have any that live in the area. I have longstanding friends but all some distance away and we're all getting older!

Definitely not just you Allsorts, my friendship group has diminished as illness has taken its toll. My increasing deafness and reducing mobility makes it hard to make new friends but I’m very thankful for those that remain and the memories I have.

I know what you mean.
This year I plan to downsize and am afraid I'll have to move to a new area which won't be as accessible for visitors to me as well as for me getting out and about.

I have found U3A very good to combat loneliness and a weekly yarn group, other local activities too are sociable.
I volunteer at a community shop once a week too which keeps me up to date. Then ofcourse there's gransnet. 😊 and the radio....

But at my age, mid 70's, there are more funerals than weddings.

My closest friends have all died in the last three years, except for one who lives hundreds of miles away. We talk regularly but I agree it’s not the same as meeting up.

I have a couple of relatives from my childhood that I meet up with every couple of months.

Apart from that it’s acquaintances that I see at various activities.

I’m thankful for my family but I really miss my friends. I guess it’s an inevitable consequence of being the one that’s lived longest.

It’s a sad fact of life as we get older. Of the large group of friends we had when both of us were working, and who we saw regularly when we retired, only three remain and two of those live too far away to visit regularly although we do talk on the phone. I get together with a couple of groups during the week for some social interaction but it’s not the same as having people you’ve known for a long time who “get you”. Like Charleygirl I have met some lovely people on GN and, though distance precludes us from being anything but email contacts, their online friendship means a great deal to me.

I don't have many friends I see face-to-face. One is very much tied up with grandchildren, one has a mum in her 90s and she visits her every day, another has health problems and hardly goes out, 2 others died in their 60s. In the early 80s I moved away from my home patch where I had dozens of friends made at the school gate, and only a few kept in touch.

Thank goodness for GN

Yes it’s happening to me too I have three best friends and they still are …but one older than me, is now almost housebound We still have a good friendship I visit and we talk on the phone but no trips out The second whose younger than me is awaiting brain surgery, the third is still there and I m seeing her tomorrow for lunch
Then I have a monthly meet-up with some old school friends we still do but it is shrinking… in the last year 2 have difficulty coming along as they have dementia and two have died recently November and January. Two no longer go out too much.
My friendship world has shrunk a lot

I now have two friends left locally who I see regularly and one less often, we all have health issues now or our partners do
Like Grammaretto I find U3A and other groups give me a chance for a chat

Posted too quickly I have made two wonderful online friends through GN and although we are not near each other in distance we have a real kinship which is lovely x Thank you if you are reading this x

I've increased my friendship group considerably over the past few years because I've got more time. I've had to make a bit of an effort but it's really paid dividends as I don't have any near neighbours and both daughters and my grandchildren live several hours drive away. Tbh I'm usually the one to suggest an outing or meet up and people usually say yes please! I think it's easy to imagine that everyone else is busy with friends and family when in reality, they aren't.

I 'chat' to old friends daily on WhatsApp but never meet anyone in real life for coffee anymore. Quite sad really but I've accepted it now.
Happy in my own company

Luckily we have great neighbours who have become good friends since lockdown.

We graduated from standing outside clapping and waving to having drinks in safely distanced groups on the pavement to 'Neighbours Drinks' on an advocate basis in each other's homes or gardens.

We maintain contact with our old, and more distant, friends but really enjoy the new friendships we have made with people (of all ages) living nearby.

Volunteering, for me, and joining a gym, for DH, have also opened up new friendship groups.

I have never really had a local network of friends. Most of my friends come to me through activities I take part in.

At least that was the case until I joined Gransnet, and through GN I have made several new friends, who I visit and meet up with, in a way I have never done in the past.

However old friends, those from school, university, work etc, are, quite literally, dying off. Two of my dearest friends have died relatively young, 62 and 75.

In a few months, we are moving 100 miles to live nearer our children. I have lived in the area we now live in for over 60 years, and DH over 50, so it will be a big upheaval and we both need to go out actively when we are settled to build a new friendship circle.

We have carefully researched our destination and know there are lots of activities going on in our new location that we enjoy - and once settled I will definitely try to arrange GN meet-up to get to know local GNers.

U3A has been a life saver for me since I moved after DH died. I have made new friends but the downside for me is my social life is dictated by ‘activities’ and I miss the kind of friends I could go shopping with or just sit in the garden and chat. I keep in touch with my old friends via Facebook but sadly two of them have recently died.

I’m nearer my family now but the three adult DGCs I’m particularly close to are spreading their wings and moving away this year.

I suspect I am going to have to up my game where friendship groups are concerned but I sometimes feel I’m the one making all the effort while they are happy to coast along.

No good moaning. You just have to keep bu****ing on.

My circle of friends has certainly shrunk. Neighbours are very sociable which is nice and I meet lots of people through my volunteering and classes I attend. I was surprised but happy to receive a phone call from a new acquaintance inviting me to join her at a local event. As it happens I can't go but feel that I can now contact her and invite her to do something interesting. She seems a kindred spirit.
You never know who might turn out to be a friend.

My friend who has recently died, (funeral next week) only moved here 14 years ago when she was about 74.

Her DH was alive then, although he had alzheimers so they moved from the London area to Scotland to be closer to both their DC.

She not only helped her DD with childcare and looked after her DH until that became impossible, but became involved with, often running, local voluntary groups. She was at the till of our local community store 6 weeks before she died from cancer.

She was registered disabled and drove an electric car.

She has been an inspiration and one
of the kindest people I've ever
known.

So yes, you can make new friends as you age but you probably have to work harder at it.

If I ever feel sorry for myself, I shall think of her!

I find this the hardest part of aging. I made close friends during my late teens and then again during those early years as a Mum, Lifetime of experiences and memories.

Looked forward to my retirement (aged nearly70) so that myself and two closest friends would be able to do so many things together. One of them died six months before I retired, the other six months after I retired. I took those deaths very badly - felt cheated. Could never replace those two people and the joint memories and experienfces that went with them.

Another very close friend now has alzeimers - so in reality she is no longer there. Other good friends have died, just a couple still living their lives, but live too far away for us to meets

I have made lots of new aquaintances, but no close friends in these later years. I still get the sudden urge to phone my bestie when I get upset about something, and have to remind myself that she died 14 years ago!!!

In Julian Clary's autobiography he describes how he has lost so many people and dogs now that when he looks up to the heaven he imagines a hole in the clouds. All the people and dogs he's loved and lost look down on him smiling and waving.

I found that very comforting. It's a sad fact though that the older you get the bigger hole in the clouds you need.

As I've aged I have fewer friends, but those I have are more precious to me.

Yup.
They die.
They do stuff as a couple and I am a spare wheel as a widow.
They become less mobile ... as am I.
Thank goodness for family and GN.