GN makes me lonelier

I was widowed young, we’d had no children and I have no surviving family. At 70, that makes me a bit of an oddity. I live a busy life but know I have to be constantly proactive at maintaining it. Sometimes that can be wearying.

Because my life has taken a different course, I don’t always feel I have a lot in common with women of my own age, those whose lives revolve mostly around family and the domestic. It’s possibly why I often find men more interesting to talk to as we can have a different kind of conversation in which I have more to contribute. I have some good female friends too who are both parents and grandparents and while I know family is important to them, it doesn’t pre-occupy and define them and we talk about other things.

Nowadays, especially since lockdown, I find I’m happy to go for days not talking to a soul if I’m immersed in some activity. I’ve already had twenty years of living on my own and no family so I am used to the solitude and no longer think much about what other people are doing. Maybe that makes it easier for me. I will always miss my DH but never having had children or grandchildren, I can’t miss what I never had.

When I was first widowed, I used to find weekends terribly lonely, especially long BH weekends and evenings too once I was no longer too exhausted from work to think about it. Easter seemed to go on forever. I managed the loneliness by finding some interesting voluntary work. The jobs have changed over the years but I have never stopped volunteering at the weekend … and some evenings too since I retired.

That’s not to say I don’t very occasionally have blue days, days when I would love to have someone to just chill out and do nothing with. It sounds like RosieandherMaw is having one of those days. It will pass but know that you are not alone in feeling this way.

I always enjoy your post RosieandherMaw and miss you when you don’t post in the morning. I agree some people are very busy but it’s not always for good reasons.
I hope you can find a way round your present mood.
Two widows I know have moved into over 55 accommodation and feel much happier, obviously not for everyone.

The down days are hard for sure maw, of course I shouldn’t generalise but my guess is the majority of older people get them.

My trigger is a sense of not being needed by the family . Local grandchildren are independent teenagers, as they should be. The younger one lives an hour away, not far in the scheme of things. With a geographically close, available and reliable network of care from his Mums family we’re not needed there as we were.

My days are often routine and yes, sometimes I wish for more to keep me busy and involved with the family. Having said that I know that physically I’d not cope with constant child care and try to keep my reactions in check.

I’m sure your friends appreciate you being the instigator maw, someone has to be after all, it’s perhaps how they expect you to be. Why not contact your neighbour? She’s probably wondering why you haven’t.

Hope you wake tomorrow feeling brighter. We’re all entitled to feel as we do, just allow yourself to come back to being you in your own good time and why not post boring things on the GM thread, I do . .

I love your posts Rosiesmaw, so hope you'll continue to post on GN.
You are wise and witty!

We can all be lonely sometimes and sad for no reason.
Being a widow is not nice as I well know. You never get over it but merely used to it.

I keep myself busy but that doesn't stop the sometimes unbearable pangs of self pity and longing for what I don't know.

I suddenly found that my 2 youngest DGD are down staying with the other DGP but luckily they are being brought to me tomorrow for a few hours. I don't believe I've seen them since Christmas.

I try not to share my sad news on GN. What's the point.

And can I just say - hesitantly, I'm really not meaning to offend - but when someone opens up about their loneliness and being totally ON THEIR OWN - others coming along and saying they know how the poster feels and then going on to say I only have my DH or I only have xx children at home- well in that case you're not totally alone so you don't know what it's like. It's kind of patronising in a way
Yes, yes and yes!
You get these comments around Christmas and maybe Easter.
“We were on our own, just DH and me”
As soon as you see the word “We” (unless it is QEII and the “Royal We” ) don’t bother to read on!

I was widowed when I was 49,I am 77 now.I have an active social life am in contact with my children regularly.I even have a great granddaughter now.

But I still get achingly lonely from time to time,I have nobody like my husband to share things with,I miss having that one person in my life,that one person who always loved and protected me and who I could share my deepest thoughts with.

We all look forward to the better weather and longer days, but ironically I think that can also having a negative affect on mood. We perceive that everyone, apart from us, is out having a great time socialising in sunshine, which can be very far from the truth.
I hope you will soon be feeling better * RosieandherMaw*

Kate54

Perhaps we need a light-hearted ‘boring morning’ thread to level things out a bit.
My contribution today would have been ‘Took a broken mop, an old picture frame and some worn out windscreen wiper blades to the tip. Considered clearing out the cupboard under the stairs. But didn’t.’

Hobbled round the kitchen with my zimmer frame, balancing a dish of cornflakes and sliced banana then hobbling back to fetch a cup of tea. The phone went, nothing important. By that time my cornflakes had gone soggy.
Did some puzzles, looked on GN, sat outside. Read.
Eat lunch, repeat.

Maw I hope tomorrow will be a better day for you but I do understand how you feel. When I have days when I feel very much on my own I find a good audio book keeps me company.

Oh RosieandherMaw. I’m sorry your life is so sad at the moment. I have experienced loneliness in different ways - but you are right to say a ‘we’ does not come close to your situation at the moment. But there does seem to be others on this thread who are genuinely walking in your shoes. I hope you can help each other x

Love the idea of an alternative GM thread 😂
Sat in my jamas til 11.00. Sat thinking what to do but did nothing. Ate my body weight in crisps and cleaned out the cat tray. Tomorrow I will tackle the dried cat sick on the spare bed. Exhausted so had a little nap 😴

Maybe volunteering would get you out and meeting some different people Maw?

I often think the GM thread is a bit like an episode of Mapp and Lucia.

I hope you are feeling a bit more buoyant OP at this end of the day and after reading the sympathetic replies. I agree sometimes the sunny days can be worse for feeling lonely even though I have longed for them through the grey winter. I hope tomorrow sees you happier/contented. I think your thread has helped a lot of GNs to feel not like the only one feeling lonely.

Maw
I understand a little of how you are feeling. Sometimes I wake up and feel low for no reason at all.

I remember you have said before that you find Sundays difficult so a 🤗 from me and at least you have Rosie.

Please don’t think my ‘boring’ thread idea was intended in any way to underestimate the feelings expressed here about loneliness. There have been some empathetic and hopefully positive responses to the OP.

Allira

Kate54

Perhaps we need a light-hearted ‘boring morning’ thread to level things out a bit.
My contribution today would have been ‘Took a broken mop, an old picture frame and some worn out windscreen wiper blades to the tip. Considered clearing out the cupboard under the stairs. But didn’t.’

Hobbled round the kitchen with my zimmer frame, balancing a dish of cornflakes and sliced banana then hobbling back to fetch a cup of tea. The phone went, nothing important. By that time my cornflakes had gone soggy.
Did some puzzles, looked on GN, sat outside. Read.
Eat lunch, repeat.

See, I find that interesting to read!

Elverhal so sorry to hear your widowed in your 50’s. I do hope your girls bring you some comfort. Sending you hugs.

LadyGaGa

Love the idea of an alternative GM thread 😂
Sat in my jamas til 11.00. Sat thinking what to do but did nothing. Ate my body weight in crisps and cleaned out the cat tray. Tomorrow I will tackle the dried cat sick on the spare bed. Exhausted so had a little nap 😴

Thought about dusting and pushing the vacuum around and decided it could wait another month. Noticed another cobweb. Ate bodyweight of large cat in Lindt Milk Chocolate Filled Eggs. Noticed last six entries on banking app are Tesco £3.50, coincidentally the price of Lindt Milk Chocolate Filled Eggs. Typed giving up things for Lent into Google but typed thongs instead of things. AI tells me: Lent is a time for reflection, prayer, and often, some form of self-denial or "giving up" something. The specific item people choose to give up is a personal decision, and it's not traditionally related to clothing items like thongs.

Kate54

Please don’t think my ‘boring’ thread idea was intended in any way to underestimate the feelings expressed here about loneliness. There have been some empathetic and hopefully positive responses to the OP.

I washed every window inside this house this morning.

Not outside. That fun will happen soon.

I'm so boring, I hate dirty windows.

Harris27

Elverhal so sorry to hear your widowed in your 50’s. I do hope your girls bring you some comfort. Sending you hugs.

Thank you Harris.
I feel slightly better than I did earlier when I posted.
Xx

Maw, I am sorry you feel this way. Ironically, always envied your visits to exhibitions, shows etc and thought you had a busy life. It just shows how perception varies.

I think the main issue understandibly for you, is missing your beloved Paw, as it is for many on GN. I cannot imagine what life would be without my DH.
I always admired how hard you battled for him and your constant devotion.It must have left a huge void.

As for the Good Morning thread, it was lifesaver for me, when ill health resulted in me losing my job. A kind word was all I neede
On top of that, having to sheild for two years, meant a very lonely existence, but the GM thread kept me going. I realised who my true friends were.
I am often lonely, missing friends and the busy life I once had. People become tired of one turning down invitations and eventually disappear, because the cannot understand the implications of chronic ill heath.
I have never been good at making friends and making the first move. Dreadful insecurity and fear of rejection.

As for the GM thread, it is sometimes difficult to read of cruises, holidays abroad, visits to exhibitions and stately homes etc, when I am confined to barracks, but I don't feel envious nor bitter and certainly not a reason to scroll on by, because I am unable to
have those experiences.
Why shouldn't people post about what they do, without being criticised or made to feel bad because their life appears to be better than others? I think it is unfair to have a pop at the GM thread.

Social media posts are not always a true reflection of a person's life. I defy anyone to say the have a perfect DH or family.

Without meaning to sound critical, I take much of what I read on GN with a pinch of salt.

Maw, I hope you feel better soon. 💕

Depends who the " We " is, I think.

glasshalffullagain

Depends who the " We " is, I think.

I'm not sure what you mean.

Why shouldn't people post about what they do, without being criticised or made to feel bad because their lifeappearsto be better than others? I think it is unfair to have a pop at theGMthread.
👏 👏 👏
I don't think the word better is the problem, but maybe fuller? Simply because there is another person around for them to share it with.

Kate54

Please don’t think my ‘boring’ thread idea was intended in any way to underestimate the feelings expressed here about loneliness. There have been some empathetic and hopefully positive responses to the OP.

Sorry, I didn't mean to belittle it in any way either.

I do still have DH (although he was out most of today) but I know what it felt like when he was away for months on end and
sometimes without communication.

Everyone seems so busy with their lives, you feel as if you don't want to intrude.