I didn't want to remind them...

Thanks for all the feedback. My DH had a pre-arranged fishing trip on the ocean with 3 other men, so it was known he wouldn't be there. I wasn't too bothered about it, nor was youngest son. The baptism was a church mass and baptism only, no get together afterwards. My DIL's sister also had her twins baptised at he same time. Quite low-key with family only.

I'm still a bit ticked off for my eldest son forgetting. He should have remembered, and even though I feel bad about not sending a reminder text in the morning, he is an adult and needs to take responsibility and make any apologies necessary.

Water under the bridge now, I needed to vent.

DD who lives in Oz has always been organised about birthdays, DS has never bothered, his wife used to send the cards etc, but she doesn’t bother much now. I always used to be reminding them, but have given up.

They forgot one of their nephews/godson’s 21st. His mum, my DD, grumbled to me but I said I was tired of always reminding them, was sorry he forgot, but at 48 it is up to him.

I told my son his sister was annoyed about it.

Doesn’t help relationships and saddens me, but I have stepped back from being the appeaser.

Doesn’t help relationships and saddens me, but I have stepped back from being the appeaser.

Me too, after being told, "You're always making excuses for them."
I have good relationships with both. They can sort themselves out, or not.

Do not blame yourself!!! You have done nothing wrong!!
Your son is a grown man and must take responsibility for his own inactions. I am sure he has to do this at work.
My late OH never remembered his family's birthdays and in the end I stopped reminding him and let him take the flak!

Another thing.

The cost of postage has gone up a lot, of course, it’s expensive to post cards overseas.

And with Facebook, what’s app, texts etc, cards just don’t seem to matter much to our AC.

Having said that, DS still doesn’t bother communicating much with his sister abroad.

[sigh]

Carlotta, the OP clearly says her DH was away on a fishing trip.

I understand why you might remind your son about older relatives birthdays and so on because it gives them pleasure to know people are thinking of them ( even if they are not) but there comes a time when our grown children must take responsibility fir themselves and not rely on on someone else to constantly remind them to do something, be somewhere etc.

You can resign as social secretary , you have done your bit.

LauraNorderr

We are on a family WhatsApp group.
Morning of the event I usually post a message of congratulations, happy birthday, good luck or something along the lines of ‘looking forward to seeing you all later at baby’s christening.’
They think I’m a thoughtful mum but really I’m just making sure they all know!

Same here!!

It is easier to say “sorry I forgot” rather than “thanks for the invite but I dont want to attend”.

He's an adult, maybe he just didn't want to go, accept it instead of getting in a tozz, it's not the end of the world and nobody is dying.

Just read an article called ‘Let them’ it’s all about not taking responsibility for everyone else’s actions! I’m going to try it!!!

Sorry, but with calendars on phones with alarms to remind you, there is no excuse to forget. Don’t give males (or females )a get out of jail free card, citing gender, that’s a load of rubbish. If either gender wants to be bothered about family events, they can.
Don’t feel guilty about not reminding them, once you’ve disgust it, it’s up to them.

My mother used to remind me about everything and it annoyed the heck out of me so I would never do that to my DS. my DIL did once ask me for a list of relatives b'days etc which I supplied and then a few years later she asked me again for the same thing, again I supplied the list but that's all. They're adults it's up to them to remember or not and never yours!
I wouldn't blame your DIL as if your DS is so scatterbrained then he probably never told his wife about it.
I would have been more cross about your DH going on a fishing trip and missing the event.

I'm cross that you are blaming your DIL "a little".

Why ?
It's not her family

If you're reminding them of things, during their adult years, it might be that you are trying to shape them because you feel their behavior is a reflection on your own character.

You can decide when to stop this and live your own life proudly and with content.

I think he should have remembered . However I’m more astounded that your husband went on a fishing trip instead of attending his grandsons baptism. Strange priorities?

I remind the ACs of things that it would pain me if they forgot, e.g cards to older family members on significant birthdays.

Dear Canadian Gran, this is not your fault.

Stop reminding your grown son of anything.

Give him a calendar with appropriate instructions for his birthday or at Christmas, whichever comes first.

Your grandson's parents must know how scatterbrained the baby's uncle is, so they could have reminded him, couldn't they? Or simply issued the invitation to his wife?

Canadian Gran - why do you think you should police these things for them? They are adults - it's between them. If you get involved, you are in danger of driving a wedge between something they can fix themselves. Perhaps you should look at why it upset you so much.

We are quite a big family and I always used to remind each daughter of birthdays coming up, then I bought calendars for each and wrote in all the birthdays. I hoped they would hang them up, as I do, and I stopped sending reminders.
The result is that I get asked often when someone’s birthday is, some dates still get forgotten and disorganised (or can’t be bothered) youngest still ignores them all.

I’m afraid I have to remind all the members of my family about each other’s birthdays etc - at least that way none are forgotten !

Carlotta

^Why didn't your husband prioritise this event?^

We don't know from the OPs post if she has a husband do we? But even if she does, it's nobody else's responsibility to remind a fully grown adult son that he's got an important family commitment to attend. Particularly when he'd only been reminded 3 days earlier. If the adult son knows that he's apt to forget things, perhaps he should be setting up reminders on his phone. Or a diary. Or a post it note stuck on the kettle. So many alternatives to relying on his mum.

Even my DH is out of town on a pre-arranged fishing trip.
This is what OP wrote

win So there's your answer; OP has a husband but he was out of town; ergo he had no more responsibility to remind their son of a family commitment than the OP did. Stop infantalising adult offspring; if they're old enough to run their own home, they're old enough to organise their own diary.

Once again, thanks for input everyone. I have seen eldest DS since; he feels bad and will apologize to younger son. It's water under the bridge now.

I think (and hope) he will get better at keeping a social calendar.