I didn't want to remind them...

And as I was driving home, older son called to say good morning, what are you up to? Told him I was just leaving church, and he cursed as the penny dropped. "You should have reminded me, mum!"

I'm feeling bad for not reminding them. I shouldn't , but I do.

I apologise for being sexist but generally women are far more organised than men. So please don’t blame your son. It’s just how they’re made. I know from experience.

We are on a family WhatsApp group.
Morning of the event I usually post a message of congratulations, happy birthday, good luck or something along the lines of ‘looking forward to seeing you all later at baby’s christening.’
They think I’m a thoughtful mum but really I’m just making sure they all know!

I'm kicking myself mentally for not texting this morning. I know both son and DIL feel awful, but really, they need to get their act together. I'm not sure if other DIL will be forgiving, my younger son just rolls his eyes and says 'that's my brother'.

I’m no longer doing reminders CanadianGran as it’s time all family members got their act together, and it’s not my job to provide an alarm clock service.They turn up to social events or they don’t, after all they do get invitations just as we all do a and they aren’t teenagers any more.

Awks. On the other hand maybe they hoped they could just wriggle out of it. Their dad was on a fishing trip. They’re not religious. Perhaps (subliminally) they thought (hoped) attendance was optional?

It sounds to me like they weren't that bothered about going in the first place.

This happens a lot with my son as he has a memory like a sieve. I am done reminding him about this sort of thing, but there is a calendar on the fridge where I write all the important stuff I want him to know...

No, they're adults. They are now responsible for themselves.

One DD and DC are extremely well organised and would probably need to remind me and the youngest!
I do have a kitchen diary to remind myself of appointments.

I hope it was a lovely day, CanadianGran.

Why didn't your husband prioritise this event? It always seems the women are to blame, even if they say they didn't know or they should have reminded someone? Let's do stop babying men and letting them get away with rather too much while women feel bad or blame each other.

I probably would have reminded them in a roundabout way. Not the morning itself but the day before saying look forward to seeing everyone tomorrow, or whatever. FGT made an interesting comment too.

FriedGreenTomatoes2

Awks. On the other hand maybe they hoped they could just wriggle out of it. Their dad was on a fishing trip. They’re not religious. Perhaps (subliminally) they thought (hoped) attendance was optional?

It's strange that you never forget things you really want to do!

If you'd talked about it on Thursday then it's down to him whether they went or not.
You had reminded him in a timely manner: neither too far ahead, nor too late, which doing so this morning could have been considered 🙄

I use the calendar on my phone for all my events, and when I make a new entry I can send an invitation to anyone else who needs to know about it.
They can then add it straight to their own phone calendar, might that be worth trying for your family?

Try not to feel embarrassed on their behalf, but I would understand if your other daughter-in-law is annoyed about it ☹️

I hope you had a lovely time celebrating your little grandson's baptism and this didn't spoil the occasion for the people who were there 😊

Close family forgetting birthdays etc really annoys me……it is not difficult to put event dates on a calendar/diary is it? My OH family are terrible at remembering and rarely send birthday cards but are the first to bitch and moan if we are late with their kids cards and gifts.

DS has ADHD, he tries very hard to be organised, and usually manages very well,

I must say that I am believer in expecting my children to act like grown-ups and do not see it my responsibility to remind them of family engagements.

It is not just a problem with men. My late sister used to drive my other sister and I nuts. In the days when mobile phones were a dream and many people didn't even have landlines, we would give her dates, ask her to pass messages on to our parents when she was living at home still and all would go in one ear and out the other.

I actually do forget some things I really want to do - like hairdresser appointments when my hair's driving me crazy, or that a friend's visiting.
I'm awful at remembering and I always have been.
It's not because I don't care, I get really anxious before appointments / events & keep checking the time, but then it will just go out of my mind for an hour & it's too late.
& because I'm a woman, & we're supposed to be more organised, I do get a lot of stick. Alarms are not a lot of use because if I try to take my phone everywhere, I put it down & forget it, & I'm deaf so if it's in another room I won't hear it.

I saw DD this afternoon and asked her if GS1 would need his usual lift to the station tomorrow now the holidays are over. Her immediate reaction was along the lines of "Who? Needs what?" After a moment she said she supposed he would - and she's the organised one in the family!

I don't think it's my responsibility to remind grown people to do anything. Not send cards, arrive on time, go to events. Nope.

Not your problem, nor your dil's problem as nobody told her.

So, your son's first response was: 'You should have reminded me, mum.' Shifting the blame, no guilt.
How old?

Many years ago now, one of my children was being baptised. My sister-in-law and her husband were 2 of the godparents, but they never showed up. They arrived at our house a little later, when asked why they hadn`t turned up, they said they didn`t like going into churches!

Your eldest son and DIL did' nt attend the baptism. If your youngest son can accept and forget then please do the same. Did he forget or did he not want to go !? Whatever the reason it was his responsibility to attend or let his brother know he would not be there. Certainly not your responsibility to remind him to go!!
It was disappointing but not the end of the world , your GS was baptized and I am sure you had a lovely day, don't let your sons absence cloud your memory. The baptism took place and that is what is important.

I'd have been more annoyed that DH didn't prioritise his grandchild's baptism over a golf match - prearranged or not. Could it be that your son is following Dad's lead ?

Why didn't your husband prioritise this event?

We don't know from the OPs post if she has a husband do we? But even if she does, it's nobody else's responsibility to remind a fully grown adult son that he's got an important family commitment to attend. Particularly when he'd only been reminded 3 days earlier. If the adult son knows that he's apt to forget things, perhaps he should be setting up reminders on his phone. Or a diary. Or a post it note stuck on the kettle. So many alternatives to relying on his mum.

Hellogirl1 - your s,i.l. and husband take the ‘biscuit’ as they say.😂. I’m surprised you’re still talking to them
My daughter and middle son have always locked ‘heads’. They had some silly argument just before his first daughter’s christening, and he promptly ‘uninvited’ her. She was so hurt. She came crying to me. I could do nothing. It’s hard for a mother to watch conflict between your children. Ofcourse I attended the christening, but all the time I was thinking of my daughter. My son noticed it.
A couple of years later, he had his second child. Guess what ? His sister is god-mother to her. Wonders never cease.
As for reminding, I have to always remind my daughter of family events !!

If it wasn't important enough to come home from a fishing trip I don't think forgetting is significantly worse.

I feel sometimes like I mother my boys a bit too much, reminding them of things, asking if they've call aunts, did they send cards to so and so.

You shouldn't be reminding people if they are old enough to marry and have a family!

This is not your fault!