Feeling like I missed out on so much in life

I was brought up on a farm & I did have a long-term relationship with a farmer's son, but I ended up living a suburban life.
I've done lots of interesting things & don't have many regrets, but I would have loved to have stayed in farming. I'm never happier than when in my wellies & muddy jeans.

I missed out on learning the piano properly - I can play, but only to a basic standard. I had to choose between singing or piano lessons, and chose the singing because I was lucky enough to have a good instrument that needed nurturing - and it has brought me much joy. But I would love to have been able to play the piano well.

I also think I missed out on a lot of fun as I was married to a man who suffered with anxiety. Not his fault I know, but it did mean I missed out on some things.

I wish that it hadn't taken having an autistic grandson to make me realise why DH was like he was. We didn't have a bad life, but it would have been much more enjoyable if I had known why he was sometimes so difficult. There were so many times when I thought he was just being awkward on purpose. If I'd known there were things he couldn't help I could have found ways to deal with them.

Travelsafar, the Open University was created for people like you.

I am a Recovering alcoholic now, but in the time I was in active alcoholism I made some very bad choices,ones that I bitterly regret but can do nothing about……”Accept the things you cannot change” easier said than done….

I so wanted to go into medicine but my parents were horrified and blocked any chance even though they were called in by my teachers many times to suggest early entry into college.

Well done Shinamae. You now, I trust, have better years to come.
🙏

travelsafar not sure how busy you are but why not look at part time degrees now?

I did my MA part time and it was SO amazing!

Deedaa

I wish that it hadn't taken having an autistic grandson to make me realise why DH was like he was. We didn't have a bad life, but it would have been much more enjoyable if I had known why he was sometimes so difficult. There were so many times when I thought he was just being awkward on purpose. If I'd known there were things he couldn't help I could have found ways to deal with them.

I think I’d still be married now if I’d known about autism as I’m sure my husband was on the spectrum. It wasn’t something that people were aware of years ago or, if it was only in an extreme form.

We missed out on bringing our family up in rural Ireland.
That was a serious plan which fell apart over eight years.
😕

It meant a change of direction though which has meant that I have helped hundreds of others in a way I never would have done over there.
Silver lining. 🌞

I love this:
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and
the Wisdom to know the difference

I don’t believe in dwelling on the “if only”.
I wanted to be an air stewardess (of the BOAC variety) but I was too small plus it was not considered academic enough by the time I was in my teens.
Or a Pharmacist in a hospital (but useless at Chemistry)
But regrets? I’m still here at 77, unlike DH who when asked what he’d like for his 70th, answered “To see it” - well he made it (just) and died 6 weeks later.
He missed out on a lot, I don’t feel I am in any place to list my regrets.
What is the point of being negative? The “Serenity prayer” says it all.
(Luckygirl it’s never too late to take up the piano again!)

I’ve let opportunities slip through my fingers, I was young, had no guidance, and had my head turned by a man who completely messed my life up.

I have lived a life completely different to what I expected, but I don’t look back, I know I’ve been lucky to be able to turn things around, me who never wanted children, has for the last fifty years almost never been without children or grandchildren in the house, I was completely focused, absolutely set on my future till I got pregnant at eighteen.

I guess it’s natural to wonder, what if? But I think things probably happen for a reason, so I get on with it.

I have many many regrets of things not done opportunities lost because of the direction I had to go in I m not a negative person and accept that’s how it was, that doesn’t stop me being truthful and saying my life hasn’t been how it could have been and how I wish it had have been

NotSpaghetti

travelsafar not sure how busy you are but why not look at part time degrees now?

I did my MA part time and it was SO amazing!

OU is very expensive for anyone funding themselves. The fees are the same as for an 18 year old going to university.

Our lives are what they are. Regrets are pointless. Much better to take ones life in ones hands and make the most of what is left to us than sit around regretting the past.

The only thing I feel I missed out on was having a brother or sister. Especially the older I got, and now.

I debated about applying to drama school when I was 17 but ultimately chose not to. I have enjoyed many years in amateur dramatics but often wondered if I would have been successful as an actor or not.

I only have myself to blame for wrong choices and a life with lots of regrets. This thread has popped up at a time when I have been thinking about past and future a great deal.

I am ignoring the present which is the only state I have any control over. So I am taking my own advice....which I give boringly to others....and live day by day for a while. Get things done which need to be done and try not to look back
I have just had my coffee sitting in the garden which is looking fresh and pretty after a day working in it yesterday. That has given me so much pleasure this morning that could not be improved on whatever my past had been. And my little robin joined me.

“We cannot change the past, but we can use the present to shape our future!”

In my teens I allowed myself to be influenced by individuals who I now know were controlling me. Yes, I do feel like I have missed out on some things in life but now I make the best of everyday, try to do a good turn for someone each day and try to accomplish practical tasks.

Most of us would do things differently if we had our time again, wrong decisions, missed opportunities. I’ve missed a few, nothing disastrous, also thankfully a couple of ideas that didnt happen and would have been bad moves.

I do feel I let people down, because my parents showed no interest, I was helped enormously by a teacher, who became she believed in me, took me to interviews, nagged people, spent hours of her own time helping me. She must have wondered why she ever bothered, and yes, I do feel bad about it.

travelsafar
Depending on age it is still possible to get a student loan. A friend of mine did a few years ago. She had to be under sixty on the 1st day of the course for the maintenance part but the fees element isn't age-rekated.


M0nica My MA wasn't with the OU but a local university. It was maybe a third of the cost of the BA - and over two years.
I realise it's still cash from the bank though if you don't go for a loan.

I never became a ballet dancer, an ice-skater, a famous singer, artist or writer. I never visited Machu Pichu or Niagara Falls or the Great Wall of China. I never met a man I could tolerate living with for any length of time. I never had children who got on well with each other. I never had a house in the country, or a large group of intellectual and influential friends. I never learned the guitar or the piano, I never performed on stage or got elected to parliament. I never received a nobel prize or an oscar or was in any New Years honours list.
The list of what I didn't do is very long... but the list of what I have actually done with my life, or had done to me, is very long and I am grateful for all of it.
When you feel gratitude the regrets slip away. I have never been homeless or addicted to drugs, I have never lived in a war zone or lost a limb... the list of life is very long but for me it hasn't ended yet, as my almost 90 year old mother commented when she was asked if she ever felt tired of living, I still have so much to do...

"and to accept more freely that life is the sum of what happens and what we do. Not what should, or might have been".
This is a quote from an article in a newspaper very many years ago.
I have lived by it ever since.