Feeling like I missed out on so much in life

LauraNorderr

There is a reason that the rear view mirror is tiny and the windscreen is huge.

👏👏👏

I like that Laura

There is a reason that the rear view mirror is tiny and the windscreen is huge.

There is a lot I wish I had done by now. I'm in my 50s, but we must remember we are not dead yet. We can do it. It isn't too late. I'm going to travel and see God's beautiful places. Learn piano from my friend who teaches how to play passionately, not just like a student. Create a place for people who have nowhere to go where they can live and help them earn an income through something they enjoy. Let's do this!

Shinamae

I am a Recovering alcoholic now, but in the time I was in active alcoholism I made some very bad choices,ones that I bitterly regret but can do nothing about……”Accept the things you cannot change” easier said than done….

Well done Shinamae

Cossy

crazyH

I love this:
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the Courage to change the things I can, and
the Wisdom to know the difference

Me too! But it’s so much easier to read and quote it than actually do it

Yes Cossy. Some things go too deep.

Jaxjacky I feel humble quite often with my rather small problems.

The most powerful time was the first time that I worked very very late - waiting for someone at work. When I got home eventually, exhausted and hungry, to a house that was a complete mess, full of children's toys and the clothes airer, books and so on I stepped barefoot on a lego brick!

I had, however, just settled a weary, weepy but brave mum with a small child into the refuge where I worked. The toddler was half asleep. She was carried in wearing pyjamas without even a teddy.
I have never felt so grateful for my messy home and loving family. I can't say how blessed I felt that night.
I think of this often.
🙏

What a lot of interesting, some sad, some very brave posts. They make me realise even more how very grateful I am to those who have eased me along in life, some long gone and others who have ‘held my hand’ during difficult times.
Many of you people here make me feel quite humble.

Aveline

Since reading the OP yesterday I've been thinking and thinking about this thread. It's very interesting to consider but also quite uncomfortable somehow. Right now, as a pensioner, I feel I'm somewhat 'beached' in a good place. There have been some undoubted lows in my life but also some highs. Generally I'm grateful but now, far too late I realise I should have studied medicine instead of more fun easier courses. I'd have been a good doctor...

I should not have kept doubting myself and gone for the things I dreamed of instead of just dreaming and believing they weren't for girls like me.
But, it's too late now.

I have always considered the words 'If Only' the two saddest words in the English language.

We have all had times in or lives where had we made different decisions, things would have been different......but who can know if 'different' is worse or better.

My only vague regret is that I only ever had sex with one man, my husband. Never really wonderful or earth moving. We had five children, and then in later years, due to his MS, he was unable. When I hear and read of how wonderful this can be for many women (including my own daughters), I do have a little regret not having had other such partners - but at 84 have no inclination to find out now!!!!

My biggest regret, although totally out of my hands, is never being able to drive owing to poor eyesight. Always relying on buses in all weathers. However I have managed to have horses, although have not been able to have been as competitive as I would have liked. It has been very life limiting, always having to take a job which was on a bus route and socially difficult. However at 80 this year, and still living in a village, I am still able to walk a cross country course to check out the jumps before the competition, with my granddaughter and before that my daughter bonus! Other friends are not so lucky with their mobility.

Since reading the OP yesterday I've been thinking and thinking about this thread. It's very interesting to consider but also quite uncomfortable somehow. Right now, as a pensioner, I feel I'm somewhat 'beached' in a good place. There have been some undoubted lows in my life but also some highs. Generally I'm grateful but now, far too late I realise I should have studied medicine instead of more fun easier courses. I'd have been a good doctor...

That was addressed to not spaghetti
I haven't got the hang if this yet. To musicgirl I am unfortunately deeply atheist but I greatly appreciate the sentiment and kindness you have shown. You are quite right in your last sentence too. The burden feels like my own.

Thank you fir this response. Very kind and I know there is truth in it.

@Passiflora, we have all done, said and thought things that we later wish with all our hearts that we could take back. I am someone who can be very outspoken - it is a lifelong battle for self control in this area and, l am afraid, I have not always been successful. However, l am a practicing Christian and I believe in the Jesus who died for my sins and yours, rose again and is alive. If we sincerely ask for forgiveness we are granted it and the sin is wiped away forever. It is not necessary to mention these things to another human being. 💐

Passiflora - just look how far you've grown and developed.

Please credit yourself with that at least!

Out of my hands, I know. I often wonder how my life would’ve turned out had my parents and dog not died when I was in my teens……..

M0nica

NotSpaghetti

travelsafar not sure how busy you are but why not look at part time degrees now?

I did my MA part time and it was SO amazing!

OU is very expensive for anyone funding themselves. The fees are the same as for an 18 year old going to university.

Our lives are what they are. Regrets are pointless. Much better to take ones life in ones hands and make the most of what is left to us than sit around regretting the past.

I agree, the OU ( and a pre OU course ) changed my life … not the eventual honours degree but the fact that I enjoyed learning! I was divorced from a brief early marriage, lived with someone I thought was going somewhere til he got a job far away and didn’t ask me to go with him ( eventually realised it wasn’t me but his mental health issues. He checked himself into an institution for 5 years and came out having learned to make Lutes!) So whilst working full time ( I the 70s) I took a part time OU Degree Course. Married one of my Lecturers at the end of it ( Bad mistake!). However THEN I was paid for by my employers - The Civil Service - now I would have to pay my way. As the OP said …expensive!
But why not find a local course in something that might interest you, cheaper, often funded by the local authority? Or join the local U3a … lots of courses/ groups usually available depending where you are. Any form of education or craft can open you up to new experiences, new friends and get you doing something you never thought of . Forget what you MISSED… and find something new to do. I’m sure we all have various regrets, rarely does anyone’s life go the way we thought it would. So open yourself up to a new experiences? One to start …and the skies the limit. I’m still working from home part time as health allows and go out to various U3a groups to the point where I’m pretty tired ( 80 next year ) no need to stop and look back… look forward!

My problem is that I’m clever enough to know that I’m not stupid, but I’m too stupid to be clever enough. Both parents had passed before I was 15; which meant going into care which very little guidance and support, having to find work and to support myself financially and emotionally

HS62

It's no good fretting over what might have been, so yes seize the day.

One of my mother's (many) sayings was "If I knew then what I know now ...."
Well, we do know now so that can help shape the future.

Thank you for such kind comments. I do try and will keep trying. The worst person to forgive is oneself it seems to me. I should have done better. Cowardice is another thing I deplore in myself. But I do appreciate what you have both said.

I should have joined the WRENS but I was too short and my life took a completely different turn. So if only id been a little bit taller!

Oh Passiflora your post was so poignant. I think over the years you’ve held yourself in purgatory for such a long time maybe it’s enough now? Whatever you did you seem to sincerely regret it and feel thoroughly ashamed. I think it’s time to cut yourself some slack. Mentally atone one last time for any harm and hurt you’ve caused others … then truly let it go. Best wishes.

HS62

henetha