Feeling like I missed out on so much in life

mabon1 can always be relied on to put the boot in

That comment was meant for
Shinamae

Applegran

So glad and impressed that you are in recovery from alcaholism - and I send you lots of good wishes

I think you might have the wrong thread, Applegran.

I have had some awful things happen in my life but my only one regret was marrying my awful controlling husband. It took a long time for me to get away from. The only good thing from it were my lovely children . I wish I knew then what I know now. My life is much better now but there was a long time when it wasn’t

Sixty years ago at school I screwed up in German and was jealous of my friend who was really good at it. Sixty years of feeling sore and inadequate, and now six months of daily practice with the Speakly app, and hey, I'm quite good at German after all! I've discovered it's never too late to start feeling better about myself.

I didn't have a very easy childhood, my dad left when I was a baby and Mum was a single parent to me and my 2 siblings. I would have loved to have had a more loving upbringing, but my poor Mum was always working and never seemed to be there. I really wanted to stay on at school and do A levels, then go to university ( I wanted to be a teacher). However my Mum said she couldn't afford for me not to work, so I left school after taking my O levels. Luckily I got a decent secretarial job at the Town Hall; I got a few non-secretarial promotions over the years and particularly loved my last job in the Council's Legal Section. I stayed until I took early retirement. Although I regretted not going to university, I was blessed with wonderful work colleagues, 4 of which are like sisters to me. I have a lovely family who I adore, no money worries, and many good friends, so all in all, I haven't much to regret.

Stop moaning and get on with the life you have. Surely if you really wanted to do all those things you could have rolled up your sleeves and done something about it. Procrastination is the their of time
Or even the thief

Lovely post, keepingquiet

I sometimes wish I have more than one child. My husband is much older, and I worried I might end up as a young widow with 2 young ones so stick to one. I do regret not teaching my daughter my native language.

The time I felt that I was missing out on life was in mid forties when I had my early menopause. I really struggled with it in my 40s and 50s especially due to the lack of sleep. The female doctor was so reluctant to put me on HRT.

Other than that, I have few regrets. Now in my sixties, I am quite content with my life and the way it has turned out.

To some extent I have been lucky. Made some rash decisions but still managed to land on my feet instead of falling flat on my face.

I made some poor choices when I was a teenager, which I partly put down to being orphaned at 15. But on the whole I try to think that I learned from those bad decisions and whilst my life to some sounds boring it suits me just fine. I’ve been married to my best friend for 43 years, we’ve got 4 wonderful children, who’ve craved our good careers and given us 2 gorgeous granddaughters. We travelled a bit, we own our home and cars, so on the whole I don’t have many what ifs, and I’m truly grateful for all of it, even the bad things.

I'm not given to navel glazing as my dad describes it. I don't have any real regrets. I was one of a generation told "girls like you don't go to university" at school so I got a job. I worked for a decade in healthcare and then married and had my family all 3 had AN. So for 20 years I was a SAHM and in addition an unpaid carer for my elderly grandparents. I divorced in my mid 30s and because a lone parent but aged 47 I was persuaded to apply for an extended degree at a local university and graduated with a very respectable honours degree. I followed it up with an accelerated MSc which I also passed with Merit.
Since then I have worked full time albeit in roles that are in the voluntary sector so pay poorly, but flexible to enable me to care for my now adult children, my late mum and now my dad who had advanced dementia and is in a care home but still requires input at his DoLs representative.
I'm 62 now and do wonder if my life would have been different had I made different choices, and savings would be nice to have (my ex took everything) as would a happy marriage and I do wonder what it would be like having a husband who supported me rather than dragging me down.

henetha, I read your post with interest ( and perhaps a little sadness)
I am grandmother to a little adopted one.
The baby was removed at birth due to the parent's inability to parent their first child.
A wonderful childhood is being enjoyed, with lovely experiences, good times with cousins and an excellent education.
I do, however, wonder if the regrets you refer to will overshadow the teenage years and beyond.
Of course, these parents did not choose to walk away, they were simply unable to rise above their difficulties with poor mental health, substance abuse, offending behaviours and so on; perhaps that will be easier to understand.
I'm an only child and craved a sibling, so I over- compensated and had four children.

I didn’t have a good childhood and I have made several bad decisions but if I had had a different life, I wouldn’t have had my DD and DGC.
I can’t have my cake and eat it, although I maybe sad sometimes, I live a better life than many others, which I am grateful for.

Thank you to everyone who contributed to this - so illuminating, interesting, motivating.
There can be no greater illustration of how different we all are.

I've always been a trier, but what I've lacked in my life has been guidance. So I would've liked a mentor, someone who could have guided me and offered a little advice here and there. I had strong interests and enthusiasms, but they could have been channelled better.

Encouraged by teachers to stay for 6th form and apply for University with no previous family experience I was as scared of the prospect as my parents were. Always an anxious soul I had little self confidence. Still wanting to study evening classes supported two ‘A’ level passes. By then I was happy working in a library, several in fact, meeting Mr C in a specialist industrial library.

Life went on. My anxiety based in a fear of not being good enough continued and I know did hamper me for years. Work was interrupted by children, as they got older I had a number of very enjoyable part time roles where I developed an interest in a speciality I’d never considered. I went, shaking, to a part time local course eventually achieving a Masters through part time study at two Universities. I’ll be forever grateful to the tutors who built my confidence enough to allow a 20 year super professional life

While at University I very much regretted not having had the ‘proper’ University experience. Eventually it passed as I began to work professionally and learned actually I was not only competent but highly valued as a colleague.

I regret nothing of the experiences along the way other than not standing up to the the very unpleasant management committee chair who was incredibly rude to me. I do still regret not having the confidence to believe in myself until I was in my late 40’s.

Of course hindsight is wonderful, looking back with overwhelming regret never helpful. Being aware of the source of the regrets has enabled me to encourage our children, some colleagues and friends to believe in themselves. Sometimes having had regrets can be useful.

I may bs wrong here but am sure I have seen adverts for free part time degrees from Oxford for old people . Please correct me people if am wrong !

Deedee and Mary b I’m interested in your comments as I wonder if my husband is on the autistic spectrum

That feeling is inescapable because our minds rove around the past and the future and it takes practice to live in the present. If you are looking for a way to expand your horizons in retirement find out if there is a branch of the University of the Third Age close to you. Even if there isn't they offer online talks.

I missed out on having a childhood with my mother and was brought up with my elderly grandmother. Didn't see my mother until I was 14. She had poor health so father won custody.

I missed out on teenage fun as my parents were quite victorian and disapproved of my friends and things I wanted to do. Then we moved to an isolated place so I lost my school friends and didn't have confidence to make new ones.

Just remembered! I was accepted for university and my parents consulted a cousin who lectured there. He looked at my A levels and told them I would not cope with the course so I took another path which really did not suit me.
I think this is why I have let all my children do what they want and make their own mistakes.

Some of these messages have been very interesting and comforting. My issue is that I don't feel so much regret as absolute shame and horror at the memory of so.e things I have done. Things that arose from arrogance and laziness and self indulgence. It's taken me years to get things right and I am grateful for what I have got away with every day. But the shame never dies. I withe with embarrassment and self disgust when they pop back into my memory, as they do several times a week or more often than that. I am afraid it will get worse as I get even older. I cannot forget the shameful things I have done and can never tell anyone. Sorry if this is too much. Please don't suggest therapy I could still never tell.

Writhe

Passiflora
I've done some very bad things in the past too but you can't rewrite history. You just turn the page and forgive yourself for past mistakes. As you're sorry and regret it you are now a nicer person. I'm the same and will always regret what I did.