Wheelchair users

My mother- in- law who used a wheelchair in the last few years of her life, just looked up at the person and said in a loud voice ' I'm doon here'. I miss her, she was a force to be reckoned with and people did not ignore her for long. You know, it taught us as in myself and other family members to always address the person sitting in the wheelchair.

Whenever I need to use the wheelchair MrB and I have both noticed that people only make eye contact with and speak to him. Even when it’s me they actually need to talk to

Ah yes the well known " does she take sugar " syndrome. Not just wheelchair users who are affected GoGo84 I worked with learning disabled people for many years and it was frequently assumed that they couldn't answer for themselves or hold any sort of opinion, Even people who should have known better made these assumptions. Left me so frustrated at times.

I can only add to previous posts, from my DD being 13 to now, at 41. It’s par for the course, unfortunately.

There’s still an assumption that the disabled really shouldn’t have a life. We bumped into the lady A (no names, although I’m tempted) who ran DD2’s wheelchair clinic, at a wedding fair in a 5* hotel.
‘Good grief L’ she exclaimed, ‘what on Earth are you doing here?’ I was so proud, when DD2 said ‘I’m making last minute checks, as I’m getting married here in June!’ It left A speechless.

I worked as a carer for many years and saw some carers talk over the heads of people who were either in a wheelchair or in bed. When I was in the unfortunate position of being bedridden in hospital and needing care, I knew exactly how that felt. Horrible.

Thanks for your input. I hadn't thought about it affecting other people who weren't in a wheelchair, but might also be (I don't know quite how to put it) be adversely affected in some other ways. Sorry, that still doesn't sound right.

Sadly my husband is now in a wheelchair following a severe stroke and we even get receptionists in hospitals addressing me rather than him.

Ah yes the well known " does she take sugar " syndrome.

Yes, sodapop I remembered that saying. There was a series on BBC Radio 4 for many years entitled that, exploring the treatment of people with disabilities.

Primrose53

Sadly my husband is now in a wheelchair following a severe stroke and we even get receptionists in hospitals addressing me rather than him.

I'm sorry to hear that, Primrose.It must be very hard for you both.
My mother used to get frustrated if she couldn't remember the right word and someone would anticipate what they thought she wanted to say.

It's horrible. I've been getting this since having to use a wheelchair at times (in between I use a mobility scooter). And yes people talk to OH over me. Even worse, OH automatically used to have me out of view of whatever reception desk we were going to. Not deliberately, but because it was instinctive to have himself in front of the desk and he was behind the chair. So I had to turn my head right round to try and talk to someone.

I decidedly was myself - smiling and addressing people as if I was anyone else, and yet people still kind of ignored you. It really is horrible.

I don't quite get that the same on a mobility scooter. A bit sometimes (at reception desks when someone is with me). But maybe I'm sat that bit higher and look more independent.

Absolutely hated being pushed in a wheelchair, and if I do end up needing one permanently I'd want a power one so I don't look "dependent".

Yes people almost always talk to the PA pushing the wheel chair.

I don't know if this is in the right place or not, if not please forgive and move to ehere it should be.
I am to have cataract surgery shortly. Have been advised to have a waterproof shield for showering, and they strongly suggest dark sunglasses. Are the wrap around ones ok to use as I already wear specs? I have to buy online and am a bit bothered about fit. Is there anything else people feel would be of use after the surgery please? I know its not a huge thing, but living on my own I want to be prepared for any eventuality.

My friend went for a cataract operation. She was in a wheelchair accompanied by her husband. The receptionist asked “What’s her name”. Her husband replied “ If you ask her, she’ll tell you! “

@MargaretinNorthant. You will probably only need the sunglasses for a few days and the wrap around ones are ideal. If you can fix your shower head lower than usual for a few days to avoid your face you probably won’t need a shield- we didn’t, just washed our faces at the basin with a flannel to avoid soap in the eyes. Hair washing was more tricky, but if it can be left for a few days, or a friend can wash it backwards over a basin avoiding the eye that works well. It’s a very short time before you can do everything normally.
You will find that the lens in your current glasses is too strong for the “new” eye, but they won’t change it until your 6 week check because the eye changes and adapts in that time. We just asked our regular optician to take the lens out for that eye, it was so much better.
Your eye will probably be fine and you will be seeing out of it without any problems within a day or two.

Fed up with people’s rucksacks and bottoms.
Hate damn thing. Awkward. Heavy to wheel myself.
I’d love a motor propelled. Scooters really far too big in shops cafes or restaurant.
Getting whizzed by things you’d like to look at.
I end up having a hissy fit!
Or grabbing on to clothes racks. I’ve pulled things off accidentally
Reversed scooter into display cookware making a racket.
Getting stuck in lift with 40 pairs eyes staring at me!
And so on. It’s chair or nothing.
2 rare diseases .brain tumour removed adrenal insufficiency, both him joints and knee joints replaced. New thumb joint.
Load aggressive tumours benign pain removed from spine last year. Now waiting for infected bile duct hernia and kink in intestine sorted. I’ve Acromegaly/Gigantism, bowel longer than everyone else’s. No support. Have to sort the endocrine stuff myself as rare diseases. Ok if you’re diabetic or thyroid patients. No energy to drag myself about. Outings GP or Hospital appointments. DH works full time. Cares for me. Cooks and cleans. He has very responsible job and spends a lot of time I’m sure hiding behind the curtains! Moved to Wales. Here the most non patient centred care ever come across.
I don’t have Motor Neurone or Parkinson’s. How horrendous to live with those ghastly diseases. .Im damned lucky.
Onward And Upwards and all that!
Sorry to bore you all to death xxx

Hip joints🤪

I have used assistance like this at Manchester airport many times and never have this problem .

It's a reflection of the poor attitude towards disabled people in general. I agree with Georgesgran, that people don't expect (or want) disabled people to have a life. A close family member is a permanent wheelchair user. When we're out and about enjoying ourselves, a few of our local acquaintances make a point of coming and asking if we're alright and if we're sure we don't need any help, in concerned, hushed voices, as though they don't expect us to do normal things like go to the cinema, a restaurant or the shopping centre. All they see is disability.

Sorry, but I'm going to have a tiny rant about the users of motorised wheelchairs in shops and supermarkets.
Please don't propel yourselves at wheelchair top speed up and dow the aisles. You really could hurt someone who isn't as nimble as they were. Actually the main offenders are men.

I use a scooter around my local town and a powered wheelchair when I need to go on any sort of public transport. As I am usually unaccompanied on any of my trips, people can only talk to me and all do so. On those occasions when I go out with family, my daughter just ignores anyone asking her questions instead of directing them to me.

I find that the overwhelming majority of people are extremely kind and helpful and have often been very grateful for assistance from bystanders

I agree that people who do this are annoying, but in my experience, most motorised wheelchair users are considerate and are usually the ones being bumped into by people who don't look where they're going. People will also think nothing of barging in front of wheelchair users, especially in supermarket aisles, expecting them to wait for long periods before they can move, instead of standing aside and letting them through sometimes.

I always try to address the person in the wheelchair or other disability. I think those of us who have a disability ourselves tend to be more understanding of others. Another problem is when people barge in and take over entirely. Again, a question of asking the person concerned. I once saw an older man in a shop trying to choose CDs. He was obviously partially sighted and was straining to read the titles with the CDs almost touching his eyes. I asked him if he would like me to read the titles for him and he accepted. If I had simply read the titles without asking permission first, he might very well have been insulted. I think we always need to remember that the person is first and their disability second and their dignity is vitally important

My daughter is a wheelchair user. She has been pushed out of the way in a shop by strangers as though she were a trolley, spoken over, and had dogs on long leads climb onto her. Most ppl treat her well and thoughtfully, but the ones that don't are outstandingly rude.