Finding it hard to come to terms with the limitations on my life ....

Thank you to all the lovely kind posters who have boosted my morale and come up with lots of suggestions.

Yesterday was a massive challenge as I went to hear the concert given by my choral society and my legs gave out as I was walking from car park to venue - it was very scary and deeply upset me as we do not know why I get this "dead legs" problem - and it is getting worse. The emotional overlay to such things is a big problem.

I am back home and mostly seated and things are not too bad - I might try a slow walk round the garden and see if I can manage it. Definitely a GP appointment needed I think. They will have to do something about this.

Happy Sunday to all!

Grannylynj

Won’t catch me regaling the world with my problems

Totally unkind and unnecessary.

I too have followed your life over the past few years and know how important the choir was to you.
I cannot offer suggestions but send you hugs.

I have to rely on my husband for almost everything . He takes me out in a wheelchair. He does all the cooking,cleaning and has to help me with my clothes etc. We don't have any children so I live in fear of something happening to him. He is 76 and is very fit for his age. All this has happened in the past couple of years so I do feel very low at times.

Luckygirl3

Thank you to all the lovely kind posters who have boosted my morale and come up with lots of suggestions.

Yesterday was a massive challenge as I went to hear the concert given by my choral society and my legs gave out as I was walking from car park to venue - it was very scary and deeply upset me as we do not know why I get this "dead legs" problem - and it is getting worse. The emotional overlay to such things is a big problem.

I am back home and mostly seated and things are not too bad - I might try a slow walk round the garden and see if I can manage it. Definitely a GP appointment needed I think. They will have to do something about this.

Happy Sunday to all!

Several people I've noticed recently seem to be 'scooting around' with those walking aids that look like part of a bicycle. They seem to be really helping them. A member of my family has just acquired one as she's having back and leg problems.
I think they're called rollators.

Would one of those be useful when you're out? Better than falling and breaking a hip as has happened to three friends recently! 😯

Grannylynj Won’t catch me regaling the world with my problems

I'm not sure what the virtue is in that approach to be honest. Each to our own but it is unfair to criticise others who take a different approach!

Grannylynj

Won’t catch me regaling the world with my problems

Odd comment 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

I too, join the others, in sending love, hugs, empathy and positivity.

🪄🪄🪄

Yes Rollators are quite cool. There is a very smart lady who we see in Cosra who uses one.
Also could you perhaps have a music student as a live in assistant? Could drive you places, learn from you and be of mutual benefit.

Luckygirl3 What you have already achieved is amazing. 👏

I completely understand how you feel as my husband is the same. Until he had a severe stroke 6 months ago he was SO active. Still working, doing all our Home DIY, horseriding, motorbike riding, cutting the hedges, mowing the lawn, cleaning and polishing our vehicles etc.

He can now hardly do anything as all his right side is badly affected. He can’t walk, can’t use his right arm at all, his eyesight and hearing is affected.

Like you, he gets very upset and low.

I love that you can see some positive things about your life. ❤️

I am sorry to hear of your problems and unhappiness. I have had similar limitations for a long time, and don’t let them worry me now.

I too was a singer, in a symphony chorus. I gave that up in my mid fifties, as I feel voices don’t improve with age. I decided to go before I was pushed! I’m very glad I did it, for many years, but accept that part of my life is over.

I have great mobility problems and am virtually housebound. My children and grandchildren live at the other end of the country, but I do see them regularly, and they are very supportive. I follow their lives with great interest.

If your mind is still lively - and I’m sure it is - nothing can stop that.

Luckygirl3

Thank you to all the lovely kind posters who have boosted my morale and come up with lots of suggestions.

Yesterday was a massive challenge as I went to hear the concert given by my choral society and my legs gave out as I was walking from car park to venue - it was very scary and deeply upset me as we do not know why I get this "dead legs" problem - and it is getting worse. The emotional overlay to such things is a big problem.

I am back home and mostly seated and things are not too bad - I might try a slow walk round the garden and see if I can manage it. Definitely a GP appointment needed I think. They will have to do something about this.

Happy Sunday to all!

Well done on that huge challenge of going to the concert. As you say, its the emotional overlay as well as the practicalities getting there:

Making the change from being part of the singing and being a listener is a hard one. Music being so soul deep.

Just as not being able to move around and watching people who can is also a challenge as well get older.

A great post setting out the problem without an ounce of self pity. I have been thinking along similar lines not the singing but limited mobility. I think it's most important to aim at getting out of the house for a few hours a day, to feel.you've been somewhere and then.it's good to get back.

w1u7

I have to rely on my husband for almost everything . He takes me out in a wheelchair. He does all the cooking,cleaning and has to help me with my clothes etc. We don't have any children so I live in fear of something happening to him. He is 76 and is very fit for his age. All this has happened in the past couple of years so I do feel very low at times.

I am sure you do, I think fear of being alone and unable to help oneself is the biggest fear we have throughout are lives.

I think your best protection is protecting your DH. have you had a social services assessment to see whether you can get carers to come in to help with the basics, washing and dressing and getting ready for bed at night. Can you afford to have cleaners. Have you applied for Attendance Allowance. AA is a non means tested disability benfit that can be worth up to £110 a week.

If you are not getting it and get the forms, make sure you talk to Age UK or Citizen's Advice for help filling in the forms as they are complicated and require answers that are not always obvious - or, if all else fails - start a thread for help on GN. Several of us have experience filling in these forms and can advise.

Sending hugs!

I think that you are still suffering from grief, and this CAN affect your health. Take your time.

You have two major changes in your life - having ploughed into choir to cope with losing your husband. Sounds like your singing is a professional performance, so the stress is perhaps not actually as a result of the singing itself, but of performing? Does it raise if you are singing in the bath? Could you just join the church choir for example, as singing is really good for your breathing. My voice went, and now I just sing at mass.

I joined the Trefoil Guild and the U3A and changed direction from anything before. I only get out of bed when I am ready. I volunteer listening to the little ones read in my local primary school; I wonder if they would like help with the infants music session?
I just learned to pace myself, doing just one active thing a day rather than trying too keep up the same pace as before.

Sending you lots of love - definitely not going to tell you to ‘just get on with things’ -
Not our place - none of us can understand how awful poor health can be.
Maybe, if you’re a member of a church, someone can visit and take you to activities. If you can no longer ‘sing’ in the choir, could you help with planning choir events?
Sending you lots of love - don’t be so hard on yourself

Luckygirl13. You've got the wrong number!!!!
A close friend of mine has MD and had to sell her car because of it. She still has some vision in one eye and she now has a scooter thing which has a seat and loads of carry space. Not sure what you would call it, but it travels on the pavement and cannot go over 8mph. She’s be lost without it and people stop and talk to her about it. She loves it. It’s been her saviour since she was widowed. You’d see life differently too.
Good Luck

Sending you a massive hug. Similar story to me. One minute cycling up hills etc in Sept last year then first week in Oct in hospital for a heart problem I didn’t know I had That was fixed but diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis which is still not under control. Then weekly things cropping up with trips into A&E Including stays. Feel like I have a loyalty card for my local hospital. How did this all happen I ask and I just want my life back and be able to cycle and drive again but hands don’t work so can’t use the brakes. In the meantime I am keeping positive doing everything I can to get back to doing something I love. No idea how you avhieve this with singing as I can’t sing for the life of me. Can physio help with breating

It's horrible when you have a life but you cannot live it any longer due to health reasons.
I shall probably put this wrong, but you are still doing well at your age. Many people are bedbound or housebound, but it certainly sounds like you still have fight and fire in your bones.
It is sad about your singing; that is a big blow to lose that, but apart from attending and watching them, maybe online, I cannot at the moment think of a solution for you.
you said you like doing book reviews There are plenty of book groups online that you may enjoy. Nothing like a book to fill in the hours—it flashes by!
i send you love and i admire all you have achieved you are an amazing lady

I've seen very good rollators. Some have space to carry stuff and a little seat. I really coveted one when I was recovering from my various joint replacements. They fold up too to go in a car boot if your daughter(s) were taking you out to a concert. Just a thought.

Aveline

I've seen very good rollators. Some have space to carry stuff and a little seat. I really coveted one when I was recovering from my various joint replacements. They fold up too to go in a car boot if your daughter(s) were taking you out to a concert. Just a thought.

Yes, I think they're ideal.

I've been feeling very sorry for myself lately and reading what you have posted has made me ashamed of my moans and groans.
I have the utmost sympathy for you, you have had a terrible few years and now sound as though the one thing you have still been able to enjoy is being taken away from you. Perhaps you might be able to still have some involvement with the choir in a different way?
I think probably this sort of thing comes to us all as we get older and less able and I'm glad you have loving and supportive family and friends to help you through.

I am sorry life has sent you these issues and admire your tenacity
As for the singing, could you join/develop a community choir which is lighter and less stress! My friend has Parkinson’s and has been prescribed singing to help his breathing and swallowing! He loves it ! Is there an opportunity for you to join something similar? A mobility scooter is a good idea or ditch the car and use taxis with the money you save
I do hope you get your mojo back soon and wish you luck 💪🤞

Sorry to hear about your loss, Luckygirl3. Sadly, as you will know (from your own life experiences), most of us have some difficulties of one sort or another. I love to sing too, but am limited to the “good to sing” hymns at Church Services these days, and struggle with breath control at times. Just do what you can, and try to find new hobbies or activities to fill in any empty spaces in your days if you have them. Good friends are worth their weight in gold when you are on your own (as I am). I use a mobility scooter to get out and about locally, as I have Arthritis (as well as diabetes, high blood pressure and also have limited vision).
I hope you find ways to adjust to your new circumstances, but give yourself time. You have suffered some major blows, and need to come to terms with the way things are now. I hope you friends and family to support you. Sending Hugs to you.

Well, if anyone dares tell you to woman up, they deserve a right good skelping (scots word for having their bottom smacked.)

With everything you have been through and all the health issues you have, if anyone has a right to complain, you do.

Giving up the things that have been important to us, because we no longer can , or ought to do them is hard. To me it is the hardest part of growing old. So if you need a shoulder to cry on, go ahead - we are many in the same boat.

You do seem, however to see the good things too, and hopefully some of the health problems can be sorted out.

You sound very musically talented. Do you have to give up music altogether? Is there a community choir nearby? If you go on the Asthma + Lung UK website, you will find an online singing for lung health group and a Harmonica for breathing course which runs a few times a year. The harmonica course is run by Chris Upstart who also has a website and there are group sessions on there. The U 3 A run lots of activities and online sessions that are excellent. So if you find there are times you can't get out, there's plenty of online activities available. I spent last winter (and the previous winter) in the house so the U3A online courses were a godsend. There are also days out organised by U3A with transport included and there is something for everyone. Wishing you well.