Bully from school

I'd probably give her a cold glance, and say "Yes, I remember you well...." Then I'd walk away.

Magenta8

I would advise against confronting her. She is not the same person as she was 45 years ago and neither are you.

Before you reply that I don't understand the extent of the lasting damage that she did to you, believe me I do having experienced sustained bullying myself over a long period.

I know it is very hard to let go of deeply felt resentment but I have tried very hard, since the age of about 30, to put childhood traumas behind me and let go (I haven't always succeeded).

I really think you should even consider not going to the social occasion to protect yourself from being triggered particularly if you insist on a confrontation.

The chances are that she will deny all memory of having bullied you and she may even say she can't remember who you are. You will end up looking and feeling a fool and you run the risk of spoiling the occasion for other people.

Sage advice!

In any case, you shouldn’t confront anyone at a social occasion.

Thank you everyone for your response but I am going for my gut response which is to acknowledge her appalling unacceptable behaviour which has impacted on my life and that you have no concept of but are happy to contribute your appalling lack of awareness to - so yay you your to your life !!!

Thistle2016

Thank you everyone for your response but I am going for my gut response which is to acknowledge her appalling unacceptable behaviour which has impacted on my life and that you have no concept of but are happy to contribute your appalling lack of awareness to - so yay you your to your life !!!

We can only comment on what you have told us.

All posters have been offering advice, kindly and respectfully.

I hope you find closure.

This is reminding me of the estrangement threads.
Where sometimes no good comes from certain things.

GrannyGravy13

Thistle2016

Thank you everyone for your response but I am going for my gut response which is to acknowledge her appalling unacceptable behaviour which has impacted on my life and that you have no concept of but are happy to contribute your appalling lack of awareness to - so yay you your to your life !!!

We can only comment on what you have told us.

All posters have been offering advice, kindly and respectfully.

I hope you find closure.

Yes, exactly.

Thistle2016

Thank you everyone for your response but I am going for my gut response which is to acknowledge her appalling unacceptable behaviour which has impacted on my life and that you have no concept of but are happy to contribute your appalling lack of awareness to - so yay you your to your life !!!

You did ask. And we answered.

Thistle2016

Thank you everyone for your response but I am going for my gut response which is to acknowledge her appalling unacceptable behaviour which has impacted on my life and that you have no concept of but are happy to contribute your appalling lack of awareness to - so yay you your to your life !!!

Nobody is trying to diminish what happened to you, some are simply saying that this is not the place to confront her and the outcome may not be as you are hoping.

Hello everyone I do not have any consideration how they feel only how I feel
F them so why is there is this issue and please no issue required

Why post at all if you don’t want other peoples opinions? You have wasted our time, and your own.

Why did you ask if you were only wanting to listen to those that agree with you You have already made up your mind as to what you wish to do so I ll wish you good luck but personally I would never give someone the satisfaction of thinking they had broken me I d want to show them that I had been fine despite what they had tried to do but then we are all different
Good luck if you take the route you have decided to take I hope it doesn’t backfire on you

You'd obviously made up your mind before you even posted this, and now it seems that you don't like the fact that not everyone agrees with your proposed course of action. Hopefully you will come back and tell us all how it goes.

I’m another who advises you not to raise this with the person who bullied you.
It’s a social occasion, organised by someone who presumably hopes those invited will enjoy the event. What right does anyone have to accept the invitation whilst intending to create a scene

There are so many ways this could go wrong. You could even make yourself look bad doing it. I think you would be better of ignoring her.

Hope she's not on Gransnet...otherwise she will be prepared with boxing gloves at the ready.

Why engage and antagonise her?

Whatever you decide Thistle I wish you well

I was bullied relentlessly throughout secondary school, both physically, verbally and mentally, by certain individuals and it had such an impact that I left school at 16 rather than carry on through the 6th form as I couldn't cope with it any more. To be fair and balanced, I always knew I didn't want to go to University even though I was more than capable of doing so but I always felt that my choices were heavily influenced by the bullies and taken more through desperation and unhappiness than of my own volition. Do I regret it? No, I went on to live a happy life and have a good career in something I enjoyed immensely.

I was contacted a few years ago by one of the worst bullies via Facebook, who sent a very chatty message and appeared to have totally forgotten than they made my life a misery for so many years. I did reply, something along the lines of, "Yes I remember you very well" and blocked her, and that was it.

I think you are being unrealistic in thinking that your childhood bully will acknowledge what happened long ago, or admit to it. If you expect an apology you are setting yourself up for disappointment, more bitterness and a stirring up of emotions that you do not need. Either take the higher ground and ignore them/treat them as though you vaguely remember them or just don't attend and save yourself all the re-kindling memories that you really need to move on from for your own peace of mind.

Thistle2016

When you’ve done what you plan to do, how do you expect to feel?
What will you have achieved for you?

I still remember the names of three girls who made my life a misery at high school, but they haven’t counted in my life since then.
So what would me telling them achieve, especially if it is on a special occasion?

You might spoil the occasion the way you feel they spoiled your life, but you will be seen as being in the wrong.

If they listen to your rant and say something like “Oh I’ve always regretted that. I’m so sorry.”
They’ll look good and you’ll look like someone who tried to spoil things for others. Is that what you want?

If they haven’t changed, they won’t care and you’ll still be looked at as someone who spoiled an occasion.

If they’re liked well enough now to have been invited to this occasion, or for people to attend if it’s their gathering, it seems they have changed.

If you didn’t want advice or comments, why did you post?

Do not confront, just ignore her, if you start it she will have the upper hand and honestly you will make a fool of yourself.
I was bullied for a time, I do not give them headspace, and my revenge is how I have done well in my life.
Why rake up old coals, it will not make the past any better.

If ignoring her would be impossible I’d not go at all.

I can understand this is going to be really taxing for you. I was bullied for long periods at infant and junior school and it made my life hell. I started college and noticed a young man keep on glancing across at me in thr canteen several dinnertime. On the third day as I was leaving he followed me and asked whether he could speak privately. He seemed familiar but I couldn't place him, he was one of the bullies! I realised he had got quite red and was shaking. He confirmed my name and then asked my forgiveness. He said he and his friends had deep regrets. They had both been bullied at senior school and suddenly realised how frightening it could be and had both said they would apologise to me if they ever saw me again.
I felt that took tremendous courage and accepted his apology. It couldn't take away those years of misery but realised that it can also affect the bully if they grow up, reflect and regret their decision.
Thinking of you. Let us know how you get on.

Lathyrus3

Please tell me this isn’t somebody’s special occasion……….

😯

Surely not!

Are you meeting her alone for a coffee, Thistle2016, or at an occasion where there will be a lot of people? If you cause a scene, it will be embarrassing and she could be seen as the victim and gain sympathy.
She may even be horrified if she remembers what she was like.

DD found herself working with someone who bullied her when she was about 11 or 12. The girl apologised to DD and said she didn't know why she'd been so horrible. They didn't become good friends but were friendly enough.

You must have moved on- rise above it.

Casdon

Why post at all if you don’t want other peoples opinions? You have wasted our time, and your own.

Oh dear, I could have been watching a repeat on TV!!
RTWT first.