What Would You Do In This Situation

I'd tell them but in the very, very gentlest of terms. You have no proof that the cleaner may "take advantage". Mary probably is quite attached to her cleaner, not having a lot of people to relate to: I have cleaning help, and a friendship is there: if Mary wishes to give her a choice of things she is going to give to charity anyway I see no harm.

This will give her family the chance to raise it sort of casually..I'd only hesitate if you think the family is likely to make Mary's life. misery by being "criticised for something that was a natural instinct to offer the cleaner clothes she was going to give away anyway. I ask people I know if there is something I'm going to give to charity if they would like them, why not?

Having a spare key is a good idea as you could just have popped in to check all was OK, the only snag might be if it draws you into responsibilities you dont feel able to take on.

Thankyou Wyllow3 for your replies. Yes it's a bit of a delicate situation. I'm sure it's all above board but it was just an odd thing to say to me. I didn't think anything at the time she said it. It was only later that I thought about it.
I see what you are saying about being drawn into responsibilities but she seems close with her family so I don't envisage any problems there. She has her shopping delivered which is done on line by her family.

Its for Mary to tell her relatives you hold a spare key and exchange the phone numbers,

It's Mary's business what she and her cleaner have agreed.
Certainly not yours.

The cleaner has shown good faith by going to some trouble to seek help and attention for Mary. The very opposite of greedy mean or dodgy behaviour.

She openly told you Mary gives her unwanteed stuff; not the action of someone secretly taking advantage to steal.

Maybe do nothing now, just raise it if you suspect "being taken advantage of?

I think you are right Wyllow3. I'll leave things as they are and leave it to Mary to tell her family.

The fact that she actually mentioned what happens to her stuff makes you think the cleaner is probably ok. It all depends what sort of things she means - if it is old books, craft or ornaments probably fine but if it is jewellery,maybe not.

Be very careful.
You could destroy the trust between your neighbour and her cleaner unnecessarily. If the family visit regularly they will doubtless notice the effect of regular clear outs , and it is up to them to investigate.

I don’t think it’s your place, I think it implies Mary doesn’t know what she’s doing, and I’m sure she would find this offensive
I have a very good relationship with my cleaner, and on occasion have given her things I no longer need.

No do not say anything ….the cleaner was very upfront and innocent in telling you that Mary gives her bits if unwanted when cleaning out
I think although we have to be aware we mustn’t immediately think suspiciously about everyone
You do not say Mary has dementia or anything other than being elderly I don’t know what your definition of elderly is
I m 80 and would be more than able to know what I was giving someone and if they were taking stuff that wasn’t theirs
Did you mean that the same cleaner does both flats ? If so then she is trusted by the other couple too
Food for thought and although It’s weird to think this but you are now in the same picture frame as the cleaner and could equally be suspected by others if things were missing just by holding Mary's spare key

So forget about it for now but you are so right to be aware my Aunty lost everything to her carer and it only came to light after she died We went to a solicitor but could get no where as we couldn’t prove my Aunt didn’t give her everything (including her money) willingly she was of sound mind but incredibly frail and the carer had family holidays and a new car on my Aunty , but my Aunty loved her We did report her to her agency too to save others but as far as I know they did nothing. The police weren’t interested because we had no proof

I agree with others that the cleaner had no need to tell you that Mary gave her ‘stuff’ when they sorted out.

Plus you say the family visit at weekends, so it’s not that she has no one else.

I too would keep my counsel.

I agree that you should say nothing, for now. Too easy to jump to conclusions, make false accusations.

On the other hand, if Mary were to show signs of dementia, the sort of situation could arise where she gives away valuable items. My mother-in-law did this. She gave pieces of jewellery to her carers. They are not meant to accept such gifts. There was nothing we could do to prevent it.

Moonwatcher, even if the lady is dementing she can still give things to the cleaner if she wants to do so, including good stuff if she so desires. It's unlikely the lady is giving away anything of tremendous value. Maybe she likes the cleaner friend more than she likes her relations

Another reason to do a Swedish Death Clean. Get rid of all the stuff you no longer need so that there is nothing for cleaners/carers to take which hasnt already been sorted and given to family and friends. And just keep stuff you use all the time. Wear the jewellery you keep. Use the crockery and silver. I am reminding myself as I write.

From what you have all said I think I'll take a step back and if I can catch the family esp. her son I will give him the key back. I will just ask him for his number for any emergency.

The cleaner may have mentioned it just because she wanted you to know that Mary had been good to her and there was a bond between them. She was obviously concerned for her - she could have just knocked the door and left when there was no answer.

I don't think I would say anything - but I would feel bad later if I found out there was something going on.

But you could always chat to Mary about how nice it was that the cleaner was so concerned, that they obviously get on well, and just see if she mentions giving stuff away. Mary might even be using the cleaner to get rid of stuff she no longer wants but hasn't got around to disposing of, which is a win-win as both Mary and the cleaner gain.

I would say something,

In the world of safeguarding, the woman might be classed as vulnerable? Though you do not state her age, any disablities, or state of mind[not that you have to].

If the cleaning lady told you about being given things she wanted, then it is all above board and I would say nothing to her relatives. If they brought it up with your neighbour. they would need to say who told them and that would ruin your relationship with this lady and a good cleaner.

If you had found out this was happening and the cleaner had not mentioned it, then you should tell the relatives, because it may be underhand.

As things go, if the cleaner told you this, when you do not know her well, then everything is OK.

My elderly friend always gives her cleaner first pick of anything she had decided to give to charity. The woman is always happy to do things that would be outside her remit of cleaning the house. She will run my friend to a medical appointment, etc.
I think k if thr cleaner had any evil intent she wouldn't have mentioned it to you.
I'm glad it was a false alarm and your dear neighbour was fine. It was good of thr cleaner to be so worried and actually do something about it.

Maybe to put your mnd at rest you could take some unwanted stuff to your neighbour and say you thought the cleaner might like them.

If your neighbours says, Yes I'm always giving her stuff, you'll know.

If she says No, I wouldn't giver her anything, you also know...

I don't think that the cleaner would have told you that she'd been given things if she intended to take advantage of your neighbour.

nanna8

The fact that she actually mentioned what happens to her stuff makes you think the cleaner is probably ok. It all depends what sort of things she means - if it is old books, craft or ornaments probably fine but if it is jewellery,maybe not.

I agree, if anything nefarious we’re going on the cleaner probably wouldn’t have mentioned anything.
The main issue might be is ‘Mary’ showing any signs of even mild dementia, as she may not realise what she’s giving away. I often give away things to my cleaner to take to a charity shop for me and tell her if she wants any of them or to sell on eBay please do. I’m in my right mind( I think!) and know what I give away…my sons would like me to declutter more!

I was a cleaner for several elderly clients who used to say take it I don't want it which made me feel uneasy so I tried to speak to their families as much as I could and to make sure I had proof that the gift had been given and not just taken, usually they would say it's up to Mum or it's there business .

I would engineer a social meeting with the lady. Invite her to tea, or make a visit yourself. You can then bring up the topic of sorting out your own possessions and giving them away and see what this lady says.