Baby Showers

If you've been invited I think you should go.

I wouldn't go. Since you have already contributed (very generously by the sound of it), you've already done your bit on the "showering baby with gifts" meme so you can cop out gracefully.

When I said I think you should go Elless I was thinking attending but not taking a gift.

I would love to go to a baby shower. None of ours had one.
I think if you have been invited you should go, but try to join in the fun and don’t show your disapproval.

Oh just go. It'll be a bit of fun and a nice social occasion. It's not all about money

It's their first baby and she'll be so excited. Don't be a downer on a happy party.

I would go. You don't need to contribute any more to the group gift. That's more for the friends to do. Our DD2 and her DH were bought a baby listening monitor by the group, but I did notice that several of them brought a little toy too as a gift.
I was also the guest at DS's bash for his baby's shower, and both mothers had to say a bit about their (soon to be parents) offspring. It would have been very sad if the occasion had missed out on Hearing about the funny exploits of my --naughty== son as a child. I got my own back!

I'm not a fan of them but I went to support my daughter and chat to other family and friends. I played the silly games and took a token gift which was really for my daughter.

I think that they are dreadful and another American affliction.
However as this involves your son he would be hurt if you did not attend.

I've been going to baby showers for more than 50 years. Of course that's not what they were called then. Just a nice party for ladies to chat about babies, play silly games and hand in small gifts of things that they had found useful themselves. A nice experience for potential new Grans too.

I'm not a huge fan of them either, but I went along to both to support my DiLs and meet her other family and friends. Just treat it as a social occasion and take a token gift. We had already bought the cot for our little GD who was born in June, so I just took a token gift to the baby shower.

I’m not a fan of baby showers as my sister had two still born babies , both at around 8 months . Thankfully this is rare . However when I’m invited , I still go to support the mum to be . So I your case I’d go . It’s nice to meet new people and to support your dil .

One of my DS's friends recently announced that they were having their fist baby. First of all they had a gender reveal party and everyone brought a present. Then they had a baby shower and circulated a list of presents they wanted. DS went to both but with a very bad grace to the baby shower.

I don’t much like the idea of them - at least partly because I’m superstitious about any presents for a baby until it’s arrived safely. A friend of a dd had a stillborn baby fairly recently totally unexpected, no obvious cause.

My dd had no baby showers for any of her 3, but she did organise one for a friend who was finally pregnant after many years of heartache and IVF.

OP, if I were you I’d go, just to keep things sweet - you surely wouldn’t want to upset your DiL at this stage.

I’m full of admiration that you can stop yourself from buying things for a new baby. Usually the problem is the other way about with grandparents overbuying!😬

I think it’s lovely that you have been invited but if you really don’t want to go you could enquire of it is mostly friends of her own age and then excuse yourself by saying you dot want them to feel inhibited by your presence.

If it’s mixed and family then I think not going could cause a bit of trouble. Either way I think they will still be looking for a little gift from you regarding the Shower.

I think they could read something into your not going that isn’t intended 😱

Daft American commercial nonsense. Why celebrate before the baby’s birth? Many awful things can happen during pregnancy and birth.

DD1 organised a Baby Shower for DD2, but in my back garden. It was a lovely afternoon - just after lockdown and everyone seemed happy to celebrate the occasion and just being able to get out!

Do go Elless but as you have already gifted you may just want to take a little treat for your DIL . Just go with the flow.

I’m superstitious too Witzend. I bought nothing for my first baby before he arrived. Then I sent my husband out to buy half of Mothercare.

Goodness this is no time to be a party pooper!
If your daughter-in-law has invited you then you go.

I went to my first one earlier this year for my son and daughter-in-law's first baby.
It was in her parents' garden and was a lovely afternoon catching up with everyone.
There were some games, the one I enjoyed most was where we all had a plain wooden block to decorate to make a unique set for our grandson.

We'd already paid for some big items so I just took a pack of dribble bibs as a token!

Invitations are not summons

However, thread carefully as this is not about you, it is about the parents to be and celebrating their joy.

If you do not attend and they get offended, it may affect your relationship with them and therefore, with your gc

The money you gave them, was it voluntary? Came from you without them asking?

What do people think about baby reveals… if that’s the right term. Or baby showers, personally these American imports are not for me. They seem just another excuse to get more presents/ get people to spend money. Bah humbug maybe, but these were never heard of back in my day, or my dd either.

However if invited go of course and take flowers or something small given your generosity. Oh and congratulations 🥳

American here. Lots of baby shower experience, which is not the norm in the UK I believe. They suck to attend, but we all do it anyhow.

Go. Do it to support your DIL. It will go a long way for your relationship. Do not take an extra gift though. You already purchased and gave it to them, so no additional gift is needed.

This isn't about the baby, but more so your relationship with your DIL. It is only a few painful hours out of your life.

IMO

This isn't about the baby, but more so your relationship with your DIL. It is only a few painful hours out of your life.

Yes, this is it in a nutshell. Whether you like the idea of them or not, it's not about you - it's about your DiL. Suck it up, put on a happy face and be there for her.