Baby Showers

Not the norm but increasingly becoming so imaround. As is the baby reveal… assume that’s from America too?
Whatever next?

I went to my (now) daughter-in-law's "first baby" shower because I felt horribly obliged to as it was organised by her sister and mother who I'd never met.

I did say afterwards that I wouldn't be going to any more - and haven't.

This particular daughter-in-law turned down baby showers for her next babies BTW and my own daughters haven't wanted one.

I wouldn't go to another of these - it seems (from my experience and stories from others) that there's something of a mindless "hen night" about a lot of them.

You can, of course demonstrate your love and support for the new family in hundreds of other ways.

silverlining48

What do people think about baby reveals… if that’s the right term. Or baby showers, personally these American imports are not for me. They seem just another excuse to get more presents/ get people to spend money. Bah humbug maybe, but these were never heard of back in my day, or my dd either.

However if invited go of course and take flowers or something small given your generosity. Oh and congratulations 🥳

Yes, this!

If you've given generously already, perhaps some nice moisturising cream for the mum-to-be and a small item for the baby, if you think it's necessary.

Keep smiling 🙂

It's not about the money, it's just not me sitting playing silly games etc. I know it will be the same as the hen night, there were only four of us from my son's side and we were relegated to a table away from 'the main clique' much as we tried to integrate it was really uncomfortable.
Talking about gifts, I recently bought my DiL a Bola necklace which I thought was a lovely gift, it was glanced at and placed on a corner table and each time I've seen her since she hasn't worn it.

The games etc weren't really my thing either, to be honest - but I put my feelings to one side, slapped on a brave face and just went with the flow for my DiL's sake. As has been said, it's not about you, it's about her. For the sake of a few hours, I would just make the effort.

Yes they are over the top but it's good fun too - and you get to know their friends. I've been to one even though it wasn't my scene at all but I really enjoyed meeting young people and having a good natter. Go for it!

Do they really want you there or are they just being polite?

The whole thing is horrible.
Don't go.
"Sorry, I won't join you, it's not really my thing, but do hope you have a fun evening"
You can offer to make something to contribute (a trifle, fruit sticks or whatever) if you feel you must!

If you have been invited then you should go. It’s the first of many times to celebrate this new baby and you need to be on board with this from day one.
I was invited to my Dils baby shower. We had already promised money for the buggy. I made a cake and took a small bunch of flowers for DIL. A perishable gift is often wise. I didn’t enjoy myself but that wasn’t important.

silverlining48

What do people think about baby reveals… if that’s the right term. Or baby showers, personally these American imports are not for me. They seem just another excuse to get more presents/ get people to spend money. Bah humbug maybe, but these were never heard of back in my day, or my dd either.

However if invited go of course and take flowers or something small given your generosity. Oh and congratulations 🥳

Baby showers I have no problem with only that, like every formal occasion , e.g, engagements , weddings, birthdays, anniversaries , the arrangements must take into account people who can't afford much. Who wouldn't want to buy the new baby a present?😊😊
I get the superstitious objections by some ... that's just a question of personal taste.
Reveal parties I really don't get. Why , if you want to know your baby's gender at all , would you want other people to know before you do ???
My step-daughter had one of these for one of her children.
Performative, ridiculous American nonsense.

My daughters had baby showers, the first ten years ago. I felt a bit sniffy about it but it was really good fun.
Their generation like a party. I’m thankful to be included

Baby Showers, Gender Reveal parties (which seem to get increasingly competitive).........ah, doesn't the commercial sector just love the millions to be made?

On a more serious level, my late Mum profoundly believed that buying things for the baby before it had arrived safely was too much like tempting fate.

We all know many of these latter day events have floated across the pond so in that it was good to get the perspective of an American, thank you imaround, I like your comment it was insightful imo "They suck to attend but do it anyway"

My main objection to most of these new phenomena and old traditional ones such as Christmas which has become hyper commercialised and the new ones have an air of grabbiness. Baby Showers are small fry and could be arranged in a low key manner, I have no idea whether you as a guest are expected to come along with a small, soft toy, babygro, or are expected to splash out on something extravagant. I imagine that depends entirely on who is organising and their expectations. Incidentally I can well remember giving and receiving, baby gifts before the birth. This was pretty much done spontaneously and freely on a one to one basis amongst friends. As grandparents we offered and bought one of the necessary larger pieces of equipment as the OP has done and as I imagine many grandparents often do. My view is generational not everyone will share it, which is fine, I wouldn't expect anyone to. There was never a place for frivolous costly nonsense it wasn't really a thing. I'm thinking some of the bigger stuff, grandiose stag and hens, over the top weddings, particularly those abroad, even at home now, costly hotels have to be factored in, they were not part of my experience. The main focus for most of us in our youth, was establishing a home, that generally took all money and effort at the initial stages. Personally I wouldn't have wanted hard earned funds being directed into costly trips abroad for such purposes, or as many point out MN, eating into annual leave, jeopardising family holidays and making extensive difficult arrangements to have children looked after. Even the school prom can put enormous pressure on parents and try telling the average 16 year old how what they want is un -affordable they're living in the now, as we all were at that age and if everyone else is kitted out in expensive togs and once hairdos, limousine are factored in, if money is tight which for many it will be the pressure is enormous. Again none of this happened when most of us were growing up.

I think there's a massive incentive to Instagram events these days and with some, certainly not all, to place all the focus on themselves, one big day isn't enough now ,there's have to be more of "it's all about me!" days, all the renewal of vows rigmarole, what's all that about? you take your vows once and for all. Gender reveal? another party about bloody nothing, which is of no interest to anyone other than parents and grandparents.

Anyway I'm sure, like children's birthday parties a Baby Shower could be a nice low key tea party, I'd be inclined to go and as a grandparent who has already paid for something large and there will be numerous prospective contributions as the baby grows, I wouldn't feel the need to buy anything else.

Re Elless's specific query, I think it depends on her relationship with the new parents. If they're easy going and unlikely to be offended, as Elless really doesn't want to go , if I were her, I wouldn't go.
If they'll take offence however I'd definitely show up for a few hours and have a chat to everyone.
Naturally as I've already provided significant presents , I'd take only flowers for the hostess.
People are mainly concerned with their own prezzies being a success at these dos, not asking whether anyone has shown up without one.

Elless

It's not about the money, it's just not me sitting playing silly games etc. I know it will be the same as the hen night, there were only four of us from my son's side and we were relegated to a table away from 'the main clique' much as we tried to integrate it was really uncomfortable.
Talking about gifts, I recently bought my DiL a Bola necklace which I thought was a lovely gift, it was glanced at and placed on a corner table and each time I've seen her since she hasn't worn it.

Ah, this explains why you are reluctant to go. Based on what you say, I would either not go but give a plausible excuse to avoid conflict or turn up and leave early. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

I don’t like this American idea at all much prefer giving gifts in a more low key manner ( I m a misery I guess) I don’t like the reveal parties, the over the top expensive hen party or Americanised Halloween
So sorry imaround I don’t mean it disrespectfully to you I just prefer more low key sincere (boring ) giving

Thankfully none of my children were into these so I ve never been to one snd really don’t want to ever have to Hope the grandkids aren’t in to them either when their turn comes around

Different times and we have to move with them. Just been invited to one in October gender reveal though not baby shower?

If you value your relationship with your DiL you'll pin on a smile and go and join in with her friends and relations. She may not share your taste in jewellery but that's irrelevant here. This is the first of a lifetime of little parties and events for your new grandchild. Don't spoil things for yourself by not attending - you're potentially the one to miss out most if your DiL is hurt. You might be missed out from future invitations.

Some of you would be shocked that grandparent showers are now a trend

It's just a name! A party by any other name.

Hithere

Some of you would be shocked that grandparent showers are now a trend

😆
Bring it on! Can we have multiple showers, or just for the first grandchild? I want cake, flowers, champagne, no fancy gifts thanks.

I love American Halloween. the rest I can take it or leave it.

No offense taken. It isn't any different then me looking at Boxing Day and being indifferent. We all have different holidays and us Americans are an over the top people for the most part when it comes to our holidays.

I have been reading the OPs subsequent posts with more information. In this case, I think she should talk to her son about not attending. If they are unhappy with that, go for an hour, take flowers and leave.

Not a good start Elless if you want to stay included in their family. Plaster a smile on, join in as much as you can keep your thoughts well and truly hidden.

Ahh we so agree on the rest imaround just go with a smile on your face and a small token present and leave as soon as you can it didn’t happen in my time or my kids time and I don’t know anyone who has had one so I m a non starter. Although I like parties I suppose I m a bit low key I expect if Iwas brought up with them it would be different but I wasn’t so it isn’t.

Poppyred

Not a good start Elless if you want to stay included in their family. Plaster a smile on, join in as much as you can keep your thoughts well and truly hidden.

I think this is just silly.
People aren't stupid.
My daughter-in-law knows I love her.
She doesn't expect me to endure this nonsense just to be "included".