Baby Showers

Aveline

They are only as 'American' as you make them. I've been going to these nice tea parties here in UK for decades. Very pleasant occasions.

I agree. You pick and choose the good bits like happiness and anticipation, and leave out all the rubbishy stuff. A bonus is that you will also recognise the faces when the Christening comes round!

But Elless has made her decision, and that's absolutely fine. Good luck with the new grandchild and your developing role as a grandma. It's very much what you make it.

Surely our traditional tea parties are completely different to baby showers because as a rule pregnancy and baby gifts didn’t come it.just tea and cakes, sandwiches and chatter were involved. Always enjoyable but rare these days. If we want an afternoon tea we go to a restaurant or hotel, and pay a small fortune.

In my many decades I was never once invited to or heard about a ‘shower’ or tea party to celebrate someone expecting a baby.

However things change, and so must we I suppose.
Enjoy your fourth grandchild OP [ flowers]

Where are the 🌹.?

Well we are all different aren’t we.

I’ve only ever been to one baby shower which was for DD3 and her twins.

I’m not a fan of such gatherings as a rule but it was absolutely lovely and I enjoyed it very much.

The setting was so beautiful, at a hotel overlooking the sea so much that it felt like being on a boat, delicious food, lovely company and I so enjoyed meeting friends and colleagues of DD3 who I hadn’t met previously.

I didn’t take a gift as I had also already given money.

If the OP has decided not to go then that’s that. Hopefully she won’t come to regret her decision.

Aveline

I'm very disappointed for and in you Elless. I hope that you won't find yourself excluded from friends and family events over time by your DiL but suspect you might be. Your risk. Your choice. I hope also that you enjoy your 'thing' whatever that may be.

Oooo I consider my hand slapped 😂 I have a brilliant relationship with my Dil and I'm happy with my decision.
Thank you everyone for your comments.

I feel exactly the same. Don’t get it and don’t want to.

I'm probably considered old fashioned but I don't like the idea of baby showers. The baby hasn't yet made a safe arrival into the world and, for some, it might never do that. I can't imagine being surrounded by gifts for the baby if the worst happened and it never came home. A party when the baby is a couple of months old, I feel, would be better.

I would definitely go for the sake of future MIL/DIL relations. You have already contributed a lot but if you could afford a small gift for the day then I would take that too.

Avaline you seem a big fan but why knock everyone who isnt I m glad your many tea parties have suited you but there are many who aren’t into these occasions, what if the baby is still born after you ve all ‘haha d’ your way through the celebrations

Elless you ve done the right thing for you and I d have probably done the same it doesn’t mean you love them or the forthcoming baby any the less and you re sending flowers and a gift and you know your daughter in law better than we do.

I always thought these things were for young mums and their friends not grannies and great grannies ….and what about grandads ???

Just read some of all the posts from paternal grandmothers who feel left out, will you?

Your DIL has invited you. Accept the invitation graciously, and find some inexpensive thing to take with you. Never mind that you and your husband already have been generous.

Do not for heaven's sake rock the boat, which you will all too easily do, if you stay away, because you don't approve of baby showers.

I don't see any reason either why we should adopt American ideas, but, that said, a baby who is wanted is worth celebrating - so get in there and celebrate!

I had never heard of baby showers when I started having babies in the 70s. When pregnant with my second, my sister-in-law organised one for me. She is Canadian so knew all about them. I had absolutely no idea when I was invited to some other selling party, tupperware? I can't remember, it was a lovely surprise when it turned out to be a baby shower for me. I always thought they were supposed to be a surprise and I certainly wouldn't throw one for myself, it's like asking for presents.

Don't go, but if you do make it clear to them that they've already had gifts, end of.

I don't think I've ever been to a baby shower, they seem so grasping, particularly for babies after the first. I'm always happy to give a nice present though.
My daughter was invited to one where the mum-to-be's friend had produced a list of very expensive presents that she felt were "essential". She found out later that the mum knew nothing about this and was pleased that she had refused to give her anything from the list, just choosing a voucher for a nice children's clothes shop instead.
I have to confess that I'm not keen on engagement or hen parties where you're expected to spend a lot either.

Elless

It's not about the money, it's just not me sitting playing silly games etc. I know it will be the same as the hen night, there were only four of us from my son's side and we were relegated to a table away from 'the main clique' much as we tried to integrate it was really uncomfortable.
Talking about gifts, I recently bought my DiL a Bola necklace which I thought was a lovely gift, it was glanced at and placed on a corner table and each time I've seen her since she hasn't worn it.

It’s disappointing when a gift doesn’t ‘land’ isn’t it? You thought it was a lovely gift - but perhaps it was not quite her thing? I always put the receipt in an envelope when I give a personal gift like jewellery or clothing, so that people can return or exchange things that aren’t quite right.
You clearly have a good relationship with your DiL - if I were you, I would mention the necklace, and tell her that you’re happy to exchange it for something else if she would prefer? It’s a shame if both of you come away disappointed from something that should’ve been a pleasure for both of you.

Parsley3

Do go Elless but as you have already gifted you may just want to take a little treat for your DIL . Just go with the flow.

Yes, did this, a small basket that I had, with bath bombs and body lotion in, as I had already provided a cash donation

I'd wait for the Gender Reveal Party myself. (LOL)

There are so many future grandmothers denied access to a baby shower, I'd go along. Taking a small present would be a nice thing to do too, perhaps something for Mum rather than the baby as you've helped out there.

It's strange how customs change. When my 15 year older sister had her first child 1957 I can remember no one gave any gifts until the baby had arrived safely.
I had my first 71, and even then it was the same. I chose the pram I wanted but tge shop only took a small deposit hokding the pram until the baby arrived again, safely. People did knit a lot but kept the items again until all was well. Must have left a big imprint on me as I don't like baby showers.

Smileless2012

When I said I think you should go Elless I was thinking attending but not taking a gift.

Dont worry you sound like s lovely, thoghtful gran. You have already done your bit with gifts.

I would go take Smileless2012 advice.

Also congrats on your new grandchild

Does it mean if you have given a gift for the baby shower , and another at the baby gender reveal then you arent expected to give a third gift when the baby is born ? Because grandparents may have already bought expensive nursery etc items? Then a christening gift.
Just asking as it seems rather an excessive amount of gifts.

As for me in the mid 70 s fir bith my children no one gave me any gifts apart from my mum who knitted a Cardi. Except for mum.

Bought a full layette for my DDs baby. It had everything, nappies cotton wool scissors baby grows sheets blankets changing mat wipes vests mitts thermometer duck with bath temperature indicators absolutely everything apart from top clothes. Didn't buy anything more for the baby shower. Did the same for the other 2DGC

My daughter in law had a baby shower. We had already donated a sum of money to celebrate, so I took as a gift, a beautiful shawl that had been knitted by a friend for my son when he was born, and also a small carry cot quilt another friend had made for him. I also gave them a tape of a recording of my son talking excitedly to his new baby sister ( he was 2 years old at the time!). These things all went down well, and daughter in law was thrilled!