Were you raised in an ‘open’ or ‘closed’ house, and was it different from your spouse?

But it's not really something you discuss, is it?

Well his mother didn't like me as I was unworldly, shy and quiet which she saw as stuck up (I wish), uncommunicative and rude. I was terrified of her!

I came from a family of seven and my own family was six. Not many people can invite so many for a meal or overnight so we rarely saw our relatives.
I am not sociable and hate noise and crowds but my children’s friends were always welcome. When they were teenagers I never knew how many friends would have shared beds or slept on the sofa.

Daddima thank you.

Oreo

Allira

Did anyone else call their parent's various friends Auntie and Uncle?

No, I thought that was an Asian or African thing?

Yes, I did. That was in the 50s. Nowadays, it seems that they are called by their Christian names, more often than not.

Our home was an open home. I simply cannot remember a Saturday or Sunday when there weren't guests for lunch or dinner. My friends were always welcome and my Ma always made them a meal, Pa was a mariner so not at home most of the time.

My mother was very welcoming to visitors at any time, Friends could drop in at any time for coffee and she loved giving parties.. My father was more reserved but never objected to my mother's more social habits.

In the 1970s and 1980s I too had people dropping in anytime, frequently staying for a scratch meal and gave large parties and went to them too.

However, in the ¨90s that changed and I think it was not just because our generation was approaching or past 50, young people started meeting in coffee shops rather than at home.

As far as open and closed go, this to me is more a matter of attitude than sociability.

My mother had been brought up to believe that there are only two kinds of people in the world: those who are honest, hardworking and respectable and those who are not.

Anyone who fell into the first category, irrespective of religion, colour, background or job were welcome. Politically, both my parents drew the line at communists or neo-nazis - anyone else was welcome to vote as he or she chose.

Daddy happily fell in with my mother's division of the human race, although this parents had been more inclined to feel that only those who shared both their religious and political views made suitable friends.

I was brought up by my grandmother, there was just the two of us. She was acrophobia and and also suffered from what imagin was social anxiety. She didn’t go anywhere and I wasn’t allowed to have people back to the house. The only visitors we had beside the rare visitor of my parents was an occasional visit by my grandmother’s cousin and family. When I had children of my own I encouraged them to visit and stay at their friends houses and to invite them to ours. I loved having a house full of young people.

I was raised in a house where I cannot remember anyone but family visiting and that wasn’t often. We only visited family and never had adult parties or people staying over. My husband on the other had was raised in a Sicilian family so they had a lot of visitors. When we married I found it odd to have bbq on the weekends and to go to peoples houses bearing food. After 53 years I still havnt got used to it

Husband was brought up in a rough area and barely speaks of his childhood - he left home with a few quid in his pocket and went off to London very young. When he returned to the area I met him.

My own childhood was quite privileged, although I was an only child and not allowed to 'do anything' like gathering with friends, staying over, going into town, school trips, swimming and so on. Apart from my beloved grandmother, we never had visitors so VERY closed doors policy unless someone special to my parents scheduled a 'meeting'. My parents were the victims of marrying into a different religion, hence the lack of family although their very few friends were very dear to them (and me). As others have said, I called them Auntie and Uncle.

As I grew up, I broke all the rules and did everything I could which did not endear my mother, although dad used to give me a sly wink. I adored going to parties.

I brought my own kids up very differently.

Now, as the years have gone by I realise I am socially anxious and much prefer one-to-one contact. I body-swerve invites either to or from others whenever possible. Weirdly, I do enjoy social contact when it's a hobby or learning group.

I remember the coronation too , where my mum and dad had the only tv in the road. All the chairs were squeezed in to accommodate many adults and we children sat on the floor, (in our new coronation dresses of course!) tea and cake were passed down the rows as there was no possibility of standing up to choose anything. My parents played bridge and so as young children most weeks there would be at least one night where we went to sleep to the sounds of 4 no trumps Mrs Clifton, or recognised the lovely smell of one mans cigar. The only person I knew who smoked them. So I was married twice and both of my husbands happened to be only ones, but they were both social beings. My first husband played rugby for london cornish and london welsh so there were some hefty lads coming back with him at times and I usually had a casserole and jacket potatoes on the go that would wait for whoever arrived. Then living abroad again different kinds of entertaining, some from choice and friends and others for the firm at times. When I was a singer in the Gulbenkian choir in portugal there were singers and musicians in and out at all sorts of times. I have always had parties etc for my son and other children too, but now I sometimes wonder how I did things, such as making a dinner for 8 people from a bottled gas oven the size of a baby belling, if you remember them. I used to have to juggle things about and have a cold starter or cold sweet to manage to get it all cooked. Now with my bad back it seems to take me about the same effort to just make a meal for myself. Occasionally I have friends and family to a meal, but especially those who are still doing child care duties etc and having various interests, we tend to meet at a coffee shop , either by arrangement or then we tend to know what we do each day so keep a look out to see if friends are in the cafe and go in then. So we also may meet at swimming and decide to go on from there.

I forgot to say anything about my husband’s experience. He was brought up in Australia (Sydney), so his family life was much more outdoors than mine, and more people just dropping in informally. His mother was French and very sociable, fond of cooking.

It was a bit difficult sometimes, because I don’t like cooking and I’m not very sociable, preferring to see friends one at a time.

The thing I remember about family gatherings is that, with only having a small house with a reasonably sized square kitchen and just one sitting room, we had to move all the furniture around in the sitting room on Sundays, high days and whenever we had visitors for a meal.

The suite got pushed to the edges, out came the gate-legged dining table, dining chairs were brought from bedrooms etc!

I resolved that one day I would have a house with a dining room.

I was raised between my mum and my grandmother. Very different households as grandmother was appointment system but mum was open house. My home is always open house and so are my sisters homes. My DIL likes appointments as does my friend. But I still just call in to see my sons when I'm up that way. I find it strange to have to message my friend and arrange a day to visit sometimes a week in advance.

When I was home from Boarding School, I had a chaotic lifestyle punctuated by arguments and violence within a blended family. For a short time my Mum and stepdad hosted dinner parties but her lack of fidelity put pay to that. I didn't invite many people home because it was too embarrassing especially as my Mum had strident, contentious opinions.
My husband was an only child with a mother who thought he could do not wrong, was so kind and nothing was too much for her boy. His Mum and Dad led a good social life and my MIL would feed anybody who walked through the door. They were always very welcome.

No visitors to our house when I was growing up. Both Mum and Dad were only children and neither set of Grandparents had a car or a telephone and didnt live nearby. If I had friends to play they were only allowed in the garden. Mum was very anti-social to the point of mental illness. Dad on the other hand loved people, but he couldnt put Mum through the stress, she wouldnt sleep if she thought someone might visit. DH grew up in a tiny, mid terrace Council house with friends, family and neighbours constantly coming and going. I tried very hard with my own children to be welcoming to their friends and to invite my friends to visit. Always a bit stressful for me after the very isolated upbringing, although I think I would have been a sociable person if I had grown up in a different home.

In my childhood, my widowed Mother had a thing about never, ever locking doors. We just didn't, ever. Not even when the house was empty all day, or at night, or when we went away. Friends and neighbours wandered in without knocking. She was a full-time social worker and if her clients had nowhere else to go, (or sometimes, couldn't face going home to their husbands) she brought them home with her to eat or get cleaned up or sleep. However wild or grim the stranger's story was, we were never to raise an eyebrow or ask questions.She was hospitable in a totally casual way that put everyone at ease. Whatever she had, she shared.

DH is a good cook and growing and making food has always been a shared pleasure. All our kids cook . In our younger days we used to do a lot of those elegant 1970s dinner parties; throw BIG bonfire parties with wonderful food; invite all the neighbours and their kids for Sunday brunch. After the kids left home I thought we'd have a break but they came back with lots of student friends. After I "retired" I ran our house as a B and B for years.

It's a quieter life these days. Since DH 's hearing went , he finds group table chatter difficult so these days we only host family for sit down meals or to sleep over. Anybody else who drops in just gets tea and a bit of his latest cake.

Was anyone brought up in hotels?
If so how did you cop and do you now feel any benefits etc?

What an amazing lady your Mum was, Butterandjam. I would have loved to have been a visitor to your house!

I did have several birthday parties when growing up and my parents hosted a 21st party for my sister. I don't remember having many visitors.

I was an only child, but my parents had twelve siblings between them. All had open house, and , as none of us had phones, it was normal to just turn up. My maternal granny’s house was almost a meeting place. When family were together, there was often a party atmosphere, and at New Year - Hogmanay in Scotland - the celebrations went on all through January, as different family members had a bit of a party. My late DH’s family were similar. During our marriage we had many dinner parties, often followed by dancing. This tailed off as we all got older. Over the years, we hosted foreign students, and for many years, we hosted French people from our twin town. We even had their coach drivers for meals.

My parents and maternal grandparents were extremely gregarious and were always having people to stay and for meals as well as having parties. Husband's parents only had family to visit. Both he and I are the complete opposite to that. We do have our children and grandchildren to visit but never ever have parties or anyone else to visit. We used to, nut not now.

We had no parting in our house during the 1950s when I was a child ( no money) , but when my children were in primary school we lived on the same eastate as my DB and SIL , two of my DH brothers and their wives and also my parents . We were very social in and out of each others houses and my children were brought up with their cousins as best mates . We would have house parties a few times a

year either in the summer or at New Year. I’m old now and hate socialising but my DD carries on the tradition . She has parties at least twice a year and Christmas Dinner can be open house with at least 3 families together .

We had quite a lot of visitors when I was growing up and visited a quite often too - family and friends. But we never had parties as far as I remember. DH and I have always had visitors and people to stay, far fewer now we are older but still some. So I’d say we, and my parents, were fairly sociable.

My mother was very sociable and my father not so much. Visitors were pre-planned, not drop in. Relatives were at the other end of the country so would visit for one week annually. Local friends would occasionally visit for dinner or drinks. My mother's female friends would visit in the afternoon for a cup of tea. My friends could come and play by arrangement.

My husband came from a closed but we regularly entertained family and it was open house for our children. I don't entertain now except a quick visit for a cup of coffee, though happy to see unexpected visitors.

More people now meet friends at coffee shops or cafes than when we were young.