Interesting article on old age and children.

Thanks for this StripeyGran - interesting article ( although I’ve read many similar )
I think, in a nutshell, some children just couldn’t care less about their elderly parents.

There's certainly a discussion to be had, here. Women in the past were expecting to take care of their aged parents ( sometimes the youngest daughter was expected to remain unmarried to do just this!), but women are in the workforce more, and families may not live nearby.
In addition , with couples having babies later, they are still involved in active childcare much longer.
When my mother was my age, seventy three, and receiving lots of support from me,her youngest grandchild was a teenager. My youngest is two - and she's not going to be my last.

Interesting article. In my situations , I do the caring and visiting as I’m local . My siblings who aren’t local can’t be bothered as they know I’m there 3-4 times a week . My brother booked a holiday and will miss our mother’s 90th birthday. He didn’t think my mother would mind 🙄.

Chocolatelovinggran

There's certainly a discussion to be had, here. Women in the past were expecting to take care of their aged parents ( sometimes the youngest daughter was expected to remain unmarried to do just this!), but women are in the workforce more, and families may not live nearby.
In addition , with couples having babies later, they are still involved in active childcare much longer.
When my mother was my age, seventy three, and receiving lots of support from me,her youngest grandchild was a teenager. My youngest is two - and she's not going to be my last.

Chocolate

I'm really tired and I can't understand this!
Ah, got it now.

My mother died at 97, I spent 20 years looking out for her and attempted to look after her. It was complicated.

Very interesting, when my DH who is 74 was in hospital for 2 months earlier this year with a stroke and bleed on the brain he was by far the youngest on his part of the ward, in the beginning, when things looked dire, I would be by his bed until they kicked me out as would our DDs and often SiLs as well.
The staff often complained that only two would be allowed by his bed. We often sneaked in more visitors. But many of the other patients had no visitors, and often I would go to one of them if they cried out in discomfort and call for a nurse. My husband was not supposed to make it but he did against all the odds, some others on his part of the ward despite not being as ill, though they were older, passed away, I shed a tear for each of them.
The staff consistently said that we had all pulled him through which at the time I thought was just them being nice.
But who knows?

If any of our older family members were unwell or in hospital they were automatically visited. None of us even thought about we just went.

I noticed that the article was about Australia. I wonder if some of the elderly people were those who had emigrated to Australia, leaving their own parents behind, thus showing their own children that looking after or visiting parents was not something that should be considered.

Ilovecheese

I noticed that the article was about Australia. I wonder if some of the elderly people were those who had emigrated to Australia, leaving their own parents behind, thus showing their own children that looking after or visiting parents was not something that should be considered.

The author works in Victoria. She mentions that the patients she noticed with visitors are of Turkish, Greek and Vietnamese origin.

She wrote In the empty stairwell, out of earshot, a young doctor sighs, “It’s so sad to see all these lonely people with no visitors.” Another observes that this treatment of elderly people seems a particular feature of western culture, recounting that our elderly Vietnamese patient has been attended day and night by his two children and the Greek lady had so many concerned nephews and nieces that we had to beg for space.

Perhaps some of thd elderly, confused patients had no family?

UK hospitals have fairly strict visiting times and, in my experience, families do visit their elderly relatives. However, more than two visitors and you would be told to wait outside by Sister!

As for Australia, I do know the scenario of many visitors round the bed at once. Whether that is a good thing or not, I do not know, but the author seems to believe it is.

Aveline

If any of our older family members were unwell or in hospital they were automatically visited. None of us even thought about we just went.

I have sat overnight with a parent but generally, it is not allowed and when several of the family arrived the next day, we were told to go by Sister.

Aveline

If any of our older family members were unwell or in hospital they were automatically visited. None of us even thought about we just went.

I think that was achievable in the days when a patient was likely to be in a small hospital in one’s own town. Nowadays, they’re more likely to be in a huge edifice with poor parking amenities in a city miles away from where they live. I was doing hundred mile round trips last year to see my Dh. I would not have expected anyone else to be making that trip.,

When I was in hospital 3 years ago they were still in a Covid lockdown. I was able to speak to my children on the phone, and they left books and magazines for me. It was Easter so I missed all that. They finally relaxed the rules the day I was due to go home, so my daughter was able to come to the ward with clothes for me. I was very pleased to see her by that point.

When my husband was dying I spent a week sitting in his room. He was unconsious but the children took it in turns to sit with me, because that was what they wanted to do.

My brother booked a holiday and will miss our mother’s 90th birthday. He didn’t think my mother would mind 🙄

In between me organising and booking everything for Dad's 90th, including accommodation for everyone, my brother decided something more important (hobby related) had come up. The rest of his family didn't come either.
On the day of the party Dad kept saying, "I have a son. My son should be here."
His two sons-in-law were there for him.
What can you do? 🤐

I wasn't talking about long ago or small hospitals SueDonim!

When my Dad was dying from cancer the hospital, large teaching in a town, allowed me to sleep on the floor next to him for what proved to be his last night.

Obviously this does not apply to people who have no visitors, but when my father was in hospital he found having visitors tiring and really did not want my sister and I to visit for more than an hour a day. If we did not go, he would tell us to.

When he died, we knew the end was very close and my sister and I had been sitting with him for about 5 hours. We left the ward for 10 minutes to have a cup of coffee and he died in our absence. Both the nurses and us believed he wanted to die in private and just relaxed and died when we left the room.

DH also only wanted visitors for an hour at a a time when he was in hospital.

Well, if you’re on a ward, patient or visitor, there are other people to take into consideration as well.

Families around the bed tend to create quite a bit of noise and bustle, particularly if you’re in the bed next door. They talk loudly because they’re talking to each other over the relatives bed and tend to spill over into your space and bump your bed, pushing their chairs back to get comfortable and getting up and down 😱

I think two visitors are an ideal number. They don’t have to raise their voices to hear each other and they can talk to each other if you just want to shut your eyes🙂

M0nica - my dad sent me away too.
❤️

Years ago when dad was in hospital for many weeks, he didn't want me or my siblings to visit. He had lost so much weight, he was so frail, and did want to be remembered like that.
Recently a friend's elderly husband, in and out of the hospital due to post-op infection, also lost weight and looked frail. Wife visited daily despite the transport difficulties, local daughter saw him regularly. Daughter who lives far away, came to see him several times and was very, very shocked to see his frailty

Obviously this does not apply to people who have no visitors, but when my father was in hospital he found having visitors tiring and really did not want my sister and I to visit for more than an hour a day. If we did not go, he would tell us to.

This author is in Australia. You are right, M0nica because I have witnessed this in a hospital in Australia where the world and his wife trooped into the patient's room and practically took up residence there. I felt it wasn't my place to tell them to leave but in the end the Consultant pinned a notice to the door saying visitors had to ask permission first before going in.

There is a happy medium, surely?

If you want your children to look after you when you are older then treat them equally when they are kids. If you choose one as the golden princess and reject another as the black sheep (and reflect this choice in your will) then dont be surprised if the black sheep goes low/no contact. Then the golden princes can be the golden carer in return for getting all the dosh.

I don't want my children to look after me.

That's not why I had them.

That’s so nice to hear. Bless you.

My sister has been hospitalised for a few months.She is not expected to live only probably a few days. Her daughter a nurse who lives about a quarter of an our drive away told me yesterday, on her day off that she would visit her mother for an hour!!! I live 84 mile round trip away and am 84, clearly it is not "just down the road". When my late husband was in hospital in an induced coma, my eldest son took time off work to sit alternately with me from 10 a.m until 10 p.m for the whole time. Another son and his partner (both working) who had a three month old baby visited most nights on a 100 mile round trip. My youngest son and his wife visited most evenings. I am disgusted with my niece.

Selfish Son/Brother! So sorry.