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People who pretend they don't know you.

(92 Posts)
kircubbin2000 Tue 04-Nov-25 11:06:16

Do you ever cone across this?
I used to do some temporary work after I retired and there was often another retired lady who filled in regularly. Sometimes we even worked the same shift. I often see her in M and S and she always looks through me and never speaks. We never had any problems or fall out.
Another lady from a sports activity has moved here and again when I see her at the shops she blanks me.
I know we can't like everyone we know but I find it strange when there is no history of bad blood.
Just wondering why people do this . I'm not going to speak or confront them as this has now become the norm.

AGAA4 Tue 04-Nov-25 11:14:24

I know I'm not very good remembering people I don't know very well. I have had someone come up to me and say Hello J and I don't remember them.
If they are deliberately blanking you then that's just rude.

NotSpaghetti Tue 04-Nov-25 11:15:02

I don't see people if I go out without my glasses!
Maybe they wear contact lenses.. but not always?

flappergirl Tue 04-Nov-25 11:21:08

Yes, I've known it on occasion over the years. Some people (not many thankfully) are just not very social or even rude. Maybe they only bother with people they know very well or that are "relevant" to their lives. Perhaps in your case (as you are seeing these women in shops) they are in a desperate hurry and don't want to get chatting. I must admit I have very occasionally tried to avoid someone in that scenario myself!

Moth62 Tue 04-Nov-25 11:21:50

I know exactly what you mean. It’s happened to me, too. My only explanation is that we have a good memory for faces, but not everyone does. On a long cruise last year, we spoke to many people and I could always remember them and where they came from etc. I spoke to one lady who we had sat and chatted to for over an hour about ten days afterwards, but she could not recollect me at all. For some reason, people don’t remember me, but yet they will always remember my husband!

LovesBach Tue 04-Nov-25 11:22:09

My OH can't seem to recognise people if he sees them outside of their normal situation - a neighbour, for example, in a shop in the town. He always asks who it was and then can't understand why he didn't recognise them. There is a condition which no doubt has a clinical name, but is 'face blindness' - and maybe there are degrees of that. If you haven't fallen out with them perhaps there is some level of the condition .

kircubbin2000 Tue 04-Nov-25 11:22:35

That could be it. I usually remember everyone but I know some don't. My friend told me I see too much.

kircubbin2000 Tue 04-Nov-25 11:25:50

I also find this with people who were friendly with my husband. Sometimes they don't notice the wife at all unless she is with him.

Esmay Tue 04-Nov-25 11:26:19

I think that sometimes we have bland relationships with people .
There hasn't been a row or any discord-it just that a relationship that lacks any spark.
Some people can't pretend otherwise and can't be bothered to even acknowledge your existence.
I suppose that it's better than saying wow it's great to see you let's have coffee sometime.
And sometime never happens .

I was talking to an old friend yesterday and we both said that we are totally fed up with people , who actually have no interest in you , but can't resist a barrage of questions when they see you .
Just because they are curious !

A few days ago I suddenly had mid chest pain and started an asthma attack .
My inhaler didn't work .
I thought that I was going to end up in A and E .
Trying to get home - I met an old neighbour -someone I've not seen for years .
Please excuse me , I said I'm having an asthma attack
Oh what are you doing about your house ?
she persisted.
I had to walk away.
I just caught my bus and got home in time .

Don't worry if people blank you .
Just concentrate on people ,who can be bothered to pass the time of day with you ,because they like you and appreciate your company

DaisyAnneReturns Tue 04-Nov-25 11:34:38

They may not recognise you. Isn't it you who are doing the "blanking" kircubbin. You recognise them but don't speak to them.

silverlining48 Tue 04-Nov-25 11:35:23

They may not be ignoring you, I have face blindness, my two dds have it too. I have had more conversations than I care to remember when I have had absolutely no idea who the person I was speaking to was. They clearly knew me because they used my children’s and husband names. I never had the nerve to confess to not recognising them because I thought they woukd think me rude so fished around trying to get clues from our conversation.
I now tell people I meet that I may not recognise them next time and they find it interesting. It’s called propagnosia.

kircubbin2000 Tue 04-Nov-25 11:36:22

Flappergirl mentioned people being relevant. I noticed that a lot in sports club I belonged to. Unless you were a great player or came from an important family you were ignored by the elite group.My friend walked into the changing room one day and someone at the far end asked who's that? No one was the reply.

AmberGran Tue 04-Nov-25 11:36:42

There are other things too. I once ignored someone (unintentionally) when I was apparently staring straight at her.

I was in a little world of my own thinking about the best route to take to visit the shops I was going to and she was across the road from me, waving. She crossed the road and grabbed my arm and said 'Hello, how are you?' and made me jump. If she hadn't approached me I probably would never have noticed her.

I have been told by other people that I've ignored them too. I tend to focus on what I am doing most of the time and get tunnel vision.

GoodAfternoonTea Tue 04-Nov-25 12:08:05

My husband can't tell one newscaster from the other. He can only tell if they are male or female.

Bazza Tue 04-Nov-25 12:13:46

The clinical name for face blindness is prosopagnosia, I know this because I have it and it’s a huge social embarrassment, especially when I went to business parties with my husband. I know I’ve been guilty of blanking people for this very reason, something I would never do intentionally. My DH on the other hand remembers faces of someone he sat near to on a beach. I once reported disturbing a boy who was riffling through our garage, the police came and asked me what he looked like and couldn’t understand that all I could say that he was tall and blond.

StripeyGran Tue 04-Nov-25 12:16:39

I don't think it is always a health problem. Our neighbours have studiously blanked us for over 20 years. It must take a lot more effort than a quick nod!

Calendargirl Tue 04-Nov-25 12:18:37

Yes, out shopping or similar, you see someone you know, you know they have seen you, but they pretend not to.

Why? A simple ‘hello’ as you pass would suffice.

Do I ever do that, with someone I don’t really want to acknowledge?

If I’m being honest, probably yes, on occasions.

blush

M0nica Tue 04-Nov-25 12:19:38

When I m out alone, my mind is going nineteen to the dozen and my family claim that if I saw them I would blank them because my eyes may have seen but my brain failed to make the connections. I know at times I fail to greet someone I know, but it is not deliberate. My eyes may have seen them but my brain hasn't.

If people blank me I just assume they are like me and busy thinking about how to bring about world peace or what to cook for supper and the brain eye connection has been temporarily suspended.

So do not assume someone who blanks you doesn't want to speak to you. It could just be that their brain failed to see you.

Oh, and it is possible they are not wearing their glasses, or the wrong glasses.

sparkly1000 Tue 04-Nov-25 12:44:29

Shopping in the supermarket I noticed a young man over the freezer sections who I had recently nursed at our hospital for some considerable time.
He caught my eye and I smiled and nodded, for a moment he looked confused, then he called across.
“ Oh hello, I didn’t recognise you with your clothes on”.

kircubbin2000 Tue 04-Nov-25 12:51:30

My son was coming to meet us on a walk yesterday and his dad told him you'll see mum she's wearing a red hat.shock

OldFrill Tue 04-Nov-25 13:08:29

As Bazza said Prosopagnosia is a neurological condition also known as face blindness. Most people are unaware they have this. People can have different degrees of it. Mine is severe, if l unexpectedly encounter close family l don't recognise them. Having arranged to meet my son l totally blanked him until he spoke, friends and neighbours have no chance. I have developed a strategy where l go by distinguishing features but many don't have any - or change them., unusual facial features, scars etc. Not co-incidentally all my close friends throughout my life have been quite recognisable because of at least one distinguishing feature.
I can recognise most of my neighbours in the street but I won't recognise them out if that environment and will walk past them in the supermarket. I quite frequently mistaken other men for my husband, he doesn't have the "unique feature" so I always need to take note of what he's wearing so l recognise him.
Please bear in mind if people have prognopanosis they aren't being deliberately rude

Babs03 Tue 04-Nov-25 13:18:32

People I know often come up to me in the street or in the shops and startle me saying jokingly ‘not talking to me now’ or words to that effect. I just seem to switch off when out and about and don’t see people unless they jump in front of me. Have walked past my DDs on occasion. I do tend to be running things through my mind when going anywhere, thinking of things I need to get or do whilst out etc., but is never intentional. The upside is I won’t even notice people who might be blanking me.

silverlining48 Tue 04-Nov-25 13:35:01

So there are already 3 of us on this page with the same problem. Not so rare then. I have had this for as long as I can remember and have had some embarrassing moments.

Dylis Tue 04-Nov-25 13:42:36

I am terrible at remembering faces and names.
I was out walking when a car pulled up and a delighted woman poked her head out of her window. "Oh, it's so wonderful to see you, we must meet for coffee!" I still don't have a clue as to who she was.

Dontcallmelove Tue 04-Nov-25 13:43:35

There is a woman who lives in my road who does this to me every time. I will see her at events in the village and ask her how she is and she will totally blank me. I used to get quite embarrassed by it, but now I just don’t bother.