When you suddenly realise you have no one to share a memory with

I lost a dear friend (she was 58 yrs old when she died) and that left a sad gap in my life.

My oldest friend who has been beside me - and me beside her - for 50 yrs says I must not dare to pass away before she does and I say the same back to her.
Unthinkable. A lifetime of friendship which we both treasure.
Completely know where you are coming from Monica .

And it hurts, doesn't it, when you realise there is no-one left to share the memory with?

I suppose, like you Monica, we should all be thankful that we still have a good life, but all the same, it is hard being "the last person standing" of a family or group of friends.

But we pick ourselves up and soldier on, don't we?

Old friends of mine are either very unwell, or not nearby now, but we keep in touch and it's good to know they remember times when we were all younger. I'm the most nostalgic one with so many memories. One I've known since we were both 5, and so I've known her for 71 years.

Last year my cousin who was 63 died. She was more like a sister and we were a lot alike. We had years of seeing each other regularly, then times when we didn't, so on and off. I knew her from a baby as I was 11 when she was born.

When she died it knocked me sideways, I felt such deep grief and shock. We had so much family history to discuss and we both adored our Grandmother and talked about her a lot. So now I have nobody to reminisce with, share memories of our past, where we lived, who we knew etc. I've found it very upsetting. One of the downsides of getting older is all the loss we experience as the years go by. Many, many happy memories though even if they have to stay inside my head.

I became friendly with a friend's DMiL, though she now lives quite a distance away and is in her late 80s. Her family all call her Gran. I can't, it sounds silly. Then I realised how sad it was that she has no-one left to call her affectionately by her first name, as all the relatives of her generation and the friends she'd known for decades are gone.
I'm sure nurses and carers who pop into her house do, but that's not the same.
I don't look forward to that aspect of longevity

I think the loss of one's personal name is so dehumanising.

I can remember my grandmother looking at a death announcement and saying, sadly, 'He is the last person I rmemebe calling me Constance'.

She had 11 children so everyone called her 'mother', even her husband, plus, of course, she was 'grandma', and in those days (1950s/60s) you did not address another adult by their first name unless they were a close friend, so she was Mrs Smith to many people, but nobody any longer called her Constance.

I was about 14 or 15 at the time and I vowed to myself, that, I would never let that happen to me -except , of course, other times, other manners,now weveryone calls me M0nica, so it isn't a problem.

I can remember my grandmother looking at a death announcement and saying, sadly, 'He is the last person I rmemebe calling me Constance'.

Oh, M0nica, that brought tears to my eyes.

I remember my mother saying there was no-one left to call her by first name.

M0nica

I think the loss of one's personal name is so dehumanising.

I can remember my grandmother looking at a death announcement and saying, sadly, 'He is the last person I rmemebe calling me Constance'.

She had 11 children so everyone called her 'mother', even her husband, plus, of course, she was 'grandma', and in those days (1950s/60s) you did not address another adult by their first name unless they were a close friend, so she was Mrs Smith to many people, but nobody any longer called her Constance.

I was about 14 or 15 at the time and I vowed to myself, that, I would never let that happen to me -except , of course, other times, other manners,now weveryone calls me M0nica, so it isn't a problem.

I do think that now younger people call us by our first names than in previous generations.

My SIL and DIL both call me by my first name whereas I called my MIL Mum.

*Allira, nowadays everyone seems to call you by your first name. I am having a lot of work done to the house and I am M0nica to all the workmen who come through, likewise at the doctors, dentist. I am quite happy with it.

In the past those employing someone called the worker by their first name, or just their surname, while the employee called the senior person Mr/Mrs/Miss Smith, with its connotations of them and us. I prefer the modern pattern.

I think the best thing to do is to imagine that the missed one is there with you, and you 'pretend' to have a little catch-up with them.
People don't cease to exist, they live on, so it's possible that your friend might actually hear you.

It’s worse when you live alone and hear of a good friend’s passing…no-one to talk to and neatest and dearest are far away..
Condolences to you

My MiL died at 99. Very few of her friends attended her funeral. Afterwards we realised it was because most of them had died and others were probably too old.

Like you, Monica, I have often had to pill myself up when I’ve wanted to share a memory with my mum, she’s been dead for 30 years and I still forget.

"There is no one left to call me Victoria now", is a quote attributed to Queen Victoria after the death of her beloved husband, Prince Albert, in December 1861. He was only 42.

The quote expresses her profound sense of personal loss and the unique nature of their relationship. To everyone else, she was "Your Majesty" or "Mama" to her children. However Albert was one of the very few people who could address her simply by her first name, Victoria, and use the informal German address "Du" (similar to "tu" in French).

A queen regnant has no friends. She has her family and the rest are but subjects.

I miss my best friend so very much and not being able to share memories and talk about those little incidental things day by day So lucky she was in my life but she should be still here

This is something that comes to me from time to time, mostly when I hear 60's and 70's tunes on the radio.
Memories come flooding back but my pals have gone,

My sister died suddenly in April, there are so many times we shared our memories together and had a giggle. There is such a gap in my life now and no one to share these memories with. Time is a great healer I know but it makes me very sad.

Yes, I feel this way about my sister, my only sibling. She passed away 2 years ago with an aggressive brain tumour. We often used to reminisce about our childhood, grandparents etc.

I'm only 62, and already all my old pals are gone, and some were younger than I, also one has had early onset-dementia from about 42 so can no longer remember the scrapes we got into/out of, or the double dates we went on or the bad fashions we wore, all things which made up our friendship from pre- marriage/baby days- i feel so sad theres no one to remember but me.Even one friend who married late(badly) & has since moved away i can no longer share things with as we lost touch.

I totally understand how you feel. This void affects me too. I’m an only child and also without cousins. My parents died several years ago and I often think about my mum and dad and have no one to reminisce with about my childhood years which makes me very sad. My only child has an only child and I also feel very sad that they too will find themselves in the same situation along the line. Being an only child didn’t feel like an issue when I was a child as I had a very happy childhood, but the loneliness hits me in my later years. Make the most of your loved ones whilst you can.

The day after my husband died. We had shared memories that where ours. I can look at pictures and no idea when they where taken or when. As I do have blanks in my memory when my health got worse in 1988. It was things we did in our courting days .

Plus I have memories that I don't tell anyone as the only one I could tell is dead . Things that I don't want people to know what happened to me because they would think about the person differently . Can't stop protecting my children and brother.

I know exactly what you mean. When I was 10 my parents moved house and I met two girls my age who lived a few doors away, we became firm friends and had some really good times growing up together which we used to talk about a lot. I was the oldest by a few months, the youngest of us didn’t make it to 70 and my other friend died four years ago at 77 so those memories of us growing up are just mine now. My oldest friend now is my husband, we met when I was 20.

I know it’s not the same but my first husband of 21 years were together from the time I was a 14 year old school girl we grew up together and had three children, alas it came to an end and we both remarried long ago, we are friendly with each other and partners when we meet at family gatherings and I’m married to a truly wonderful husband but I miss the young silly memories of when we were teenagers, that I don’t have with my present husband.

I have felt this way since my parents died. As an only child, I have no one to remember childhood family memories.

Lesley60

I know it’s not the same but my first husband of 21 years were together from the time I was a 14 year old school girl we grew up together and had three children, alas it came to an end and we both remarried long ago, we are friendly with each other and partners when we meet at family gatherings and I’m married to a truly wonderful husband but I miss the young silly memories of when we were teenagers, that I don’t have with my present husband.

This is a funny one isn’t it Lesley60? I have seen friends really struggling when ex-partners are very ill, or die too. Shared memories go with them. I am pleased you are able to have a good relationship with your ex. That’s a credit to you both and your respective partners.

My mother lost all of her younger sisters one by one, and my father went at 61, she was really often sad that she had nobody to share earlier memories with. We moved away from her home when we were small, so she had to explain where things were before she could explain. Lots of the area has been rebuilt too, so even my early memories of that area are gone. My grandparents home that raised 6 children is still standing, but incredibly this Fulham (premium area) home stands empty and decaying.

NotSpaghetti

What a true and moving post M0nica

Thank you.
I have this feeling sometimes too.

Yes, what a lovely post MOnica