When you suddenly realise you have no one to share a memory with

Lahlah65 Thank you for your comment and understanding

Feeling this way too Op. I recently visited my oldest friend in her care home for her 80th birthday . She has Alzheimer’s and no longer recognizes anyone but it was a birthday I expected to share together after 70 years of friendship. We will take our secrets to our respective graves!
Loving the compassion and courtesy displayed on this forum compared to the increasingly aggressive input on Mumsnet - clearly a generational divide.

My Husband died 18 months ago. Now 52 years of memories can’t be shared and he isn’t here to share new experiences and make new memories!

Allira

M0nica

I think the loss of one's personal name is so dehumanising.

I can remember my grandmother looking at a death announcement and saying, sadly, 'He is the last person I rmemebe calling me Constance'.

She had 11 children so everyone called her 'mother', even her husband, plus, of course, she was 'grandma', and in those days (1950s/60s) you did not address another adult by their first name unless they were a close friend, so she was Mrs Smith to many people, but nobody any longer called her Constance.

I was about 14 or 15 at the time and I vowed to myself, that, I would never let that happen to me -except , of course, other times, other manners,now weveryone calls me M0nica, so it isn't a problem.

I do think that now younger people call us by our first names than in previous generations.

My SIL and DIL both call me by my first name whereas I called my MIL Mum.

I wasn't going to call my MiL Mum! In 1970s I called her by her first name

What a lot of sad stories. I feel for you all and share the dreadful feelings of loss now that both my sisters are gone (54 and 71 years old), my best school friend (60 yrs) my closest cousin (60yrs) and my lovely DH (69).

I still talk to their pictures but long for a reply which will never come.💔

Chardy

Allira

M0nica

I think the loss of one's personal name is so dehumanising.

I can remember my grandmother looking at a death announcement and saying, sadly, 'He is the last person I rmemebe calling me Constance'.

She had 11 children so everyone called her 'mother', even her husband, plus, of course, she was 'grandma', and in those days (1950s/60s) you did not address another adult by their first name unless they were a close friend, so she was Mrs Smith to many people, but nobody any longer called her Constance.

I was about 14 or 15 at the time and I vowed to myself, that, I would never let that happen to me -except , of course, other times, other manners,now weveryone calls me M0nica, so it isn't a problem.

I do think that now younger people call us by our first names than in previous generations.

My SIL and DIL both call me by my first name whereas I called my MIL Mum.

I wasn't going to call my MiL Mum! In 1970s I called her by her first name

Well, my MIL asked me to.

Perhaps because she didn't have daughters?
Possibly I'm in an older age group than you therefore she was from a different era than your MIL?

Certainly, my DIL and SIL call me by my first name, as do all my DC's friends.

I’m an only child, my father died when I was 26, my mother before I was 40. I never saw much of my cousins when I was growing up and am only very loosely in touch with a couple of them nowadays. So I haven’t really had anyone, other than a few old friends and my dhto share memories with for a long time now. I’ve always felt that lack of family keenly, that’s why I had so many children of my own!

I have felt that sadness MOnica it dawned on me a few times in recent years as the youngest of six siblings that memories will reside in my head alone. If there is no one else around who remembers “things” ..did it really happen? 🥲

This thread has made me realise that the only person who can share memories of long ago is my sister. All others are no longer here.

I married in 1968 and called my parents in law by their first names.

My sister has recently died my only sibling and I feel so alone. There is no one else to talk about our childhood with or older relatives who have died, its all just on me now. There was 4yrs between us but we were close and had many wonderful times together, years ago it was 21st birthday party invites then wedding ones now its funerals--- a sign of getting older. Bless us all.

The loss of a sibling is underestimated I think. They are the only person who knew that version of you.

Toetoe

Sometimes I have this thought to ring my mum and tell her some news , just for a fraction of a second , then I remember she died 27 years ago .

Yesterday I downloaded Escape to the country, as it was set on the Isle of Man. We used to go there on family holidays and my younger brother went every year on his own quite frequently. I picked up my phone to tell him and remembered he was no longer with us and hadn't been for 5 years. The realisation hit me very hard and I just burst into tears. It's just little things that you can no longer share and forgotten memories that just come bubbling to the surface. Thankfully lots of the memories are funny ones and I can share them with my family now.

StripeyGran

The loss of a sibling is underestimated I think. They are the only person who knew that version of you.

I couldn't agree more. Much is made of the grief of parents, spouses. children, but siblings get relegated to the back row.

I am one of three sisters, and when my younger sister died, I can remember saying to my surviving sister that I felt like a three leg and did not begrudge them a second of people's concerns, but my sister and I felt that we were made to feel very much as if we had seats in the back row.