Are you ENDURING OR ENJOYING

Thank you. rafichagran thank you so much. Heave alone only knows how I am still here. Well done to you too and everyone else who has 'come through'. Not easy that's for sure.

grandMattie

I endure my life these days. It seems so pointless, contributing nothing to my family or to society, other than bits to my church.
The idea of living another 20 years filled me with horror. And it’s not impossible as I enjoy extremely good health, with absolutely nothing wrong with me, no pills, nothing.

Is there not something you have always wanted to try but never have…? I’m sure most of us have at least one unfulfilled ‘desire’. Most of us will have given up on ever being able to do that one thing… and in general carry on happily with other things.
I agree with Madeline45 … but perhaps you have commitments that keeps you unhappy? An ill relative you have to deal with? Or similar ties. Whatever they are, or if you are just lonely and maybe depressed? ( if the later perhaps get some professional help?… NO shame in talking to someone, in fact all the better for it) then do think of something you’d like to do be it something simple like ? Learning to crochet? or even jumping out of an Aircraft… then DO IT! You say you are healthy… I have health issues, which so far are reasonably stable but I am lucky I became a part time bookdealer in my 30s, which morphed into a full time job, which I still do part time from home now to keep me happy. I love it, but my sons ( who live abroad and far away) were worried I didn’t get out much… so as my best friend died aged 91 with whom I used to play Scrabble, I looked forward a local Scrabble club ( not that I am anything other than a very ordinary player) and eventually discovered the local U3a ( University of the third age… NOT a University, just an organisation that runs various local groups) so I joined and have a once a month outing to the local library to play Scrabble with other similar ‘ normal’ players. Then I joined their Book Club, a Backgammon club, and an ‘eat out’ group …starts at 6 pm at various local restaurants, so we can get home early. Just had their annual Xmas dinner pre- Christmas and it was nice to sit with people I’d never met in other groups… if unwell or too busy I give a session a miss but I am finding I have FAR TOO MUCH TO DO NOW! If you don’t want another 20 years I’ll have them please… far too much life to live, even in miniature… I will never travel again but you could… YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!

fancythat

^ other than bits to my church.^

That is important!

Sounds also, like you need to watch the classic christmas film[name escapes me] where someone dies, and then he sees how he contributed to other peoples' lives.

I have no idea whether you are married or a widow, but since you still have good health, perhaps you could do some different things? Either for yourself or others?

I hope I am not coming across wrongly.

I did think, if my DH dies young, I would very much reorganise my life.
Perhaps volunteer abroad or something.

“It’s A Wonderful Life.” I love that film.

Why don’t you do some charity work?

Grandmattie I am so sorry you feel as you do and hope some of the things offered here will help you. You might want to look at a thread about gratitude - lots there which might help. Where we focus our mind and attention makes a big differeence. I wish you a happy 2026

flappergirl

I miss my DH, who died 9 years ago, terribly. There isn't a day that goes by when don't long to tell him something or have a laugh with him. We shared the same sense of humour and a very similar outlook on life. I don't miss company, I miss his company. But I still find joy in living, if only to see the trees through my kitchen window or listening to bird song. I'm not conventionally religious, but the world is truly miraculous.

I feel very similar in a lot of ways except that I find little joy in life anymore. I wake up most mornings and think another day to get through without my dearly loved husband and I go bed at night wishing he could be by my side again after almost 52 years of marriage. On the days when things are a little brighter I start to feel guilty that I'm getting pleasure when he isn't able to anymore. Such is life.

Nobody has a perfect life but counting one's blessings is always worth it. You say you have good health - have you thought of volunteering? You always get more out of that than you put in, you make a difference and that in itself will make you feel better about yourself and you will meet lovely people and probably make some good friends. Do hope that 2026 turns into a positive year for you.
.

You have all been very kind.
For the record, I’m not depressed, I’m not unhappy, I just find being alive a bind.
I make a point of going out and meeting people every day and have met some nice ones, my neighbours in the sheltered accommodation are mostly pleasant - we look out for each other. I’m on various committees, and church organisations. My life is fine, just not especially enjoyable.
2026 will be wonderful, I have decided to put the last 5 horrible years behind me. Wish me luck! 🙏🤩

I am so sorry. Life can be pretty hard at times.

Grandmattie I think you do not need luck - you are making your own luck by looking for what you can do now to change your mindset and have a happy year ahead. I wish you well!

fancythat: Sounds also, like you need to watch the classic christmas film[name escapes me] where someone dies, and then he sees how he contributed to other peoples' lives.

The film you mean is It's A Wonderful Life. We performed the stage version at my amdram theatre before Christmas and had three full houses in the week long run. Some audience members were moved to tears -it's a beautiful story and the film has been screened over Christmas.

grandMattie

You have all been very kind.
For the record, I’m not depressed, I’m not unhappy, I just find being alive a bind.
I make a point of going out and meeting people every day and have met some nice ones, my neighbours in the sheltered accommodation are mostly pleasant - we look out for each other. I’m on various committees, and church organisations. My life is fine, just not especially enjoyable.
2026 will be wonderful, I have decided to put the last 5 horrible years behind me. Wish me luck! 🙏🤩

Good luck, grandMattie.
Our lives have been so similar over the last five years:
The loss of an adult child followed by the loss of a DH, necessitating a house move of quite some distance to be nearer to our daughters.
Starting all over again is daunting and exhausting.
Like you I have made new friends and am involved in a variety of activities. I also have plenty of home based hobbies. My garden is my passion.
I think my life is now enjoyable rather than an endurance test but I wouldn’t have said that in the early days when even going to the supermarket was a challenge.
When you are cheerful and make friends easily, folk have no idea how much you may be floundering because you never show it.
I’m resigned to swinging between enjoying and enduring and it’s not so bad really and far better than the alternative.
Onwards and Upwards (I hope!)

Within the last 12 months, I have twice endured incapacitating bouts of illness, during which I could do little without help (problems with mobility then a sodium deficiency, both of which put me in hospital) Both times, I thought that I would never regain full health but I am thankful to have turned a corner in many respects and am now a lot better than I ever expected to be at those times.

It has made me aware of how fragile my health is so I am conscientious about taking my prescription medications, numbering about 10(!), including HRT patches and cream plus eyedrops to control glaucoma.

My family all live afar off but I'm blessed with kind friends locally and neighbours who were a great support to me when needed, visiting in hospital, offering lifts, cooking meals and doing laundry.

I still drive for which I'm grateful as I thought I might have to surrender my licence at one point due to being wrongly advised at the hospital opthalmology department.

Just today in Lidl, I remarked to DH that a year ago, he would complete the shopping while I waited in the car. I certainly have reason to count my blessings.

Thinking of all of you who are going through your own struggles currently and hoping that 2026 will bring you easier times.

grandMattie

I endure my life these days. It seems so pointless, contributing nothing to my family or to society, other than bits to my church.
The idea of living another 20 years filled me with horror. And it’s not impossible as I enjoy extremely good health, with absolutely nothing wrong with me, no pills, nothing.

I've been feeling this way since my husband died. I've become intolerant of the children who are running the planet and killing others in the process of making themselves feel powerful.

grandMattie

I endure my life these days. It seems so pointless, contributing nothing to my family or to society, other than bits to my church.
The idea of living another 20 years filled me with horror. And it’s not impossible as I enjoy extremely good health, with absolutely nothing wrong with me, no pills, nothing.

Wishing you all the best in 2026. Madeleine 45 has good ideas and a meet up with her as she suggests...how kind of her ...sounds like something that would be a tonic and new for 2026. Reach out and go for it....sending positive vibes to you for better times x

Well said Nickname. You are fortunate to have your health Grandmattie. Life is not always easy but please embrace it as is said here and your good health , which enables you to do lots of things others can't. My best wishes to you and hope you take up the offered meet ups

madeleine45 what a lovely message you've sent! 💖

Both, in equal measures.

Appreciating the good times and telling myself so many more are worse off when it’s not so good!

Carbonated

madeleine45 what a lovely message you've sent! 💖

Agree.. it's lovely and with such friendship

I’m late to the thread but what a loving and brave community GN is. 85 here and with the usual ups and downs and random health things - widow of 17 years, 2 replaced hips and a third in the offing - but determined to enjoy life. Ninety sounds alarming. Not knowing what the future holds medically is alarming. Wonderful kind warriors on here. Hugs to all.

👍☘️❤️