Going with a friend

I once had a manfriend who said I was neither an introvert or an extrovert. There should be a name for it

It is good to have the choice of going alone or with others! I like travelling alone especially long haul, despite having an OH! You meet lots of people or just read a book quietly! I have joined many groups on my own and now have some good friends to share theatre/cinema trips with! I would happily go to anything alone! The alternative is to miss out and I don’t want that to happen !!

I often go to the cinema or up to London on my own although I only go to London to meet friends and never in the evenings. I actually prefer going to the cinema on my own. Since DH was told he was extremely vulnerable during Covid he has become a hermit and very anti social. I always travel by public transport except on the rare occasions when DH drives.

I make one trip yearly with a lady friend or by myself .. I love the Spanish Cultural Circuits via coach and find them all very very rewarding.

Sometimes, my hubs cannot go and the gals ( my twin daughters ) cannot go .. So, I am very very self entertaining and enjoy my hobbies and photo journalism ..

Finding this thread very consoling - I too like 'own' time and am too distractable to enjoy having passenger - particularly a chatty one! But I thought I was odd - now I see I'm not.

Jodieb

I once had a manfriend who said I was neither an introvert or an extrovert. There should be a name for it

The idea that an introvert is "quiet or withdrawn” is an old fashioned stereotype.

Some extroverts are quiet; some introverts won’t shut up when the topic or people feel right (that would be me; I have some wonderful long-suffering friends!). Introverts can be socially confident; extroverts may not be.

What defines an introvert is how they recharge. Introversion is not about about shyness, social skills, or confidence. Introverts recharge by spending time alone or in low-stimulation environments. Hence a drive on your own, to and from an event, works for them. Extroverts recharge by being around people and external stimulation - and can be annoyingly keen for others, who know what best in their case, to join them.

yes JodieB I have read something along those lines, some time ago.

sandelf I find this thread very encouraging, cos since my dh died 6 years ago I seem to have lost my way and got too dependent upon some friends, I need to get back to my own company some more..

thanks everyone

Gingster I know that feeling so well of sticking out like a sore thumb. When I moved house and knew nobody I joined the gardening club. After a year nobody had ever spoken to me and I left.
All you people with lots of friends, please notice if someone is always alone and try to include them.

How close does she live, RosiesMawAgain? I think you need to stand your ground from the start - but with white lies!
People like your friend make assumptions and then can act hurt if disabused…

I am definitely an introvert but keen not to make myself feel lonely… tricky…:-)

I dont much like sharing lifts and indeed I left a walking group because they insisted we all car share to save the planet. I get nervous driving with a car full. However I did share lifts with one friend who signed up to the same evening class as me. At first I didnt like it, but as time went on I started to enjoy chatting about the class with her during the drive. I surprised myself. So who knows you might end up liking it. I am very happy to go places on my own like the cinema and theatre. Not so happy to eat on my own unless its casual style like Itsu or Wasabi. I have been going on holiday solo for ten years, but I join a group holiday. I think its better being solo in the group, you can talk to everyone else and are not tied to sharing coach seats for example with one particular person. I think I am reasonably sociable, but also very independent.

I find the main problem with having someone else in my car is that I have to talk to them. I much prefer to just listen to the radio and not have to do the 'small talk' thing.

I do lots on my own, lots with my friends and lots with my husband - really depends what I am doing, but I do need 'me alone' time and definitely don't just have company for companies sake.
Just tell your friend you are best driving alone as you can't commit to a regular time slot as you often do things before or after that could make arrangements for lift sharing difficult.
Anyway - you are definitely not on your own, in wanting to be on your own (if you get my meaning). I do know of one person who will do nothing on her own, so she does very little indeed.

Oh No .. I prefer going to events on my own, and never go on a shopping trip with anyone as they want to look at differing thing to me ...

watermeadow

Gingster I know that feeling so well of sticking out like a sore thumb. When I moved house and knew nobody I joined the gardening club. After a year nobody had ever spoken to me and I left.
All you people with lots of friends, please notice if someone is always alone and try to include them.

Watermeadow
You say that nobody spoke to you, did you speak to them.
Conversation is like a road, it runs both ways.

Had a break with my neighbour/friend to Malvern. Only 1 night but that was enough to prove to me that we have very little in common and whereas I want to look at flowers/gardens she want to shop. And she tends to talk constantly. Oh dear I sound a right old grump!

Rosiesmawagain
, we would take it in turns, one driving, and the other paying the parking
Obviously if either of us was without a car one week the other would help out!
It’s just that feeling of being “tied” to sit, chat at the tea break etc when I’m more of a free spirit!

I know exactly what you mean Rosie. I used to go to an evening group with a friend who expected me to sit with her during the intervals. Got fed up of it as it ended up not being the social event I'd wanted and had already met some interesting people there before she joined. One exasperating evening of being her social crutch I fetched her a drink and said I was going to speak to so and so and left her there. I know that sounds awful. I did this every week after making sure I'd spent a while with her in the interval. I did feel guilty though but it was my evening as much as hers. She eventually got the message and it was nice to see her plucking up the courage to mix with others in the group.

Got it in one!

Just be honest it goes a long way. Best not to get caught out telling fibs as you will feel bad. Just be honest. Something I’ve learned to do as I’ve got older.

I tend to like going to events on my own because then I can leave when I want and not have to wait around until someone else is ready. I am happy to tell friends about groups I belong to, but try to avoid saying "Why not come with me?" in case it turns in to a permanent thing. I enjoy coach trips out, but like to spend some of the time on my own. On a recent trip to a museum a lady attached herself to me and suggested we walked round together. I knew she wasn't interested in any of the things I had come to see but luckily she saw the museum restaurant and said perhaps she would have a meal, to save cooking when she got home. I told her it was a great idea and she could have a nice sit down at the same time. Off she went and I got back to all the stuff she would have found terminally boring.

Juicylucy

Just be honest it goes a long way. Best not to get caught out telling fibs as you will feel bad. Just be honest. Something I’ve learned to do as I’ve got older.

I am and try not to be less than honest - mostly because I’d be found out.
Frankly I think I have to just accept somethings, I’m sure I am capable of annoying my friends without realising only they are too kind to comment!