Die Quietly and Don’t Cause Much Bother

I really don't want my daughters to struggle finding time for sorting my stuff and space for storing it. They have busy lives and nowhere to keep things, so my things will have to be kept to a minimum. I'm trying to offload as much as possible now so they don't have to deal with everything at once.

Homes of today are very different from what they used to be and they have their own lives and possessions. The only things worth passing on are precious family heirlooms, photos, letters, things that have meaning. Not ornaments.

My children are welcome to anything they want, but I won't care (partly on account of being dead) if they dispose of anything they don't want. Why would I? We have things that we have bought over the years because we liked them - we can't expect others to do likewise. I don't want my mum's furniture or 'stuff', any more than my children will want mine. They are starting to take things like cookware now, as I don't do as much cooking for larger numbers as I used to and they do. I dare say other things will follow, but the bottom line is that lifestyles change, and with them the desirability of different items. My mother keeps asking my sister and me if we want her Hostess Trolley. We don't . I don't think Mum can understand why not, as she was so proud of it back in 1975 or whenever she got it. We don't want to keep food warm for hours these days - we can reheat in no time in a microwave, and we don't want to have to find space for a wooden trolley in the 99% of time that we won't be using it (which is why Mum wants rid of it herself).

I don't think my 'stuff' is unfashionable, as it isn't - amongst my friends, who are largely around my age. Younger people would see things differently, I'm sure, though . In my head I'm about 35, but time has moved on since then, unfortunately.

I do declutter every so often. Not necessarily to save the children from doing so, but to make life easier for us. I did a big one a couple of years ago, and plan to do it again soon ☹️. It's not enjoyable, but it feels good afterwards, and doing it regularly means that when we are too old to be bothered there will be less to do.

I think paperweight are collectable, Utbb.

The ladies I was given were gifts, I'm not keen but don't like to get rid of them.

I do declutter every so often. Not necessarily to save the children from doing so, but to make life easier for us. I did a big one a couple of years ago, and plan to do it again soon ☹️. It's not enjoyable, but it feels good afterwards, and doing it regularly means that when we are too old to be bothered there will be less to do.
I did one last year but stuff ended up back in the attic, packed u, because DC said they might want it 'one day'.

Indeed, Allira. I'm sure that I am not the only one with a small collection of silver pieces - christening and eighteenth birthday gifts, belonging to offspring, which they would like kept, but lack enthusiasm for the cleaning of ...mum, of course just loves to clean silver.

There is far too much “stuff” in this house, and much of it with a story to tell if anyone wanted to hear it. I have a periodic clear out but know that the DC will have to deal with a lot which will have no value in today’s market, even the silver which I still lovingly clean occasionally. I have decided I can’t be responsible for what may happen apart from sticking labels on one or two pictures which I would like particular people to have. Doubt whether the contents of this house would fetch much!

But if DC might want it one day, perhaps they should be the ones storing it, until they decide for certain whether or not that is the case. 🤷‍♀️

I think of a friend, still storing her DD’s uni books and other paraphernalia. The DD has her own home now, but Mum is still the one cluttered up with her ‘stuff’.

Younger people tend to live in smaller houses and don't have the room for formal dining tables and chairs or display cabinets full of china. Yes I agree enjoy what you have, keep anything of sentimental value, dispose of what you no longer want or need. It can be a nightmare clearing an elderly persons house of so much stuff they have accumulated over the years.

I only kept useful stuff from my mum ther - tray, bread knife, some tumblers, a few paintings. A widower friend is downsizing and even he doesn’t want all the paraphernalia his wife collected. I am in the process of disposing of books I know no one will want. I’ve had to clear three properties for family members and couldn’t possibly have given home to all their belongings.

Calendargirl

But if DC might want it one day, perhaps they should be the ones storing it, until they decide for certain whether or not that is the case. 🤷‍♀️

I think of a friend, still storing her DD’s uni books and other paraphernalia. The DD has her own home now, but Mum is still the one cluttered up with her ‘stuff’.

Where do you suggest please, Calendargirl

When I cleared my mums bungalow, the British Heart Foundation came and collected all the furniture. They were the only charity I could find at the time who would collect in a van. They also took loads of books.

I had a lovely older neighbour who often joked about her cabinet filled with nick knacks.
She would often say you’ll know when I’m dead, you’ll see that lot in a charity shop 😂

FranA Oh kids, what are they like! 🙄 my daughter says ‘tongue in cheek’ ‘can I run any purchase I make (I’m 70 & in decent enough health) past her as SHE may not like it! 🤣🤣

Yes, I can relate to this. We downsized 3 years ago and had to get rid of some antique furniture inherited from my husband's grandparents. I had hoped DD would take some as she has a large Victorian house, but no, only likes modern and light wood furniture. I accepted that. I haven't addressed question of my silver and China yet!

If you're in the UK, there's an app called Trash Nothing, you put up photo and description and people who want your unwanted stuff come to collect it. It saves charity shops being overwhelmed and prevents stuff going into landfill. You'd be surprised what people like.

I've had a look round at my furniture. Nearly all of it is fire proof and modern and would go to Oxfam. Always been like this. I have no desire for fine china or silver or similar.

Just never been that way, and neither was my Mum. Her mum hadn't enough money to own that kind of thing tho might have liked to, I reckon there was a rebellion there.

She was a hoarder of sorts, but it wasn't valuable Stuff. It was "it might come in use one day" and a quantity of books that had been in the house for ever, never read anymore.

I don't personally want to have to look after Stuff. It takes time away from things I am more interested in.

But got some bits and bobs I am happy with - Great Uncle J's picture (he was a known artist), and somehow a 1776 copy of Voltaire's translated visit to the UK and his comments and reflections on.

Now that wows me so maybe if I had a collection of books of that age.........

I must think of which offspring might really like it. My mum was stuck in France for the duration of WW2 as she went over to be an au pair girl and got stuck there all the war and somehow in 1941 got given it as a gift.

Oh, and Great Aunt S's 1930's sampler for her embroidery examinations. Now she was interesting..she lived with her husband and a lover, long term, in the 1930's!

Calendargirl

But if DC might want it one day, perhaps they should be the ones storing it, until they decide for certain whether or not that is the case. 🤷‍♀️

I think of a friend, still storing her DD’s uni books and other paraphernalia. The DD has her own home now, but Mum is still the one cluttered up with her ‘stuff’.

I have told mine, in no undertain terms, that once they have their own mortgaged, as opposed to rented, home, they are getting their own stuff that is still in my house.
And yes, they will have to board part of their loft, if appropiate.

FranA, I'm not sure if you are poorly, or just getting on in years and thinking ahead to the inevitable as we all must.
I hope you are not poorly, but my best wishes in either case.
If this sort of thing was said in jest, ignore it, but if said insensitivity, start hoarding!

No, seriously, anyone left anything is lucky. It's not a right.
If it's not to their taste, they can get an auction house to clear the things.
Your post makes me feel sad. What a materialistic lot. Of course, they may be hiding their sadness at the thought of you not being there using humour / nonchalance; only you can know if that is the case from their usual behaviour.
Otherwise, have you got a favourite dog or cat or animal rescue? Seriously. xx

We have kept our furniture for 20+ years because it was of good quality and we are not the sort that changes their sofas every few years .
Fast forward and we downsized to a bungalow but still kept the furniture .
We are now at the point where we have decorated and future proofed the place and will now be spending money on wardrobes, beds , sofas , bookcases new t.v. lighting , carpets the lot . Basically chuck it all out and start again .
So spending quite a few ££££s on us . Yes it might seem an extravagant thing to do , but you can't take it with you !

I keep a box in my cloakroom into which I deposit items I've noticed around my house but that are neither needed nor wanted by me. When the box is full, usually after a month, I bag the items up and take them to the local Hospice charity shop. I encourage my grandchildren to check the box in case there's something they'd like. I've relocated in the last ten years so did a big clear out prior to putting my house up for sale, then did another clear out before I moved, then a third when I was in my new home and opening the boxes of belongings I couldn't live without but now could! My books got pruned down by hundreds and hundreds and now I just have about 400 classics, prize winners and books I may want to read again. But, I have a much loved Kindle and mainly read using technology! I'll keep up my stealth approach to pruning.

I'm a great procrastinator, I bought the Swedish death clearance book probably 12 mths ago and still haven't even read it. I have so much stuff and really don't want it to be a dreadful task for my DS when I'm finally gone. He'll have enough to do with probate/inheritance tax/ financial stuff but despite spending hours trying to decide where to start what to get rid of etc I still haven't started let alone done POA. I still haven't disposed of the last of my late DH's clothes over 3 yrs since he passed away. Thought at one point I'd do a little every week but then always found a way not to do it or got too engrossed looking through things I was thinking of disposing of.

I bought the Swedish death clearance book probably 12 mths ago and still haven't even read it
Brilliant!! 😁

Sorry to read your sad post but after my mother passed away there was nothing I really wanted.
I wouldn't want my children to feel obliged to keep my things so have told them to just dispose of it. I also keep decluttering things that I no longer use to save them the job.

I’m terminally unwell and I started removing items when I was diagnosed and I feel better (weirdly ) for it. Like I have some say in the matter. My two adult grandaughters have asked I appoint them as being in charge of my stuff because they’re familiar with it, more so than their parents. Meanwhile I am still pruning, like gardening and not seeing it as decluttering because it’s not clutter it’s my lovely stuff.

Allira

^I bought the Swedish death clearance book probably 12 mths ago and still haven't even read it^
Brilliant!! 😁

Throw it out! 😁