Why do I feel so guilty?

Thank you all, I had Saturday and Sunday recuperating, I am now nearly better..
I’m cracking on in the kitchen and once I have changed our bed it’s feet up again!

I also feel bad if I've not 'Achieved' enough during the day, like I've not earned the right to rest. It's completly stupid, we should be kinder to ourselves, doing nothing can sometimes be as important as doing something, both for physical and mental health.

I am 75 today and got made redundant 10 years ago and haven't worked since. I don't really go out much and I must admit most of the time I'm bored stiff. I used to read quite a lot and read on the train or the bus, but I can't seem to concentrate now. I get to the bottom of the page and then I haven't taken it in and have to read it again, so I don't tend to read books very often. I do word puzzles on my phone a lot of the time. I spend most of my time watching TV, which I love, but it's too much of a good thing, but if I could go out more with people I would. I don't feel guilty, I'm just bored. I'm retired, so I don't have to do anything apart from household chores. I also enjoy gardening. Weather permitting of course, which has been horrendous here for weeks! I just feel fed up that I don't go out more. Lots of other people go out a lot more with friends, and have more friends, but I've only lived here for two years. I feel depressed a lot of the time. Anyway, there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty, even if you are not unwell! Enjoy relaxing and reading and watching television and whatever you want to do.

Its so sad that people cannot sit and do nothing as they get older and literally have done everything that they need to. I'm nearly 74 and never in my life have a ever felt guilty to sit and read or knit or even watch TV. Anytime of the day or night. In fact its part of what I love about living on my own. I don't care. If I have something to do and don't want to do it I don't, it will get done eventually. As long as its not inconveniencing anyone else I really don't mind. I really do feel for those that have to be doing something but I am so glad I don't feel that way. I have been known to spend all day Saturday and Sunday in Winter just watching TV or reading.

Well Peaseblossom why don’t you go out more if you’re bored?
Look around your local area, is there a U3A, a WI, volunteering opportunities in a charity shop or school?
No one will come knocking on your door so you need to get out there presuming that you are able.
I find I feel guilty sitting if I’ve not achieved something first but it’s ok if I’ve had a busy couple of days and need to recharge my batteries! Silly really cause I’ve got no one to answer to!

Your home? Your life, you’re tîme! Do not feel guilty! Today I’ve watched This morning and then Matt Alleright and as I’m typing Vanessa! I’ve no reason to go out!
My flat is clean
No washing to be done
It is my time now! I do as I please and ‘nothing’ can be good for you sometimes!
Do not feel guilty ! Your time, do as you please

Sago you shouldn't have to suffer from the outdated notions your parents instilled in you. You could phone your GP surgery and ask for a telephone appointment. If you are asked by reception what your problem is, you can explain that it's a distressing mental health problem or, as our practice recorded message says, you can tell them you'd rather not say. When you speak to a GP tell them about the guilt you feel that prevents you from ever sitting down and relaxing. It can't be good for your physical wellbeing, let alone the psychological toll. You can ask to be prescribed talking therapy e.g. CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) clinical hypnosis, psychotherapy etc. especially if you'd rather not be prescribed medication. You deserve help to change the behaviour patterns that were ingrained in you as a child rather than dulling all sensation through mind altering drugs!
Will you do it?

sago, Do you think you would be any different if you lived alone ?Therefore no one to witness you 'Sitting about' or whatever ?

Well glad just not me then! Although not punished I was brought up to be always doing something and as a Girl Guide one of the mottos was "A girl guide makes good use of her time" and all this has stuck with me.

You can bet your bottom dollar after really busy day and working hard on the garden or cleaning etc I sit down for a minute and someone comes up the path and as my front lounge window looks right into my lounge I feel a real lazy madam! Must get some blinds!

Daft really to feel this way but my house and nothing to do with anyone else.

Get well soon Sago.

It's definitely not rude to close your own curtains, or do anything in your own home..
You need to change your mindset, not resting isn't a good thing in fact it's the opposite.

Since I retired I'm very much of the opinion that I really don't care what anyone thinks of me. I always think they will need me before I need them.
I never used to be like this. I spent years keeping the house immaculate, working up to 60 hours a week, doing all the cooking cleaning shopping etc and often hosting foreign students. Result was 6 months off work with burnout. So now I just relax, play games on my phone, and keep up with housework when I feel inclined. So much better for my mental health.
Relax, enjoy your book OP you don't owe the neighbours anything.

Doesn’t matter if you’re ill or not. You stay put and relax any day of the week I’m sure your neighbour is not looking or judging you and if he is that’s his problem not yours, relax and enjoy your book x

I’ve just sat down after a day spent doing keep fit in the morning, followed by the supermarket shop, home to make soup, and then a spring clean of the kitchen and sitting room. I have just sat down and picked up my ipad only to have my cocker spaniel climb on me, push the ipad away with her paw, and push her face into mine! I would add that DH has already taken her on a long walk plus she’s been “ helping” with the spring cleaning. We love her dearly though and wouldn’t be without her. She’s curled up now next to me😊

According to some old novels I’ve read (set 1800s to 1950s) it was considered morally reprehensible - not to mention probably one of the Seven Deadly Sins - Sloth!😱- to read a novel in the morning, when one should be busy with Household Tasks, or at least making sure the servants weren’t slacking.

I also feel guilty for sitting around doing nothing but I am trying to overcome it.

Mine also stems from my mother. She worked full time and spent a lot of time cleaning at home. She also knitted and sewed. Did quite a bit of painting (DIY) and gardening.

Neither of my parents were readers. However, when I was young, my grandparents looked after me whilst my parents were at work. They were in their 60's. My grandma used to take me into town and buy me a new book every week, which encouraged a love of reading.

However, even now, the only time I like to read is in the bath or in bed at night - when it quiet and with no interruptions.

I do read the newspaper on a Saturday morning. My DH would regularly stick his head around the door and give me a look as it to say, 'Shouldn't you be doing something' more productive'. Meanwhile he would be watching sport on TV and doing sod all! I have now learned to ignore his disapproving looks.

I suffer from the very same malaise , totally unable to sit and relax, even for a few minutes especially during the day.
There is always, always, always something that must be done. If that something isn't cleaning , laun, gardening etc then I will create something for me to do in the form of many hobbies.
At the moment I fill every down second dressmaking.
I just cannot relax.
I wasn't ever punished for sitting and not working as a child but my perfectionist nature combined with being the eldest of three with a chronically ill mother has taught me that to sit and relax is not acceptable.
I'm 70 and still feel I must always be doing and achieving.
I was once told to remember I am a human being not a human doing.

Thank goodness I didn't have a mother like Sago had!

Reframe your thinking. You are busy, busy repairing your body. When we are unwell or injured, recovering from operations etc. our bodies work really hard to get us well again. A lot of energy is used to do this vital work. Give your body all the help it needs. Rest and take care of yourself. That's your work for today.

Sago

I was brought up to believe sitting down and relaxing during the day was a sin.

I used to have to find somewhere to hide and read a book if I was caught I would get a good beating.

At the age of 62, I still find it difficult unless it’s a Sunday.

I am currently suffering with a nasty virus so this morning I lit the wood burner and put on James Martins Saturday Morning Kitchen.
I haven’t watched it since Covid!

Then the neighbour comes along with his bloody ladder to start chopping bits off his hedge, he can see directly into our living room and I can’t cope with being seen sitting doing nothing!

I can’t draw the curtains as it will appear rude.

Please tell me to stay put before I go and find a job to do!

That sounds like child abuse.

I too was brought up to believe sitting down and relaxing in the day was wrong. I have never done it and I retired when I got my state pension ten years ago. If I wanted to read as a child I would climb the tallest oak tree in the garden and perch in the branches. My punishment for being naughty was to be sent to my room with all the (many) brass objects in the house and told to clean them until they shone. Even now I never look at the TV before about 8pm in the evening and only read a book for an hour before lights out.

I too can struggle relaxing.
My dad died when I was 9 so mum had to go out to work and my bro and I would come in from school and have to start cooking the evening meal.
Then on Saturdays we had to get up early to help clean the house.
So i think my busyness must stem from the past .
But unlike you , in my early childhood it was my mum who was the reader and often I was left to play on my own.
I do hope you feel better soon and im finally learning to relax more as ive a health condition which limits me.
God Bless 💐

SunnySusie, you have my sympathies. Cleaning all that brass sounds an awful punishment. 💐

It would be child abuse now, not in 1973.

Sago

It would be child abuse now, not in 1973.

Being beaten for reading a book - no wonder it has had an impact. Maybe now you have had some toasty days whilst not well maybe you could start buildingbin some relaxation time each day? We all deserve some quiet time 💐

Yippee!!. All afternoon doing nothing but watching horseracing from Cheltenham. I do not feel guilty. My late husband and I always had a date doing this for Cheltenham. We never get on horses but did pick one each for a race. Good job we didn't gamble!!