Mothering Sunday

To me this is a very interesting thread. I have always disliked Mother’s Day because my mother died when I was 6. Now I’m so very fortunate to be a mother, stepmother and grandmother but have to put on act to get through the day. I’m always touched by the cards and gifts I receive but glad when the day is over. My grandmother looked after me after my mother died and I used to buy flowers and a card for her just so I could do the same as all my friends.
I can’t have the wonderful memories that some of you have but equally I don’t have the traumatic memories that others have.

I would love to have had a mum who brushed my hair and showed ne how to ðo 'girl' things and grow up feeling protected and deeply loved.

When I was five I had long bunches I was very proud of. I can remember watching the shadow of them lifting and falling when I played on the swing in the garden.

My Mum cut them off when she was expecting my sister.
She didn't think my Grandma would be able to cope with them while Mum was in hospital ☹️
I never had long hair again.

I'm not in contact with my mom anymore but I do think about this kind of thing around mother's day. When I was a kid I thought we had a great relationship. Looking back, it was super disfuncional. I understand how she got to be the way that she is (childhood abuse) but I can't be around her anymore.

It's hard to put myself in her shoes because I'm dealing with my trauma head on and she has never acknowledged hers. She's always have the emotional maturity of a young child and I almost ended up the same.

There's no love for her left in me and that's sad.

My Mum was, and is, lovely so am very sad for all on here who never had a loving Mother in their lives.💐

My mother did her best under very difficult circumstances. She had 7 children, one died aged 9 months. My father was a violent, abusive, feckless drunk.

My mother somehow managed to clothe and feed us. When us 4 sisters passed the 11 plus, she made sure we had the correct uniforms despite my father only working when he felt like it and sometimes giving her no housekeeping whilst still expecting food on the table. He regularly beat her up.

We had no affection, holidays or days out. Not one. She did her best but I struggle to forgive the neglect, the consequences of which I've had to live with.

Kate1949 it's families like yours that make me glad we have a supportive welfare state these days.
Your poor mum probably had no option but to stay...

I agree V3ra. Her family were in Southern Ireland. She had nowhere to go. When they came to visit my parents put on a happy family show.

The Mothering Sunday service at church this year made special mention of all for whom the day is a difficult one: those who have lost their mothers, mothers who have lost a child, those who are estranged or have difficult relationships, those who have been unable to have children or whose children are hard to care for, as well as all those who fulfil the role of mothers to children. It was extremely thoughtful and caring.

This could be my story. But fortunately she earned my forgiveness when she turned out to be the best grandmother you could wish to have.

My late DM had a truly awful childhood with a truly awful wicked stepmother. Somehow, she managed to be a pretty good mother to me and two of my sisters, but neglected the youngest, not materially but in terms of time. I think that pregnancy was the last chance for a boy and I know my youngest sister still feels unwanted.

I really loved my mum but wish she'd stood up for me when I was bring caned at school.

Those who had a good relationship with their mother are very lucky. I was an only child, but by mother was unsupportive and always hypercritical.
She loved my eldest son, but treated his two younger brothers with contempt- she always wanted a granddaughter.
I just hope that I learned from her mistakes.

So many of these posts make me so sad. I loved my late mother dearly, and just thinking about her makes me tearful. She passed away 23 years ago.

I could have written your post Etoile. I’m so sad for all of you who never knew the pure love of a mother to her child. My late mother was, in my eyes, the perfect mother, the one all my friends wished they had. This was in spite of an early divorce with no help or financial assistance from my father, she was always cheerful even though her life was tough. She died when I was 36 and I still miss her every day.

Usedtobeblonde, I understand exactly where you are coming from. I used to be the same; sometimes I would buy a blank card, write "Mum," on the front and just "Happy Mother's Day," inside. However, now she has dementia, I can't find it in me to be quite so firm about what is written in the card. I figure that to live as she is living is punishment/karma enough so I buy her a nice one. Although she makes comments about how she wanted to give us away when we were younger, or 2 daughters visiting her is quite enough thank you, it is nice to see her face light up when she reads the card.

I also could have written that original post. I was criticised my entire life, yet an alcoholic brother who caused so many problems, never had a bad word said about him ! I smothered my 3 AC in love and affection and they in turn taught my mum to kiss and cuddle and to say I love you. I lost her last year aged 95, and I wrote her a letter to put in the coffin, just saying what a waste of an entire life when we could’ve been friends. She was able to upset me when I was young but as I grew older I became very assertive. She even did her best to criticise me to my kids, but we are rock solid and they used to tell her off and then tell me what she said. And my 3 write such beautiful words in my Mother’s Day cards they always make me cry, so I’ve come out on top in my eyes, in a battle I never wanted.

Kate1949, i have a similar story. 10 children, 7 boys and 3 girls. She must have tried in the early days, but eventually turned to drink, so us kids had no real guidance. I remember trying to wake her on going out to school, I didn't have anything clean to wear, she just muttered wear what you have. This is what I find hard to forgive, the neglect and uncaring as we all went out to find humiliation and inability to make proper friends. We were so dirty and scruffy, and not until we were old enough to put things in perspective ourselves, could we better things for each of us. I helped my 16 year old brother into an apprenticeship, made sure he went to the interviews etc, and he has done so very well for himself. He is a millionare, but always thanks me for the guidance and persistence I showed him. The rest of us, sink or swim, up to you. And sadly, we were and are quite intelligent, and could have gone far academically. Hey ho, life is and has been hard for so many of us.

Such a sad thread, I feel quite emotional. My mum was a good lady but worked full time so I really spent all my days with my Nan who I adored (As an adult I can see Nan may have been happy to take over and see me almost as her child) but she was a kind lady who I loved very much and I m ashamed that as a child I think I preferred my grandparents I don’t think I appreciated my Dad enough He was a kind, gentle, thoughtful hardworking man, and in those days, full time work meant six days a week so I only really had Sundays with mum and dad
I was lonely without any siblings but that was the only bad bit of my life
I think I did everything I could to look after mum and dad as they got old and I still miss them terribly
I was very touched this year when my eldest gave me my card and present She told me she’d had flowers off her two children although they are both away from home one travelling, one working I told her she’d been a very good mum in raising her two children alone (their Dad died when they were small) and she said quite matter of factly ‘well I got my parenting skills from you ‘ I thought that was the biggest complement anyone could give me
My heart goes out to all you mums with cruel or thoughtless parents 💐

My mother, brought up by stern Victorian parents, rarely showed overt affection. I don’t remember her kissing me until I had my first baby. All the same, I knew she loved me very much. We had a lot in common, similar interests and tastes. She took me to theatre and ballet from an early age. She was also a very good listener.

She didn’t approve of Mother's Day, seeing it as commercial rubbish, and we ignored it until I was quite old, in my 50s or thereabouts. Then I suddenly started sending her cards and so on.

I told my children to ignore it, as it is very close to my birthday, but the hype was too much and they have always celebrated it.

I understand where you are coming from! 💐

Purplepixie Doesn’t it just PP, since meeting her wealthy boyfriend I haven’t had a Christmas greeting, Mother’s Day recognition - Nada! 🥲

On my wedding day, 17 and pregnant my mother said “don’t be thinking you can come back “.

Bridget I feel for you. What a strong person you must be and what a wonderful thing you did for your brother.

Usedtobeblond I feel exactly the same but in the end I had to cut off contact. One thing I wouldn’t do is do anything out of duty! If I couldn’t do it out of love (which I couldn’t) then I wouldn’t do anything out of duty. My Mother was mentally hurtful. She complained when she once was asked to make a birthday tea as she said she was on holiday and my birthday always upset the holiday. Sent me to my first job in my school uniform, I had absolutely no confidence at the time, and once gave me a half empty bottle of Tramp perfume in a brown bag! When it came to my first bra she belittled the size of my breasts to the Sales Assistant. I tried to love her but realised it was a waste of time!

I should add I also hunted for cards that didn’t say what a wonderful Mother she was!