Would you tell her?

Well if others are commenting in loud voices she will hear anyway. Problem solved.

If she asks you then you can always say. " I like you in xyz outfits" and hope she listens and takes it on board.

I also have a very slim/thin legged friend who dresses a bit too young. But she probsbly doesnt like my Seasalt dresses and trousers. I wouldnt dream of making any comment.

Years ago an elderly employer said you should never comment on others appearance whether it be compliment or criticsm. I didnt understand her then in my 20s but I do now in my late 70s.

Aveline

I think the suggestion that you compliment her when she looks good is a helpful one. It's just embarrassing when someone looks like mutton dressed as lamb or as a charming colleague said 'carrion dressed as mutton'!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 That's the first time I've heard that one....
How do we know when we're at the " carrion" stage ? I wonder.?

"When I am an old woman I shall wear purple / With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me."

And why shouldn't she?

She is an adult and so long as she doesn't go out in public wearing a baby-doll nighty and no knickers it is nobody's business but hers unless, of course, she asks for your opinion.

Sadly at 80 my legs are much too swollen to be revealed. It;s either trousers or maxi skirts and dresses for me. I think I may be going too far with some of my sleeveless tops and dresses, but I'm sure my daughter would be the first to say something.

Don't say anything you'll only upset her and its not worth spoiling your friendship over it .
Some years ago I had a friend who used to get her small daughter to choose all her clothes,hair and make up .
She was a huge woman - overweight ,tall and extremely loud
Dressed in too short frilly frocks with bows in her hair - she looked ridiculous.
I had to laugh-on one occasion when we were going out she said,
you are going to dress up tonight ,aren't you?

Gran22boys

As others have said, compliment her when she looks good. Mini skirts look ridiculous on older people as does long hair generally (not always). Women think these things make them look younger when actually the reverse is true. And we actually do judge people on their appearance generally even if we say we don’t.

I've recently been watching Martha Agerich at the piano, at 84 years, she has thick, shoulder-length grey hair - and I think she looks absolutely lovely. As did my late OH. A much younger, male, family member said she looks 'stunning'.

I don't think you can make hard-and-fast rules on fashion and ageing.

Gran22boys

As others have said, compliment her when she looks good. Mini skirts look ridiculous on older people as does long hair generally (not always). Women think these things make them look younger when actually the reverse is true. And we actually do judge people on their appearance generally even if we say we don’t.

What on earth are you talking about?
I’m not elderly at 61 but my naturally blond, long hair is magnificent! It’s the sort of colour that people pay fortunes to try to emulate. I have a lovely little patch of silvers at my temples, so far that’s it. When it’s fully silver, I’ll love it.

Your attitude is so old-fashioned and a bit strange, tbh.

Very, very few older people can carry off the Judi pixie cut and would frankly look a great deal better with long hair!

Aely

"When I am an old woman I shall wear purple / With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me."

And why shouldn't she?

She is an adult and so long as she doesn't go out in public wearing a baby-doll nighty and no knickers it is nobody's business but hers unless, of course, she asks for your opinion.

Red hat and no drawers!! 😁

I'd ignore it if she's happy and obviously not a bit self-conscious, Dontcallmelove

Very, very few older people can carry off the Judi pixie cut and would frankly look a great deal better with long hair!

There is a happy medium!
I can't wear my hair longer, it makes me look even older than I am. A short bob is best for me.
Each to their own.

keepingquiet

You sound very judgemental saying her legs are 'not nice' what is that supposed to mean?
She would be upset if you tell her? Then don't tell her!
I see so many young women walking around who look good awful with their fish lips and pantomime dame eyebrows, but I wouldn't say anything to them- they probably think they look great and so should your friend.
Ignore what other people say too- they sound very bitchy to me.
She is 70 years old and has earned the right to wear whatever she wants if she feels comfortable in her clothes.

What happens when people stop using lip fillers? Do their lips go down like burst balloons? I can’t not see lip fillers now. As for the thought of having needles stuck in my lips !

Oh, would some Power give us the gift to see ourselves as others see us!

I look like a relic from the 70s!

I had a boss who was so proud of her long flowing locks. It was a ghastly fright when she turned round and we could see her old face 🙁.

I try not to be judgmental, but this friend of mine came to my sister’s funeral with short dress on & boobs hanging out, six inch heels. TBH, I was livid.
I found it disrespectful, especially as she was at my heel the whole way through the wake.
My younger nephews eyes were out on stalks. When I passed some young lads playing pool (not with us) saying MILF, that was it. She was the only person drunk person there, as most were on tea.
I said I just want to sit with my family now, ‘who had traveled down from Perth’, so I called a taxi for her.
My dad’s funeral she asked for all the arrangements. I just said come to the church but it’s family only 😔
She said that was best, as she had taken over at my sisters funeral, so knew full well what attention she was drawing at the time.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Have you thought about going clothes shopping with her? Both of you buying clothes? Then you could ask each other's opinion... Mind you, you might be the one who ends up in mini-skirts, so perhaps better not.....

I have a friend who is 75 and has waist length grey hair. It is completely fabulous. It is silvery and shiny. It's her pride and joy. Why should she cut it? The only thing I feel when I see her is envy.

I wouldn't say anything

I wouldn’t say anything, she’s an adult , she can wear what she wants . Maybe she’s proud of her slim legs .
I don’t have hard and fast rules for dressing . I wear what I feel comfortable in. My dd 32 was a fashion buyer and gives me advice on clothes . I’m 67 and a size 12 and do wear clothes which are trendier than friends my age .
I also wear a bikini on holiday . On my recent holiday , there were lots of older women wearing bikinis and they were an assortment of shapes and sizes .

Absolutely not say anything. We should all wear just what we want to, regardless of what others think.
I wouldn't wear a mini skirt, but I have truly horrible legs with puffy knees. But I do wear denim, bright clashing colours frequently, lots of things which cause some to need a lie down to recover from.

I read this morning the obituary of Diana Selfe who went into back modelling as a widow in her 70s and has just this Mzrch died at 97. Her beautiful waist length silver hair was a photographers dream. Her clothes were amazing as was her slim figure and high cheek bones. And most of all she seemed to be a lovely person. She seemed to be ageless and so stylish.
But the main thing as she said herself was she didnt try to look young or younger. She just looked stunning as herself. I dont know when she last modelled but into her 90s I think.
She of course would have had the very best fashion and makeup advice.

Not that all this info helps OP, but I was thinking about Diana S this morning and her long long hair and when I Googled her found she had died on 26 March.

Went back into modelling. Not into back modelling. I suppose some models just model their back as some are hand models!

paddyann54

*GRan22boys*”We,re not judgemental YOU are .
Why don’t as my gd says you just do you and let everyone else do their lives their looks their dress sense THEIR way?
What horrible small minded people this site throws up!
My late mother judged me all her life ….I was fat when I was a size 8 ,left me with a lifelong food issue
I have no intention of some old biddy telling me I can’t have long hair over a certain age….that was another of my mother’s moans.
My mother was born well over a hundred years ago so at least her excuse for being judgmental was that she did come from a different time.
I despair at women like you .

I didn’t say I wasn’t judgemental, I just try not to be.
Get where you are coming from as my mum can be quite critical of my weight.
But my argument is it was my sister’s funeral, & should have been a day for her. Not for this attention seeking friend of mine.
Usually I don’t give a dam how ridiculous she looks as I don’t tend to be in her circle.

1960srelic

Have you thought about going clothes shopping with her? Both of you buying clothes? Then you could ask each other's opinion... Mind you, you might be the one who ends up in mini-skirts, so perhaps better not.....

I didn’t wear mini skirts in the 60s or 70s! Long legs but ‘knock kneed”.

Ladies, please don’t start a war over this. My question came from concern about my friend hearing these comments. Most of us reach a time when we feel we need a bit of a style reset. We can wear what we want and how we want to, so long as we have the personality to bat off the comments, if we feel the need to.

Sago

I would comment when she dresses appropriately and really compliment her, stay quiet when she looks grim!

Yes!

I would add it’s absolutely no one’s business how any other human dresses, so unless she is forgetting to put her knickers on or her boobs are showing, back off!

Aely

"When I am an old woman I shall wear purple / With a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me."

And why shouldn't she?

She is an adult and so long as she doesn't go out in public wearing a baby-doll nighty and no knickers it is nobody's business but hers unless, of course, she asks for your opinion.

I adore that poem, and I too shall follow it!!