What is our role as older people?

Even if the conclusion is that there's no point, what are "we" going to do about it, though?

I’m sorry Luckygirl. There’s a lack of empathy. Easy to take good health and mobility ( or at least good enough) for granted. We’re a very ableist society still in spite of advances.

What you said doesn’t actually mean anything
Life will deal you blows stop looking for other people to sort you out
“Pick yourself up and get back in the race”

Gango

What you said doesn’t actually mean anything
Life will deal you blows stop looking for other people to sort you out
“Pick yourself up and get back in the race”

Who is this addressed to?

My mother lived with us for the last four months of her life, she had terminal cancer and could do very little.

Despite this she clung to life, enjoyed seeing her friends who visited, we would take her out to dinner, or in the latter weeks would hire a wheelchair and take her to her favourite shopping centres. Two weeks before she went into the hospice she had her hair cut and coloured at the hairdressers.

She took great joy in her grandchildren and great grandchildren, she loved chatting with my sister and I about our childhoods and our hopes and dreams for our futures.

I think what I am trying to say was she was grateful for all that she had had, and loved each day to the best her illness allowed. She definitely was not ready to give up on life, right up till her last breath 😿

Your last post

Sounds like she lived life to the full

Well done your mum

To enjoy ourselves as much as we can and spend every penny before we die

And she was very lucky to have such a loving family who cared for her and facilitated her making the most of her last months. But you know it’s not like that for everyone. Chronic as opposed to terminal illness is a different beast and extracts a different toll. We know from posts on here how hard life can be for those caring for partners who’ve had serious strokes or Parkinson’s or have dementia. We know how poor support services can be. We see the hoops that some GP practices make patients on permanent medication jump through to get prescriptions. Living on your own, chronically ill and or with mobility problems can be really exhausting and it’s not as simple as pick yourself up, dust yourself down and start all over again.

Sorry that was a response to GG . Also I want to add that some people with terminal cancer do not have well controlled pain relief or have other symptoms that make life really hard and their last months anything but worth living even with the most families. In the last 3 years I’ve lost 3 people really close to me with terminal cancer and their deaths and the few months before were dreadful.

Tuliptree I currently have three permanent conditions I am aware of the hoop jumping

Only four weeks ago I spent an hour with the practice nurse and then 30 minutes with a GP negotiating (begging) not to be admitted to hospital there and then.

I imagine the majority of us will have various health problems as we age, it’s our attitude to those problems which are under our control, not the problems per se.

Tuliptree

Sorry that was a response to GG . Also I want to add that some people with terminal cancer do not have well controlled pain relief or have other symptoms that make life really hard and their last months anything but worth living even with the most families. In the last 3 years I’ve lost 3 people really close to me with terminal cancer and their deaths and the few months before were dreadful.

Yep, so have I.

Each persons death is different, as is each person.

I have been raised to be a positive person, and that is what I endeavour to be.

But for some people their life experiences make it easier to be positive. Walking in someone’s shoes etc

I think that having got successfully to this age - 80 - I can afford to be a bit of an hedonist.

To this end I spend a lot of time planning and doing stuff we enjoy.

Just wish it would cool down!!

Tuliptree

But for some people their life experiences make it easier to be positive. Walking in someone’s shoes etc

And for some their earlier life experiences were so awful, if they didn’t now have a glass half full outlook they would/could be in a continuous cycle of why me

Whitewavemark2 I am just over a decade behind you, but I so agree 👍

We don't have a purpose. It can actually be a relief not to have a purpose, but to take each day as it comes and try to find pleasure in what you can do and enjoy for its own sake. If you can occasionally make a difference to someone else that's fine, but we don't need to keep looking for a reason to be, by being of use to someone else.

GrannyGravy13

Tuliptree
But for some people their life experiences make it easier to be positive. Walking in someone’s shoes etc
And for some their earlier life experiences were so awful, if they didn’t now have a glass half full outlook they would/could be in a continuous cycle of why me

I don’t quite understand your point here. I think I’m losing the thread really. What I think I’m trying to say is that depending on your personal circumstances, then the impact of chronic health problems such as LG mentions is very different,. Living on your own for example or worrying about money or not having family near by can hugely impact your positivity and I don’t think people in those circumstances should somehow be made to feel failures for not dancing around with positivity

I’m sorry you are feeling that way Luckygirl
We have AC but no GC so have not put our lives on hold as it were for them.
We have had our own hobbies (yes we have health issues - Cancer being one ) but we have a fulfilled life.
Of course that will change when one of us survives the other which is inevitable.
For the past few years I have been losing my big family of siblings and their spouses and that is sad.
Evokes many memories of long ago.

Like GG I start each day being as positive as possible.

Your work is done, it’s time to relax and enjoy whatever takes your fancy! I love having the freedom and time to pursue my own interests and turn my home into a cosy haven. I don’t need a “role”, I’m happy just being me.

I was Mummy for twenty five years then Granny for another twenty five. Then I wasn’t needed anymore and started needing them instead.
I’m still looking after three precious furries, who give me an important reason to stay alive.

My mum had a senior nursing job until she retired and then filled her time helping family and on several charity committees. She had always run the household including the finances. She was 89 when my dad died, they had been together 70 years, mum basically gave up. We tried hard to keep her motivated and happy, someone visited every day, she was involved in family get togethers and more great grandchildren were born. We had glimpses of the old mum but she was always asking why am I still here? and what use I am to anyone now. It was so sad to see a once vibrant, engaging, strong lady lose her enthusiasm for living.

Just a simple question why do some people say "it is better than being dead" how do we know what being dead is like? the Bible says Heaven is a better place ..?? just asking..

In my opinion our role should be as wise, experienced and tactful advisors (not interferers!) But age is rarely respected these days - people prefer the internet.