Childcare criticism

I’m guessing this is their first child. I’m sure we can all relate to this.

My advice, don’t tell them everything. I don’t mean keep anything from them, but I found if they wanted feedback then tell them all the positives eg how good she was and about the museum trip.

Personally I think an apple mid afternoon is fine, but you know what parents are like! If you perhaps carry a few extras snacks with you? However I see your point as you had intended to give her tea and didn’t want to ‘spoil her appetite’.

I have a theory why parents are like this, especially with first babies and it’s that they feel guilty about not being able to look after their own children as they usually both need to work.

Don’t let this upset you too much. I learned how to play the game and that was hand them back as quickly as possible, don’t get into a discussion with them (I’d have left them to discover the runny nose themselves) don’t acknowledge any criticism (ie say nothing), and remember they need you more than you need to do this.

And finally enjoy your granddaughter.

Perhaps they should make alternative child care arrangements ( and pay for it). I wonder if they’d be so critical / unpleasant if this was a paid childminder who had changed the clothes etc.

Just put it down to a bad day. Perhaps they were tired and grumpy or had quarrelled. New day, new beginning!

You're all very patient, is all I can say.

Having my little grandsons here for the last 5 weeks we've realised parenting has changed in so many ways since ours were small and feeding every two hours seems the norm. The day you had sounds fine and your GD sounded content and happy - I would agree just put it down to a bad day on the parents part and hope next week goes better.

Did they bottle or breast feed them every 2 hours? If so I really don't know how they managed to do anything else.
I agree with others who say keep quiet about your day and in future change them back into the original clothes.
They are very lucky you pick her up, a nursery or child minder wouldn't be doing that so their day would be even longer.
I think I would ask if they are happy with your care as they can make other arrangements if they like.

It's never easy looking after grandchildren is it? I often wonder how mine survived their childhood as I obviously knew nothing about childcare. It sounds as if you are doing your best which from what you say about her day appears absolutely fine to me. I would be tempted to tell them they can find alternative child care if they want so that you can return to your full time job.

I've always said from the beginning 'my house, my rules' but fortunately 'my rules' more or less coincided with the parents. Like other posters I'd concentrate on the positives such as the outing and the fun things and if they moan about a change of clothes then that's their prerogative. They obviously trust you to look after their child and the child is happy so if you find the experience enjoyable keep quiet and do things YOUR way when in your house.

I can understand that you want to be with your grand daughter, and I think you are bringing her up extremely well, but if all you get in return is this barrage of criticism I would seriously think about suggesting they employ paid child care.

I think 5 hours is too long a gap between food for a 13 month old .They dont eat a lot at one time so small amounts more regularly is what I'd give .Maybe a small banana around 9.30 and a handful of raisins if raisins are still allowed or even a half slice of toast.I'd also give her a small cube of cheese or a slice of cooked ham with her apple .I had a very poor eater and this was the recommended food pattern I was given back then

I would also expect a child that age still to have milk during the day

Sounds like silence about meals etc is the best way forward as long as they get her back happy and in one piece that’s all they really need to know Thankfully I was only ever given guidelines when looking after littlies and no interrogation beyond has she/ he been ok did they eat their dinner up or have they had a nap and just general ‘all been fine we ve had a great time’ was never questioned beyond
Daughter in law sounds very defensive perhaps she’s picking holes as she’s not too confident herself or feels guilty or doesn’t want Nan to do it better I d ignore it all and hand her back with a big smiley had a lovely day she’s been a dream

Ask them to lay out a feeding routine as to what to eat and drink and when then just have a lovely day around that. Quite agree about the dummy! she cannot chat back with a dummy but ..... Headshake! I gues. It is all about a little give and take from both sides.

I guess it is

Having re read it 5 hours is a long time with only an apple my grandkids wouldn’t have managed that

I suppose what you fed her was better than stuffing her full of chocolate and biscuits but my gs would be starving if he went that long with no food . It also depends on what you gave her for lunch you did not tell us .
In future I would make sure she had a bit of something in between breakfast and lunch ie fruit and milk and something healthy mid afternoon .

You are not doing anything wrong - I am amazed at all you do with her - some grans park them in front of the box! - certainly no-one on Gransnet though!

Just do what seems right at the time and let the grumbles wash by you. Some folk do not know how lucky they are!

Why don’t the parents leave her with whatever snacks between meals they want her to have Mine always arrived with a change of clothes, nappies, dummies and a click box of bits and bobs for betweens

Put the ball in their court. Ask for a written schedule for meals, drinks, nappy changes, sleeps etc.

They can't have it both ways - expect you to use your initiative, and at the same time expect you to employ psychic powers to know what they themselves would have done in any situation.

I don't live near enough to any of my GCs to look after them on a regular basis, but if parents started criticising, rather than making requests or suggestions, they would pretty soon be finding alternative childcare arrangements.

I look after my grandchildren one day each week and the issue of apparently always being in the wrong has been on going really ...as it has been for many of my friends also providing childcare. I very quickly learnt to say "Ok" to comments like the one you got about food; no discussion, just acceptance that is what they want. When asked why I had changed clothes I would just say "There was a stain on her jumper! Would you rather I leave her in that next time?" If there is a temperature, nasty cough or such like I text the parents to tell them and ask what they would like me to do. If a snotty nose I make no comment, they will soon notice it. Different "in the wrong" things arise, I keep to a consistent style of response and it avoids arguments , upsets etc particularly with my DIL. Not easy I know, I have managed to let a reasonable amount oif it wash over me without worrying, but it is a bit frustrating!!

Thanks for all the advice and support. I will ask for a schedule for everything and probably ask them for all the food, snacks and drinks so they don’t need to ask. I still don’t believe in dummies unless she is fretful which is extremely rare, so won’t be using any unless absolutely need to. If there is any other criticism I will suggest they find alternative childcare. Also my son’s partner is home by 5.30 so may drop her off instead of waiting until 6.30 for my son to collect her. BTW the other Nan has no input in childcare as too far away. There is perhaps jealousy that other Nan not involved hence the criticism of me!

Re the dummies ...you don't agree with it but do the parents actively want to have it regardless? If that one had come up with me I would have said "What arrangement do you want with the dummy? Do you want me to give it to her when she is not upset or just when she is upset?" i.e make it very specific, spell it out. If they say they want her to have it regardless say "Ok" . Get it out the bag, put on side or wherever, don't give it to her unless she needs it, don't mention it again, just pop it in the bag in front of whoever is picking her up. If they ask, say "Its been there for her all day."

PS seems like a good idea to drop her off too, when Mum is home

You collect your dgd?
Mine (one day each week) are delivered to me while I am still (probably) in my dressing gown.