Am I wrong to feel so bad?

Sorry for the typos, I should have checked before posting!

Sorry, it should read that I took grandchild home after a two night stay......

Honestly, I should just shoot myself now and be done with ?

No don’t do that!

I think they are just used to you being the giver and haven’t thought it through. Also they probably think that being able to be with them all through is reward enough??

I think I’d be pleasant explicit. Say Oh how lovely for her. I’d like something like that for my next birthday too.

Sometimes they just need jolting out of the usual way of seeing us.

Quite understand that you feel that nobody has you anywhere near the front of the queue for concern and am not surprised you are hurt. I would be too. I have learned the hard way to flag up any forthcoming special anniversaries and tell the family that I expect a fuss - next year will see my 80th birthday and our 60th wedding anniversary and I have said that one celebration will do but I need a day with balloons, cake, flowers, champagne and fuss. They have got the message. Otherwise I will have to organise something myself and I would like my children to care enough to do it for me.

Oh Flossie I d feel just like you ….that’s just awful and I d be a weeping heap I m sure You are not being pathetic at all it’s really really sad that you are treated so differently All I can think is the wife wears the trousers and your son goes along with everything
For your son to give you a card to his Niece and a box of chocolates for your birthday is just awful
I feel like crying with you
?

No I can completely understand how you feel.
They are taking you for granted.
They are trying harder with the other grandmother because they feel they have to. You make it so easy for them.

I am not sure what to suggest. If you say anything you may say something you later regret and cannot be taken back.
Are you invited to the party?

This is a difficult one and I am interested in what other's have to say but you are not being pathetic or needy.

Oh, Flossiebo ?

I don’t think you wrong to feel bad. I would be very hurt too. All I can suggest is that you tell your children how you feel. I would do it without guilt-tripping if you can, just a straight ’I want you to know that I was really hurt’ and leave it at that. They may not realise, but honestly, I think it’s time they did!

No you're not wrong. I'd feel the same. I've had similar things done and it was hurtful in the extreme and quite insulting to be honest. Why would they do that - treat one Gran differently? I think the more you do for them the more they take you for granted. There are some lovely grans on here who will be far nicer than me about it!

I agree with all of the above,but Flossiebo,rise above it.
I think the more you give the more they take.
You are not pathetic in any way shape or form.
And PLEASE don`t hurt yourself in any way shape or form.
You would be shocked the effect that would cause them.
Sending you an air hug.

I would just come out with it.
I’d say to DH, ‘It’s my birthday next week and I’d like something small, shiny and expensive.’ Alternatively, I’d buy something small, shiny and expensive myself, give it to him & say ‘This is my birthday present from you, please could you wrap it up and give it to me on the day.’

To the AC I’d say ‘It’s my birthday next week, I’d like a gift voucher to a spa/expensive restaurant/ theatre.’

Believe me, it can be done
Good luck Flossie - you deserve better!

You are absolutely right in feeling very hurt; your children are taking you entirely for granted and they clearly are not going to realise it unless you make them aware.
Start now, while you are feeling hurt, by saying, how lovely the party for co-mother in law is, followed by:I would like one too for my next birthday. Depending on the response, take it from there.
If they look at you in disbelief and think it is a very odd idea, be ready with what you will and won't do; don't flounce off in a huff but don't be available for the next lot of baby-sitting and certainly don't give them any more treats. Cut down on the Sunday lunches and suggest you go to theirs next time. (although from bitter experience that won't work). Choose how much time you want to spend with your grandchild, but let them know, repeatedly, this is a favour to them, and how hurt you are by the attention paid the the other Mother-in- law who has done nothing to help.

Thank you all for just understanding! That means so much.
I am probably guilty of playing the martyr I guess. I would never dream of asking to be made a fuss of, and, realistically, that is what I want, just once in my life. To feel so much love, all in one place ?
I just feel as though I give and give. And get nothing back. But then think, perhaps its me. I might not be as nice and helpful as I think I am, nor as loveable. The more I think about it, the more likely this is.
I truly am not saying this to get sympathy, I am trying to be realistic and see things for what they are.
I cried all the way home in the car today. Feeling so sorry for myself, but, that is MY point of view. Perhaps for them, it is different?
I honestly do not think it is in me to say something. I would be so bloody apologetic about it, I know it would do more harm than good.
I think ,my real problem is, I stew. I am sitting here thinking of all the nice things I have done for family and friends and trying to dredge up anything I have received in return.
I am struggling.
So, I have to conclude it is me.
It is hard to acknowledge you are actually quite rubbish at being a parent or friend.

Having said all that, I have a friend if 55 years I am going to stay with next week for a few days. I love her to bits, and I know the feeling is returned, so I do have someone?

Thank you so much for letting me whinge!

I agree with all that has been said. You are a giver ( me too!,) let them know how you feel. Good luck .

I know exactly how you feel. But for me it’s my brothers side of the family and I’ve posted on here before about it. We can’t help being givers, but never apologise for being you. What others have said is true, tell them, nudge them and make them see how much you want to be spoilt. And if it makes no difference then get spoilt by your friend and spoil yourself occasionally, getting husband to pay! Take care xx

Thank you!

you aren't being a martyr though, you are genuinely being loving, helpful and kind and they are taking you for granted
they don't know how lucky they are

I can understand your feelings. It seems unfair. So rant away. It often helps just to write stuff down.

Have a super time with your friend!

Ok, Flossie, time to put the big girl knickers on ?
Take the bull by the horns and tell all of them verbally or in an email, text how you feel.
I’m very sad at the way you’ve been treated. But remember, we only get this treatment because we let people treat us like this.
I’ll admit, it won’t be easy, but by god your going to feel so much better when it’s all been said.
Remember: it’s only the squeaky wheel that gets the oil.
You can do this ?

May I ask if any of your bdays were ever recognized? Any presents from your dh?

Do your AC say thank you for your help?

MerylStreep

Ok, Flossie, time to put the big girl knickers on ?
Take the bull by the horns and tell all of them verbally or in an email, text how you feel.
I’m very sad at the way you’ve been treated. But remember, we only get this treatment because we let people treat us like this.
I’ll admit, it won’t be easy, but by god your going to feel so much better when it’s all been said.
Remember: it’s only the squeaky wheel that gets the oil.
You can do this ?

I am a coward?
Yes, I could put it all in a mail, or say it. But then I would always feel that they were doing things out of obligation, not because they wanted to, or wanted to make me happy.
I don't think I could enjoy an event requested by me, knowing they have only done it because I asked them to.
I want them to want to make me feel happy?

I will get over this (again), and plough on. And yes, I know I am being a doormat and deserve nothing more, because I am just moaning and not doing anything about it! But I just cannot see a way out of it. I will never, ever withdraw babysitting duties, I love my gc to death! But I will stop the Sunday lunches and the being available for everything routine.
I am just so hurt.
Anyways, thank you all for being so kind - I really do appreciate everything that has been said, and will re read a few times over the next day or so to really absorb ?

Flossiebo You are not pathetic or being unreasonable. Your children sound very thoughtless, and I think they've treated you very badly. They've probably become so used to you doing so much for them that they've taken you for granted - a lot. Tell them how yoy feel.

If my sons were the same, I'd be very upset indeed.

I agree with everyone else you are doing such a lot for your family I don’t do nearly as much . I think you have to be clear in your own mind exactly the kind of fuss you would like . And just spell it out since they obviously aren’t going to intuit anything since they haven’t done up to now . Then make sure it gets sorted for your next birthday life is too short to wait till your 70th . I think regarding child care and stuff it soon becomes routine and taken for granted which unfortunately seems to be what has happened to you . I hope they can get their acts together for you !

Hithere

May I ask if any of your bdays were ever recognized? Any presents from your dh?

Do your AC say thank you for your help?

Yes they do say thank you. That's the thing. I think they do appreciate it, but I am a bit like wallpaper - just there.

As for gifts, no. DH is too lazy to do anything. He would give me the money to buy anything I wanted, but has no imagination or inclination to do anything for me.
It's hard, because I do try to do nice things for others on their birthdays, but I do acknowledge that not everyone feels the same way.

I think I just want that once in a lifetime wow......

Fifteen years ago husband surprised me with a coffee machine, completely out of the blue, just because he thought I would like it. I still remember that, and how wonderful it felt ?

Again - thank you, and I will get over myself ?

You are not wrong or pathetic. I’d be feeling exactly the same . I think your son and husband need to step up and
show some appreciation