Gransnet forums


Being a Nanna

(82 Posts)
Barberty Sat 17-Jul-21 19:28:59

Can any one tell me, why I feel that I have given birth to my grandsons? I feel that they are mine, I have overwhelming and I mean overwhelming love for them .. I know that I haven't slept with my son-in-law lol .. When I look at pictures of them when they were as a babies tears just roll down face and I want to scoop them up and never let go!! My daughter know all this and she thinks I'm a silly old Nanna .. Does anyone else feel this way?

SueDonim Sat 17-Jul-21 19:32:36

Not me. Nothing can supplant my feelings for my own children. I adore my GC of course, but I have firm boundaries of the difference between my own children and my children’s children.

I had a late baby so there isn’t a massive age difference between my youngest child and my oldest GC so maybe that’s why.

maryrose54 Sat 17-Jul-21 19:51:17

I have similar feelings. Would do anything for them and treat them like they are mine. Get very tearful if they are upset and want to put it right for them.

Kim19 Sat 17-Jul-21 19:58:28

Not me. Love them to bits but my sons are such an intregal part of me body and soul that can't be matched or surpassed.

Chewbacca Sat 17-Jul-21 20:48:39

Nope. I love my GC to bits but not in the same way that I love my own DC. Totally different.

MissAdventure Sat 17-Jul-21 20:49:50

My daughter was the apple of my eye, and always will be.

Jaxjacky Sat 17-Jul-21 20:59:55

Nope, not me either, I love all of them, but my children are my daughter’s, not mine, my children are mine, thé love is different, deeper.

LauraNorder Sat 17-Jul-21 21:21:16

I will never forget that overwhelming love I felt for each of my children when they were born, nor the surprise at being capable of such love. It never goes away even at those times when I didn’t like one or other very much.
Grandchildren are the children of those we love so much, of course we will love them but, in my experience, it’s not the same deep and instant love it grows as we get to know them.
I love them, I care about them, they are a joy but I am not their mother.
It is lovely that you love them so much but be careful not to smother them.

kittylester Sat 17-Jul-21 21:38:56

Good post Laura.

ElaineI Sat 17-Jul-21 22:09:23

Barberty I get where you are coming from. I think when grandchildren are born, the grandparents have more time? Hard to explain but when I had my children we were busier, had jobs, house to run, siblings of baby and a new baby totally dependant on you and it was also scary. As a grandparent you have time to concentrate on the newborn who is the child of your child and you want the world to be safe and perfect for all of them. Not saying this very clearly but for me I love all my grandchildren and have a huge feeling of responsibility for them but as a grandparent not their mother or father. Happy to help and do anything required but not bring them up. But woe betide anyone who hurts them!

timetogo2016 Sat 17-Jul-21 22:59:03

Same here Barberty.
The love i feel for them is un-real.
Can`t beat it tbh.

GagaJo Sun 18-Jul-21 00:27:11

I agree Barberty. I was at my GC's birth and we have always had a very close relationship. I think with my DC, I was so young, stressed, bad marriage, trying to cope financially with no help from husband, that I just survived. With GC I have time to enjoy our relationship.

NotSpaghetti Sun 18-Jul-21 06:16:01

No. I honestly don't understand it.

I love my adult children with all my heart and soul. Nothing else could be like this.

Their children are amazing extra wonderful beautiful bundles of joy but the love is different.

NotSpaghetti Sun 18-Jul-21 06:23:41

I am lucky, Gagajo in that I had a kind, supportive and loving partner and spent years when our children were little, "enjoying" them.

I wonder if those who were lucky and therefore had more time and energy with their own babies feel as I do and those whose lives meant they had less time (work, relationships, family stresses, trying to survive, sheer exhaustion), are more inclined to agree with the OP?

Just a thought.

absent Sun 18-Jul-21 07:28:02

I was with my daughter and son-in-law at the birthing room when my first grandson was born. I was taken aback when I felt that great tsunami of love that matched my feelings when absentdaughter was born. I still love him very much and my five other grandchildren, especially the two youngest who are still very much part of my life on a weekly basis. However, I am not their mother. I have a different role in their lives as their grandmother and I relish it.

M0nica Sun 18-Jul-21 07:41:06

No, never. I feared I might before the event, but when they were born, I reacted as I did with my children. From birth I saw them as individuals in their own right, separate from me as well as being from me.

I love them, every hair on their heads, but smother loving isn't in my nature.

NanKate Sun 18-Jul-21 07:42:38

I so understand Barbarty.

When my son was born I had postnatal depression which affected me badly. I sadly did not enjoy those first few years. However with the support of my DH things improved and my love for my son grew and we are very close buddies now.

So when my 2 grandsons were born I was concerned that I would not cope, just like before. How wrong could I be. I got overwhelming feelings of love for them and I realised that this was what a lot of mums get for their own children. My 2 grandsons are now 10 and 8 and I am as close to them as ever. My eldest regularly Facetimes me for long chats. I would walk over ‘hot coals’ for them. Better late than never.

Scentia Sun 18-Jul-21 07:46:15

I somewhat agree Barberty I adore both my grandchildren and love them as much as I love my children, but, I think the emotion you are feeling is probably something else. Fear of something happening to them maybe, fear of not having them in your life? When I look at pictures of my family I am overjoyed and do not feel like crying. Everything you are feeling is quite normal but don’t rely on the grandchildren always wanting to visit and give cuddles as to a 10 year old Nanna’s smell very odd😂. Enjoy your time with them and relish the fact you don’t have the worry that went along with being a young family with little time and money. I lavish my grandchildren with my time and affection as I know it will be unwelcome as soon as they get a bit older!

Franbern Sun 18-Jul-21 08:42:09

No......I am another of those who had a totally absolute love for each of my children. Has stayed with me -even for those that have had times when I have not liked them very much.
Was never keen on them having children - which I knew must push me down the pecking order in their affections.

However, as each of those eight were born I knew how happy they have made each of my children - and anything that does that is good by me. So, my bubble of love for my children extended to cover their children.

So, Yes I do sort of love my g.children - but nothing like that totally overwhelming love I still feel feel for my own children.

sodapop Sun 18-Jul-21 08:50:29

I agree with MOnica I love my children and grandchildren and would do anything for them, but I see them as their own people not an extension of me. How you feel Barberty is way over the top for me.

Toadinthehole Sun 18-Jul-21 11:39:32

No. I love them so much, but they’re a step removed. The only thing I do sometimes worry about, is feeling closer to my daughters children, than my sons. Perhaps it’s because I would have carried the eggs. Also, my daughters are just young versions of me. My sons aren’t.
I asked my husband if he felt more affinity towards our sons children. He said ‘ no, not really,’ but he perhaps is drawn more to our grandsons than granddaughters. A bloke thing, he said. He can understand where you’re coming from OP.

DiscoDancer1975 Sun 18-Jul-21 11:43:34

No. My grandchildren are gorgeous, and I love them dearly. I still love my children more.

Barberty Sun 18-Jul-21 11:43:38

Sue Donim,

I would never over step my boundaries with my grandsons and if I did my daughter would let me know asap .. My LOVE however for my grandsons has NO boundaries.

srn63 Sun 18-Jul-21 11:55:27

I love them, but it has grown slowly as I have got to know them and they have developed and I find it infinitely fascinating to see their progress, but love them as I love my children? Sorry, no, nothing can compare to that.

srn63 Sun 18-Jul-21 12:01:51

One of the very best things about being a grandmother is to watch my children parent their children. I am so proud of the love they show to them and that makes my heart swell with love for my children. It also makes me a little bit proud of myself that they may have got those parenting skills from me.