Gransnet forums

Chat

moving home only to regret

(60 Posts)
Maddison Wed 04-Aug-21 17:22:36

Just wondering if anyone could give me some advice?
We moved from a house into a bungalow 4 years ago
We settled in more or less straight away
We have renovated the bungalow throughout and in a few weeks are getting some of the windows replaced
We are in our seventies and this is our last home we bought the bungalow to make living easier as we get older
The last few weeks i have started thinking of our previous home and comparing it to our new one and i am having big regrets of moving i am really missing my lovely house i keep thinking why on earth did we sell it, there was nothing wrong with it! and finding fault in the bungalow comparing every single room and the outside space
i think this feeling has been coming on for a while a young couple moved in to the house at the bottom of the garden in the spring and they are really noisy when in the garden and have cut bushes down which has taken away our privacy we have had to buy some to try and get it back the other neighbours are lovely
i daren't tell my husband how i feel he wouldn't understand and wouldn't be happy with me, as we have spent all our savings on the renovation but i don't think i can settle back down and be happy i keep thinking this is not the forever home that i thought it was and i have made a massive mistake
i was just wondering if anyone else has had this happen to them and could give me some advice?

Newatthis Wed 04-Aug-21 17:26:50

I really feel for you. I suppose you downsized? It is very worrying when you move house and then you find out that the house that you have moved into it is not what you dreamed or imagined it would be. Added to that you have the Noisy neighbours. You really must speak to your husband because he might be thinking the same as you and although the last thing you would want to do right now is another house move perhaps it should be something you might consider. Hope you can resolve this issue.

Luckygirl Wed 04-Aug-21 17:32:03

I think the presence of noisy neighbours is likely to make you start thinking about the good things about your old home. But I am sure that you had very good reasons for making your move.

I moved to a bungalow some years ago for very good reasons, but sometimes think that I could have just got a stair lift! However when I switch my brain on I realise that there were other sound reasons too.

Noisy neighbours a a big challenge and you have lots of sympathy from me.

Maddison Wed 04-Aug-21 17:35:06

Hi, thank you for the help, i keep thinking i should mention it to my husband but he has long term covid that makes him emotional and i don't want to stress him out, but i suppose i will have to eventually i keep looking at homes to buy in our area but as it's a popular area they are only a few for sale i was hoping that maybe i should try not to be stressed and rethink things in a few months but don't know how but your right i think i will maybe talk to him

Maddison Wed 04-Aug-21 17:37:21

Hi lucky girl thank you for the support your right it all came on slowly after the new neighbours moved in it made me think about things

tanith Wed 04-Aug-21 17:42:58

One of the reasons I’ve put off moving is exactly what you describe, I love my house I have everything just as I want, everything works and my neighbours are all lovely there are 2 reasons I want to move but the thought of buying and then finding things wrong is putting me off.
As the others have said do talk to your husband about your concerns.

Redhead56 Wed 04-Aug-21 17:48:13

Everyone feels emotional moving house and has regrets. It’s been a difficult time for everyone maybe it’s just getting to you now. If your DH has long COVID maybe that’s got to you also everything all at once.
Think about adding little touches to your home vases full of flowers plants etc make it personal. I am sure it will pass and you will settle and get used to where you live take care💐

Maddison Wed 04-Aug-21 17:49:46

thank you tanith your right i will eventually speak to him and whatever you do don't move you are doing right by staying in your lovely home

Maddison Wed 04-Aug-21 17:54:33

thanks redhead, i have spent a lot on new ornaments mirrors flowers i enjoyed buying them and iv'e tried moving the rooms about he has even agreed to replace some of the windows because he knew i wasn't happy with them but is not happy at spending the extra money

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 04-Aug-21 18:51:38

We downsized five years ago but to another house, contemporary with lots of character. Since then my arthritis has got worse and a ‘single storey residence’ (I hate the word bungalow despite having been brought up in one) would be much better but when I look at them online they are mostly such boxes with no character and no amount of decorating, ornaments or flowers can change that if it’s basically just not to your taste. I suspect this may be the case with you and the noisy neighbours are the last straw. It may be difficult to talk to your husband about this at present if he has long covid but personally I’d bite the bullet. Maybe when you’ve had the new windows fitted get a valuation to see how much your renovations have increased the value then see if you might find another single storey residence more to your liking online. Another house may not be a great idea but only you know how long you could both cope with stairs. I’m concerned that you’ve spent all your savings on the renovation though as moving is a costly business and there’s bound to be something you need to spend money on at another property even if only carpets and curtains. I do feel for you but it seems pretty clear that you’re not going to be happy living in this place for the rest of your life.

Calendargirl Wed 04-Aug-21 19:02:38

We settled in more or less straight away.

You’ve been there four years, I assume you were happy at first, judging by your comment,

Perhaps now all your renovations are complete, you have not much exciting to look forward to, regarding the bungalow. And if your DH is not too well, that will be worrying.

The noisy neighbours are another upset.

If you moved again, there’s no guarantee what the neighbours will be like though.

Maddison Wed 04-Aug-21 19:24:35

Hi i agree with you 100% i was thinking about after the windows are in to get a valuation
Thank you for the advice

Maddison Wed 04-Aug-21 19:27:15

Calendargirl

^We settled in more or less straight away^.

You’ve been there four years, I assume you were happy at first, judging by your comment,

Perhaps now all your renovations are complete, you have not much exciting to look forward to, regarding the bungalow. And if your DH is not too well, that will be worrying.

The noisy neighbours are another upset.

If you moved again, there’s no guarantee what the neighbours will be like though.

you are right it's the unknown moving could be worse, i need to get over the regret of moving from the old house but am at a
loss on how to thank you for your help

welbeck Wed 04-Aug-21 19:37:40

could you introduce the subject gently to your husband.
if he says how he is feeling generally, or healthwise, could you say, do you think it would have been harder if we'd still been in the old house.
and gradually kind of suss him out on how he feels about the present house. he might have regrets too, but be trying not to dishearten you.
can you get some tall screening for the garden.
all the best.

M0nica Wed 04-Aug-21 19:42:32

You have been in your new house for four years, but you are only just feeling these regrets. This suggests that there is something more underlying them than there appears.

The obvious reason is the noisy neighbour at the end of the garden, but what is to say that if you had stayed in the house the neighbours may have changed and you could have noisy neighbours there by now.

You moved for a reason, probably that the house and garden were getting too much for you to manage. It is all too easy to look back to the past and rememeber everything that made you happy there and forget the things that caused problems.

Have you considered a short course of counselling? perhaps talking it over with someone outside the home nexus and neutral would help you work out what is the reason for you feeling like this.

Maddison Wed 04-Aug-21 20:02:00

welbeck

could you introduce the subject gently to your husband.
if he says how he is feeling generally, or healthwise, could you say, do you think it would have been harder if we'd still been in the old house.
and gradually kind of suss him out on how he feels about the present house. he might have regrets too, but be trying not to dishearten you.
can you get some tall screening for the garden.
all the best.

that is good advice i will certainly gently broach the subject to see if he is settled here,
we have added some tall screening i am just wondering if i wasn't ready to move from a house to a bungalow after all, i need to stop thinking about my old house i can't change the sale Thank you so much i appreciate you taking time to help

BlueBelle Wed 04-Aug-21 20:06:36

I think you need to actually stop yourself when you start yearning and think of the reasons you wanted to move
There was obviously a good reason at the time
I don’t think you should tell your husband, think how disappointed he would be and there’s precious little you can do if all your savings have gone, so what would that achieve apart from upsetting him ? I m going to sound hard but I think you have to look at all the good things and count your blessings that you’ve still got a good partner and a lovely home that you done up to your own specifications and try and stop thinking about the old one
Sometimes you have to work harder than other times to look at the positive
You obviously can’t return to old pastures so turn your face to the sun and look for new positives
Good luck

BlueSky Wed 04-Aug-21 20:07:57

Maddison we have been thinking about moving to a bungalow or apartment for a while now, but so far have stayed put. We realised we like what we’ve got and a stair lift can be easily added. Maybe we will do move eventually but I’m already thinking I’ll regret it for whatever reason. So I can quite understand where you come from. Do mention it to your DH, these feelings need to be shared.

Maddison Wed 04-Aug-21 20:10:57

M0nica

You have been in your new house for four years, but you are only just feeling these regrets. This suggests that there is something more underlying them than there appears.

The obvious reason is the noisy neighbour at the end of the garden, but what is to say that if you had stayed in the house the neighbours may have changed and you could have noisy neighbours there by now.

You moved for a reason, probably that the house and garden were getting too much for you to manage. It is all too easy to look back to the past and rememeber everything that made you happy there and forget the things that caused problems.

Have you considered a short course of counselling? perhaps talking it over with someone outside the home nexus and neutral would help you work out what is the reason for you feeling like this.

We moved from the house because we had a steep garden, and my husband had had cancer and i thought the time was right to get a bungalow more nearer the shops as i do not drive, i think because there aren't many bungalows for sale we bought the only one on the market in quick time as there were a lot of viewings booked ,i at my age should have known better, i was thinking with my needs at the time and not my heart unfortunately thank you for your help and kindness

Maddison Wed 04-Aug-21 20:17:31

BlueBelle

I think you need to actually stop yourself when you start yearning and think of the reasons you wanted to move
There was obviously a good reason at the time
I don’t think you should tell your husband, think how disappointed he would be and there’s precious little you can do if all your savings have gone, so what would that achieve apart from upsetting him ? I m going to sound hard but I think you have to look at all the good things and count your blessings that you’ve still got a good partner and a lovely home that you done up to your own specifications and try and stop thinking about the old one
Sometimes you have to work harder than other times to look at the positive
You obviously can’t return to old pastures so turn your face to the sun and look for new positives
Good luck

Hi thank you that is good advice iv'e tried to stop dwelling on the past but it hasn't worked yet i know i am lucky to have a loving husband and a home and i wouldn't want to upset him but he knows i'm not happy he thinks it's because we are still shielding as we have to be careful with he's health and not seeing other people but i will try and hold back from telling him the real reason and hope i can get back to normal in time but if not he might have to be gently told take care thank you

Maddison Wed 04-Aug-21 20:22:48

BlueSky

Maddison we have been thinking about moving to a bungalow or apartment for a while now, but so far have stayed put. We realised we like what we’ve got and a stair lift can be easily added. Maybe we will do move eventually but I’m already thinking I’ll regret it for whatever reason. So I can quite understand where you come from. Do mention it to your DH, these feelings need to be shared.

hi thank you, if you do move really look at what you are moving to and get it right the regret is an awful feeling i wouldn't wish it on anyone take care

Allsorts Wed 04-Aug-21 20:29:52

You have my sympathy Madison, it seems you could cope until you lost your peace and quiet by noisy neighbours and your privacy too. I would certainly talk to your husband about your concerns, also have your home valued to just see if it’s gone up in value with your alterations and improvement.

Maddison Wed 04-Aug-21 20:32:47

thank you i am thinking along these lines too

mokryna Wed 04-Aug-21 20:44:19

have cut bushes down which has taken away our privacy we have had to buy some to try and get it back
I presume the bushes were on their land. Maybe when yours grow, things will go back as before grow. I don’t know what you have planted but there are several online articles regarding different heights of bushes being used as barriers for noise.

I think you have nearly finished decorating your new home and are now preoccupied with regrets because of the young neighbours. Wait for the sound barrier to improve if that is the problem.

Lillie Wed 04-Aug-21 21:12:39

it must be hard for you maddison and i think that the noisy neighbours are the real problem
having jobs to do in the bungalow gives you control over things but having noisy neighbours is sadly something you have no control over
i know it is a way off yet but come the autumn they won't be in the garden so much and you will get some respite