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Christmas present for dil

(79 Posts)
mrsmopp Wed 08-Nov-17 23:46:04

Never know what to give my dil for Christmas as she has so much already. She lacks nothing. She goes shopping and comes back laden with clothes for herself, she has tons of jewellery. Have bought her things in the past and never see her wearing anything - I'm sure she passes them on as gifts to other people. Dare I say she's a bit spoilt? Am totally at a loss. She doesn't buy me anything, my son gets me something and the label says its from both of them. Isn't Christmas a minefield sometimes. Got them theatre tickets last year, can't do that again. I just feel like saying let's not bother with presents at all this year. Am I a Bah Humbug Scrooge? Is it just me? People have so much these days.

Marydoll Wed 08-Nov-17 23:52:32

I'm in the same position. I'm going to give my son and DIL a voucher for their favourite restaurant and a " babysitting" voucher ( I'll babysit) for a night of their choice.

Bellanonna Wed 08-Nov-17 23:54:51

I do agree with your last sentence. However, if it’s usual to give her a present how about a massage, aromatherapy treatment, or similar at somewhere like Neals Yard, or a health club local to her, or similar type establishment. People who have everything often appreciate treats. You could also offer a special afternoon tea somewhere for both of them. Good luck with a decision.

JackyB Thu 09-Nov-17 06:40:21

Definitely go for something that involves time and not money - the babysitting while they go out is a great idea (unless that's something that you do regularly anyway). You get to spend time with the grandchildren and they get some adult time together. Win-win.

Offer to cook a meal for them, or to take their car through the car wash once a month.

Or (tongue in cheek here) offer to de-clutter her wardrobe, if she has so much!

JackyB Thu 09-Nov-17 06:42:58

Although, having read your post again, perhaps you're right - don't do anything. She obviously doesn't care.

Depending on your relationship, perhaps you could join her on one of her shopping sprees - tell her you want to buy yourself some shoes/a coat or dress and would like her advice. You could then pick up the bill for one of her purchases on the way, or pay for a coffee.

Alima Thu 09-Nov-17 06:53:51

Could always try Secret Santa presents for the adults. Something silly that doesn’t cost much, could even set a price limit.

Willow500 Thu 09-Nov-17 07:15:02

I have the same problem x 2 and one is even worse as they she will be here from NZ so can't carry much back. Does your DIL go to the hairdressers regularly or have her nails done? You could pay for the next visit (or 2 depending on budget). A spa day for her and a friend, afternoon tea in a nice restaurant perhaps? It's such a minefield. The last 4 years we've just sent money over to NZ so I've only had one to worry about and have asked for a list off my son for them all which helps. I have bought all the girls (DIL's and Gds) nice pj's - love new pjs for Christmas but doubt anyone will get them for me. There is one thing I've just discovered which is genius for tablet/phone users - it's a beanie bag for them. They're online so ordered 3 but loved mine so much I've ordered another 2 for other family members. If your DIL uses a tablet a lot that might be another idea.

Daisymay1 Thu 09-Nov-17 07:41:22

We now do secret Santa and it works out well . We set a maximum amount of cash . ask everyone to suggest up to six things they may like on family what's ap. and then the person buying can choose something within thier budget . We keep it light hearted and fun 😊

judylow Thu 09-Nov-17 08:22:21

Why don't you ask her if there is anything she would like.

Anya Thu 09-Nov-17 08:30:13

I think the idea of giving your son and DiL a joint present is a great one.

tanith Thu 09-Nov-17 08:32:15

We also do adults secret santa set a price and all meet up to exchange gifts it turns into a lovely family afternoon.

Iam64 Thu 09-Nov-17 08:38:07

Time or give them a joint gift, theatre tickets last year doesn't mean they can't be given again, or one of those passes to their local cinema or similar.
Most people I know split the gift buying. The men buy for their family and friends, the women for their family and friends. We choose gifts for our children/their children and partners together so we (try) not to over buy. It seems a bit unfair to accuse your dil of not buying you anything when the gift is chosen by your son and has a label saying its from both of them.

Christinefrance Thu 09-Nov-17 08:45:45

Christmas and our expectations of the season, don't let your feelings about your daughter in law spoil things. Has she got a favourite charity you could donate to for her then just give a token present. The secret Santa is a good idea and can be a lot of fun as tanith said.

harrigran Thu 09-Nov-17 08:52:11

I do not buy gifts for adults just the GC. We take the whole family out for Christmas lunch which gives everyone a day off from the kitchen.
I think a gift of babysitting or even dog walking are practical gifts which are helpful for busy families.

suelowe Thu 09-Nov-17 08:56:09

If there is someone you feel you need to find a gift for , but who has too much stuff already , do as I do : buy them a charity gift . Last year I bought my friend a donation to bat conservation which included a small furry bat to keep or put on the Xmas tree ! I honestly think it was the present she has enjoyed the most , and the bat is still there a year later !!

HeyHo Thu 09-Nov-17 09:21:51

Agree with charity gift - buy something nominal like a box of Quality Street, and tape a card to the lid saying you have made a charity donation

paddyann Thu 09-Nov-17 10:03:38

how about a case of wine for both her and your can get a case at a reasonable price from some of the wine clubs.Virgin,Giordano,Laithwaites ..and great deals at this time of the year

spottssr Thu 09-Nov-17 14:00:49

My DIL can be a really difficult person to get a gift for. At her 50th birthday I was hurt to hear her eldest daughter tell a group that her mom always just re-gifts gift cards.

gillybob Thu 09-Nov-17 14:06:36

My DDiL is hard to buy for too, not because she has everything, but more because she doesn't really go in for the "usual things".

I think she would be happier with a bale of hay for her beloved horse than a gold bracelet or perfume.

Leticia Thu 09-Nov-17 16:34:38

I would suggest the secret Santa idea with a set price. Makes things so much easier & fun.

Grandma70s Thu 09-Nov-17 17:44:44

In our family we stopped giving presents to adults last year. We all have everything we need. It has lifted a lot of stress and prevented the waste of unwanted gifts. Someone just has to be brave enough to suggest it - in our case it was one of my sons. Sighs of relief all round.

We still give presents to the children, of course.

jacq10 Thu 09-Nov-17 18:07:43

Well done, Grandma70s - we stopped adult presents over 20 years ago and never regretted it. Gives us extra money to donate to charities. Around this time of year friends start worrying and stressing about presents but, as you say, it only needs someone to suggest it and it's a done deal! As a result we look forward to Christmas which consists of church service and then "eat, drink and be merry"!

Flutterly Thu 09-Nov-17 18:33:25

We buy slippers for all the adult children, otherwise they would go without, as they deem it to be something they don't need. But they always have them on and DD1 is already dropping hints this year that she needs them.

We also buy each couple something from poundland that is funny , e.g DS was thinking of upgrading his car, so bought him a cardboard make your own car kit.

We also buy one thing for each of the DGC (6) and the cost for all of this has never been above £100 in total.

Christmas for us is a bit of fun, as we like to see them smile but it does not need to cost a lot.

Devorgilla Thu 09-Nov-17 19:56:39

Did they use the theatre tokens? If so, just make that your 'thing' that you give them every year. Who cares if you gave them that last year? Better to give something they will use. You can always give them a very small extra with the theatre tokens like a couple of Christmas scratch cards. Who knows? One of them could be a winner

Chewbacca Thu 09-Nov-17 20:04:21

My DIL and DS have repeatedly complained that they have "too much stuff" and wanted no more. DIL's mother and I offered to club together and join up both of their birthday and Christmas presents and pay for them to have a long weekend or short break in the Spring. We've done that for the past 2 years and it's worked very well for everyone. Easier to wrap too! grin