Gransnet forums



(25 Posts)
Otw10413 Sat 23-Dec-17 11:06:43

Dear Gransnetters,
I’d like to single out a small number of us , those that have children or grandchildren who have become addicts. To my mind, this is the cruellest path for any loved one to fall upon and I’d like to send my very warmest wishes for a ‘peace’ filled moment or two of happiness to each and everyone of you who are either trying to maintain contact with the addicted family member or those striving to survive having lost touch . You deserve to be supported with kindness and respect so please be gentle with yourselves and have a merry Christmas !

Otw10413 Sat 23-Dec-17 11:37:57

Of course, this could serve to remind me that I am completely alone in this battle to save my son... Merry Christmas nonetheless . tchsmile

Anniebach Sat 23-Dec-17 11:49:12

Otw, I so hope you succeed, I failed though battled with all my love and strength for my beloved daughter for seven years

annsixty Sat 23-Dec-17 11:54:13

No Otw you are not alone. flowers

Otw10413 Sat 23-Dec-17 12:00:44

Dear Anniebach,
Sending you immense respect and strength and wishes for a happy Christmas .

Also thanks to you Annesixty. ❤️

Ilovecheese Sat 23-Dec-17 12:08:51

No, you are not alone. It is just awful, affects the whole family, constantly in the back of the mind.
I try to give myself certain times of day when I am allowed to worry, but it doesn't always work.
I don't even know where she is this Christmas.

Anniebach Sat 23-Dec-17 12:10:31

Otw, don't give up x

I wish you peace and strength, we are here for you x

Otw10413 Sat 23-Dec-17 12:45:59

I love cheese,my thoughts are with you . It’s where he is headed and nothing we do seems to change his blindness. Sending you and all like you and me the very best wishes and thanks for the support GNs.

tanith Sat 23-Dec-17 13:10:06

I lost that struggle with/for a loved one many years ago but I do wish all of you that are struggling peace at Christmas.

Anniebach Sat 23-Dec-17 13:32:48

I lost the struggle seven weeks ago, but those still struggling do not give up , many do win , I hope those here who are struggling will win x

Otw10413 Sat 23-Dec-17 14:41:21

I have reached the end of the line with the son I love but just cannot trust. It’s Chrustmas but I feel nothing but sadness for him. So sorry for those who have lost their children. ❤️

eazybee Sat 23-Dec-17 14:44:28

I confess to being in a grump over Christmas.
These posts made me count my blessings.
I hope you may find some peace.

Anniebach Sat 23-Dec-17 14:47:18

Otw, I coped by separating the person from the illness , if a loving child untill the illness took over then seperate them x

Otw10413 Sat 23-Dec-17 16:49:28

I feel that to Anniebach, I hear someone I can no longer relate too, remember a very different person which makes the loss so painful. It’s a good way to cope with the love as opposed to any hope . X

lemongrove Sat 23-Dec-17 17:41:22

So sorry for your sad situations regarding your DC and DGC who are addicts.Never despair though, there is always hope, however remote it seems.💐

kittylester Sat 23-Dec-17 17:47:10

Sending love to you all.

I think it is easy for anyone to fall prey to this illness and am just grateful that my children haven't been afflicted.

Anniebach Sat 23-Dec-17 17:52:30

Otw, through the difficult times I held onto my beautiful, happy daughter and was angry with the illness , nothing can take away the love we had for each other , the last message she left before she died was - I love you Mum. I never doubted it

Serkeen Sat 23-Dec-17 18:10:18

Someone said seperate the addiction from the person, what a lovely and ACCURATE thing to say.

The meetings that addicts go to save loads of people so that would be priority to get an addicted person to join/get involved in the meetings because they really do save many people.

These addicts deserve help and for people NEVER ever to give up on them, they would do anything to not be addicts and be able to live a normal life.

BlueBelle Sat 23-Dec-17 18:53:40

I don’t have this problem but my heart goes out to all parents and grandparents who do,it could be any of us Thinking of you all x

Anniebach Sat 23-Dec-17 19:00:53

I said to seperate Serkeen, it got me through some very distressing times . I would like to add to your post which I fully agree with, no one when they take that first drink thinks ' I think I will be an alcholic, and no one who takes that first snort or pill thinks 'i think I will become a drug addict' very often alcohol or drugs become self medication for victims with mental health problems.

No matter the home life, the upbringing, anyone can have a child or grandchild who will become an addict It does not recognise class or education, it just strikes .

Anniebach Sat 23-Dec-17 19:13:25

May I say to anyone who has a loved one struggling with an addiction , be angry with the illness, be angry if anyone encourages the illness by supplying , but to your loved one tell them this -

Otw10413 Sat 23-Dec-17 20:49:16

What strengthening messages. It seems so hard to get affordable help. If you have £10000’s or end up in prison then help is available but do many stories end unhappily. I will separate my son from the illness as suggested and am so glad that those here recognise that this illness can strike whoever. There have been people who have said, you must wonder what made him turn to drugs, but I now know , addiction is a silent parasite unnourished until exposed to the first taste..
Thinking of all Parents whose children have been blighted by this appalling illness. 🌹🌹🌹

Iam64 Sat 23-Dec-17 21:36:46

Otw10413 - thanks for this reminder that so many of us live with the terrible impact of drug/alcohol addictions in our loved ones. Best wishes x

NanaMacGeek Sun 24-Dec-17 00:30:05

Last year I posted that I found out one of my sons is an alcoholic. He had become increasingly estranged from the family over the years and it wasn't until he had had a couple of periods of hospitalisation that we found out the cause. He also asked us for help. We brought him home to live with us and frantically sought treatment for him. There was no help and, in desperation, we cashed in retirement savings and paid for private residential treatment. The rehab clinic certainly provided my son with some coping tools. Even after rehab though, there was another lapse.

We have seen the battle with addiction at first hand and nothing can prepare you for seeing your adult child suffer so much. We have also had to keep his secret (his request), it has isolated my OH and me from all but the very closest of family. We don't know if my son can be sober for the rest of his life but he has not had any alcohol for 18 months. But he is so ashamed of his addiction that I dare not even tell him how proud I am that he has got this far.

I feel I'm tempting fate by even posting this. I don't want to say we are hopeful, perhaps that we feel less hopeless. Like others in this thread, my heart goes out to those who are parents/grandparents of those who are struggling with all kinds of substance abuse. We've seen GN threads where addicted partners get no sympathy, but when it is your child who is the addict, however old they may be, we keep loving them, no matter what the cost to ourselves.

Otw10413 Sun 24-Dec-17 09:24:34

Dear Nana,
Our stories, as parents, are unbelievably uniform. It is always the hope that grows uninvited through the love we have which so ruthlessly metamorphosises into a blunt and painful instrument upon the discovery of a relapse . I wish you, your lovely son, and your family strength and much respect !