What should I do about DIL giving me unsuitable presents?

I drink a small gin about twice a year.
This litre bottle should last for years

At least consummables disappear! Better than clothes or something for the house you don't want. Even if you are overweight a slice of toast and jam for breakfast isn't so bad. Unless you don't like jam. Use things gradually over time and give away bits you can't use. Don't risk saying anything- not worth the possible upset.

Just be grateful that they think enough of you to want to buy you something.

Yes, we do exactly the same as Feelingmyage. Delay buying things in order to put them on a potential present list and circulate it. Sometimes DD or DS will buy me something they know I would like but I was unaware of. I got a couple of books this Christmas, which were not on my list but spot on topic. Sometimes they sound me out on a gift before buying.

If given something I have no use for, I smile and say thank you and then pop it in a drawer for a couple of months and then dispose of it. I would just donate the contents of an inappropriate food hamper to the local food bank.

Next year perhaps email, in good time, to request charity donations instead of gifts? I did that this year - in my family we only ever do token presents for adults (except partners), but none of us really needs anything & we're all in a position to buy any small items we do want. I said which charities I was going to donate to, and suggested my children did the same.

My MiL gives me knickers and jumpers that are two or sometimes three sizes too small despite being the same size herself. I smile sweetly and give it to my younger sister who is much smaller or if she does not fancy it gift it to Salvation Army. I am sure homeless will be happy with it.

be grateful theres someone who bothers to buy you anything...there are many who wont even recieve a kind word

Why do you say Dil is giving you unsuitable presents?
Maybe DS is buying your presents and (like many men) happens to be a bit clueless about it.

(Just saw your update)
Maybe DS wanted to get gifts for you again but has asked Dil to buy them rather than do it himself.
And she doesn't want to do it, so gets something without giving it much thought.

What I did one year with a lavish hamper I'd won in a raffle - just didn't need it and even felt guilty about winning it! - was to phone the local Salvation Army. Someone came to collect it within half an hour! This was shortly before Christmas, though.
Alternatively, if all the items are non perishable, how about a local food bank? Someone will be very glad of them, for sure.

Should have added, I wouldn't say anything to DiL. However tactfully worded, seeming ungrateful for a present can be hurtful and may cause bad feeling. Just not worth it.

Provide a Christmas list we do in our family and it works reasonably well.

Despite gently informing my DIL that I do not like Magnolia products, guess what, I still get same every year, still at least the Charity shops benefit.

I think if DIL leaves the room just tell yourself that she is giving you quality time with your son. She doesn't have to like you. My mil liked to watch the racing and John Wayne films on tv. Both of which bored and still bore me rigid so I left the room and did some baking. Win win. I've had many hampers over the years and there is always something that you wonder what to do with- the last one had mulled wine spices and I'm still wondering. Smile and thank.

It's better to put up with an unsuitable gift than say something and possibly cause a rift. It's nice that they give you anything; some people are not so lucky.

I have only recently joined Gransnet, and am quite surprised at some of the comments, particularly from those who did not read the detail of the opening post.
I am not ungrateful. In general we are on good terms, though not close. My son is very busy with work so leaves the present buying to his wife.
I have given several items away now and will use others. I have no intention of telling DIL that the gifts were unsuitable, as that would be hurtful. Previous years’ gifts have often been unsuitable too, so I was wondering how to break the cycle. I have not even had a thank you for the small gifts I gave them, perhaps they were unsuitable? ( I gave her some toiletries). Nor from their teenage children to whom I was generous, though that is par for the course. I might text them at the weekend to see what they spent the money on.

I would rather we gave up giving gifts between the adults, but they don’t want to do that. I don’t really want to provide a list of items I might like. I am just not materialistic, and have enough objects in my house not to want any more, which is perhaps why she opted for consumables- but just chose the wrong sort, because she does not think.
My son is lovely, sensitive, thoughtful, but just too busy.
They spend every Christmas with her parents, so I am not normally around at present opening time. I don’t want to bring it up on the odd occasions we meet up, though if my son raises it we can discuss it. On thinking about it, I have from time to time, given DS and DIL substantial sums of money, not for Christmas, which is probably why they want to give me presents, which is kind of them.
I am not making a fuss, i am not ungrateful. I am glad I have family I get on with, I just feel we could sort this better somehow.

Thank you for the constructive ideas.

I don't know if this would work for you but here is my suggestion. You say you don't see them at Xmas or you don't see them very often, so could you suggest that instead of gifts you could all have a weekend away somewhere nice? We have done this and it worked well. We had a lovely time together. There are some lovely places in towns or in the country and spending precious time together could be beneficial. Then you won't mind them spending Xmas with DILs parents. Could that work? It did for us.

Thanks for that thought. What we have done this year is all go out for a meal together, together with my DD and her family, about three times in the year.
I don’t see anything being a substitute for a present though, in their eyes.

Having realised that the giver of wildly inappropriate gifts in my family never listens to a word anyone says about it, I now thank her graciously and quietly give the items to a charity shop in the new year.

In our family everyone is asked to provide a list around the beginning of November, with about 6 items on it. There is no guarantee you will get all or, indeed, any of the items on the list, if someone has thought of something you would like but haven't listed. But it drastically reduces the chances of being given something you do not want and excitement of unwrapping isn't lost because you know what you hope to find in your parcels, but you cannot be sure.

For goodness sake, talk about first world problems. Follow the advice of those posters who advise saying thank you and then give to a food bank. Why start a whole palaver of lists and discussions and potential hurt. Just let it be

Passive aggressive present buying- anything will do to we show we care , actually means we don’t care whether you like the present or not. Such thoughtless giving can be just as hurtful as not buying a present for sone people. Actually the OP would rather they didn’t buy any sort of present. I think you need to be more assertive OP - how about a message such as - “it’s very kind of you to think of me but I would really rather you didn’t get me a present. But if you insist I’d like a donation to x charity.”

Cabbie21: ^ My son is very busy with work so leaves the present buying to his wife. ^

This is an excuse, I'm sure your daughter in law is very busy too. Why is buying presents always left to the mother?
When my children were small, I used to be given a load of money from my mother in law to buy presents for the family. I had to buy for my mother too, ("we don't know what they would want, and postage is such a lot") So I was buying every present for the children, my husband, my parents, my parents in law, oh and of course Me. Including one for husband to give me. !

Talk about passive aggressive- isn’t suggesting someone gives the cash to charity rather than buy you a present the ultimate in PA? What an incredibly loaded comment to make in this set of circumstances. Just let it be - the local food bank will be more than grateful