What should I do about DIL giving me unsuitable presents?

I do understand the frustration of people "wasting" money on me.
I'm notoriously picky (so they say ?) and so have now created a "Giftster" list if things I'd like one day but won't just rush out to buy for myself.
Some things have been on it for a while (a book about French ribbon manufacture springs to mind) - but it's always a pleasure to have a treat I actually fancied!
Now all the family have Giftster and it makes all shopping so much easier.
Why not suggest the use of this in future - maybe when it's someone's birthday - then you are more likely to give and receive things that are actually a treat?

could you ask for a bottle of champagne and then share it with them ?

Tanith, what was the game you said you like? I love games.

My DiL buys expensive but unsuitable gifts. My daughter even tried telling her what I wanted. I regift the presents and often give them to charities for raffles

I would just say can I please have flowers for birthdays and Christmas as me and Dh love having them in the house.

Simple, if you receive a hamper say "thank you"then donate to the local food bank they would really appreciate it, but suggest that next time they want to give you a gift a voucher would be great please.

Oh please get them to donate a tree, a hen, a pig etc please do something for someone who needs it you obviously don’t
Sent a family message/ text / note whatever you normally use well before Christmas saying I m so fortunate to have everything I need please will you donate to a b or c in my name that will make me so happy
I don’t see how anyone can deny you that
But the thought of so many unwanted unneeded presents when other people have nothing is distressful

I think it’s very annoying if you decide a policy of no presents among the adults and them someone breaks this.

I would remind them of the no gifts policy and not buy for them and give the hamper to a food bank. Very silly gift to a diabetic.

I read somewhere that each Christmas ,the Royal Family buy trivial gifts for each other(mind you their "trivial "may not be the same as my "trivial"

We did Secret Santa for many years until we got to the stage where DH said he would buy his whisky as he could get it cheaper in Sainsbury's and then money was given to him to get it himself.
I like Notspaghetti's idea ,as long as everyone doesn't decide to buy the French Ribbon book when they see it in a Book Remainer Shop.

I think generosity means generosity in receiving as well as giving.
I have family members who are a bit blunt about presents they don't like particularly my mother. I don't think that there is any way to let them know that they have bought something that is not much use without it being at least a bit hurtful.
Just accept graciously and pass on. If you have what you need does it really matter that much. Food banks will be glad of it so it will not be a waste of money.

I don't think asking for a donation to a charity is passive aggression if that is what the OP would prefer.

Cabbie 21.Food hampers would have sell by dates on the items.Does every item contain sugar which DH could not consume but what is to stop yourself from eating them 'in moderation not all in one go' within the sell by dates.Or take the lot to a food bank.
How difficult is it for you to make your family understand you don't need these gifts and unless it will offend them, only you know your family , suggest a contribution to a charity of your choice.

My son and DIL have for the last couple of years given us tickets for concerts they know we'd like. One year we laughed ourselves silly at Josh Widdicombe, the latest one was for a very enjoyable country music concert. Great presents! Must say I really like Tanith's secret Santa solution though.....?

My DD regularly gave me bath toiletries when I only shower. The final straw was the set of antiwrinkle creams which also immediately went to the Age UK shop! After that, I gently said that I would love such and such for Christmas if she had a mind to and from then on the problem was solved.

I know her mindset at Christmas and your DIL sounds the same - busy, busy with work, family and all these presents to buy so that actual thought does not go into it much. I personally am happy with the cards I receive but DD insists.

Yes,jusk thank them&regift to someone who will appreciate it or food bank the contents.ask for vouchers or shop/book tokens this time or a houseplant/christmas bauble so you have a commemorative decoration for next years tree,to remind you of this year(we add a new one for each year)or some such.or a meal token to dine out?or theatre ticket?The list is endless.if they insist on gifts ASK for what you want,give them a short list to choose one from?

I'm sorry but you sound incredibly ungrateful. You'd soon moan if they ignored you

My worst gift was 'oil of olay'(was ulay back then)creams from a relative of my then new husbands,the first xmas after we married.He was 14 years younger than me,so this didnt go down well! I regifted it,Now we're divorced 14 yrs later im not so bothered.p.s. And no i had no wrinkles,then nor now,due to good skin genes in our family thank goodness.

Why not set up an Amazon wishlist with little things you would prefer, and give her a link to that? She'd probably be relieved to not have to think of something.

I would advise check the labels as some of the mrs bridges ranges are low sugar i beleive?they sell them in holland&barretts health food shop too,so may your DIL geniunely thought it was ok for your hubby to eat??

Difficult DIL’s are a nightmare. I just smile and pray things will get better in time. In my case she refuses to buy presents though we are a present giving family. Receiving gifts is a challenge that many can’t hack. It’s the most difficult bit. No wonder so many people duck the whole thing. My mother was s great present giver ( though s poor receiver) and she hasn’t been dead long. It’s very hard to buy presents for everyone and not her. As for my grandchildren she even tells me which books to buy by whom. Basically she is an insecure control freak. I wouldn’t be impressed by a hamper of jams either, hold in there grit your teeth and pass them on. I think it is one of the challenges of Christmas and gifts are an ancient force, the ritual not to be lightly dispensed with. Buy her some bath salts

I think a lot of us are in this position, however is it the fact that your DIL buys the gifts that rankles so much. So many of us would be glad of the 'in law' type relationship, instead of being totally ignored. We always get somethings we would never use or even like but if they are given with love so what. Seems to me we are talking DIL/MIL problems mostly. Just a thought ?

I would be more inclined to ask myself.... if my DS is so kind , thoughtful and sensitive why he chooses to never spend Christmas together and doesn’t know your preferences enough to give some guidance to his poor wife who leaves the room when you visit and is “not busy either working or raising your grandchildren and buying you inappropriate gifts”.

You haven’t received a thank you note from her gift? And did you receive one from your DS? I honestly think the gifts are the last thing that I would be worried about ! I would be thankful they want to try and keep a tradition and work a lot harder on making a closer relationship with DS & DIL.

Tilly unless it's bath bombs you can use bath cream in the shower. My daughter only showers so if she gets a bath bomb I offer to swap for some nice shower gel
My children took to giving hampers to their very elderly grandparents but they were carefully chosen. Often they would use the basket for plants.Now it is just one extremely elderly grandparents and when I visit I take a Waitrose hamper crate and fill it for grandad as he doesn't eat jam, anything with dried fruit in doesn't drink tea, diesnt like jam, can't drink booze cos if the medication, so we compromise and find some nice lowish alcohol beer. Takes a bit more effort but everything is eventually eaten . He dies get some hampers from kind friends and takes them graciously and just regifts the things he doesn't eat to friends who do like them or carers chiropodist or the district nurse. This year popped some nice lip cream and soap in too
My mother in law used to get me no end of odd things, things that didn't fit for example, and I think she had just got them out of her wardrobe as they'd not take them back for a bigger size, or awful beige tights. I don't mind regifts get but only if the item is suitable for the person.

Donate the delicious hamper to a food bank and for future birthday/ Christmas suggest they suprise you with a £5.00 (change the amount as desired) present that must come from a charity shop. This appeases their need to give, gives you a suprise and helps out a local charity. Win, Win, Win!
Happy Christmas ?

They're obviously trying to think of things bless them. Be thankful and pass on, don't waste. However I do an amazon list now and tell everyone If you're looking for ideas I have an amazon list. They may be grateful! And its still a surprise.