What should I do about DIL giving me unsuitable presents?

I would be grateful that they want to give a gift and accept it in the spirit it was given

I agree with many posters that you should just smile and graciously accept the gift. Be thankful it is a lovely gift as this brings me in mind of a gift I received (other way round) from my mil..... a pack of underpants. Some might say I was ungrateful for putting them in the bin when I got home, but being told that she had bought them for herself and they were a bit tight and cut in after a while really put me off (yes I know I could have washed them, but the thought of her wearing them was quite awful).

How sad to complain over being given a present- yes, it was not entirely suitable but so many don’t receive anything so pass it on with satisfaction that someone else will benefit from some treats and that above all you have family in your lives. I feel rather sorry for your daughter in law.

We are doing a Secret Santa this year for the first time, adults only, kids stay the same. It's far less stress of trying to find gifts for family that are lucky in the sense they can buy what they want/need. It was my suggestion but I now feel guilty.

My Wish List on Amazon does the teick. My grown up kids can view it then decide between then what to get me...and as my birthday is also in December ...it helps them with that too. Although this Sunday ( birthday) they’re taking me out for lunch instead (or as well as!!).

There's nothing I need, so, for the last five years I have asked my close family to provide a gift for a family or a village in Africa. I've had chickens and goats which will provide both food and an income for the recipients. Passive aggressive? I don't think my sons see it that way. Usually they give me a little stocking filler too so that I won't feel left out when the presents are opened. This year, I have asked them all to donate to the Motor Neurone Association.

Grrrr. This is one of my pet peeves!
In this case, it’s particularly ironic given that the OP was complaining about thoughtless behaviours.

Someone resurrects an old thread just to add their pointless commment which then leads to a second pile on because subsequent posters don’t notice or bother to check the date of the original post.

Writerbird If you wanted to discuss the issue of thoughtless gift giving, then just create a new thread.

It’s not that difficult to do!

I would just say thank you for your gift. As others have said, foodbanks would appreciate the contents particularly at this time of year. You could then use the hamper itself perhaps for storage. Alternatively a local residential care home might enjoy a few extra luxury foods for the residents to enjoy. Either way this is a good gift to be able to donate at this time of year. You have said this year it's a hamper, so I,m guessing that other years there are different types of gifts that are also unsuitable. I am assuming that really deep down you would still prefer not to receive any gifts as your post suggests, but the AC see it differently. How do you reciprocate the gifts to them? maybe sometimes you don"t get it right either. There is no easy way, one size does not fit all. Perhaps next year you could suggest a limit to the amount you all spend on each other (much less than a hamper would cost) and just say in a friendly way that you are making a few cutbacks now over personal Christmas gifts and would like to help a few charities as well.

Have a look in here
www.goodgifts.org/
and request something that appeals to you. I received a bicycle for a midwife in a developing country from my kids a few years ago, and I was delighted with my present . Win-win..!

feelingmyage55 you said 'They obviously care about your you so beware of making them feel the love they are showing is not hitting the mark.' but I don't actually think this is correct. As Cabbie21 has stated she does not have much contact with Dil and does not see them over Christmas. The son is seeing money being spent on Dil's parents and probably insisting that the equivalent amount is spent on his without caring too much what is bought so it is he that needs to know how she feels. Could it be that in the past she has loved all the items in the hamper and he is remembering those times? Last year I could not think of anything to have as a Christmas present from my daughter so asked for a donation to Orangutan UK. I got a cuddly Orangutan, calendar and photos in addition to the donation. My son lives in another country and Dil thinks it is wrong to give money as presents so some gifts from them are not as appropriate but that is my fault for not giving them enough ideas. This birthday I got books (use a kindle) and DVDs (have Netflix, Sky and Prime so rarely watch DVDs) but they tried.

This is difficult as you don't want to hurt their feelings. I've a similar problem with BIL/SIL who still buy me things despite my suggesting, "Let's just exchange cards now," which they acknowledged but ignore.
It's nice to be thought of but I find it embarrassing as I stopped buying for them years ago.

For those of you who are trying to advise the OP: she posted on 28th December 2017
I think the problem 'might' have been resolved by now.

petra Gosh. Didn't notice that. Maybe it should be pointed out if it is a comment from the archive.

We go for making memories now instead of adult gifts. So we have a day out together, or could be a nice massage, a meal etc

As your DH is diabetic and you are concerned about your own weight, I think you would be perfectly justified in asking your son and DIL not spend their money on foodstuffs neither of you ought to eat.

Ask them nicely if it would be all right for you to give them a wishing list of one or two items you really would like.

You can easily find out what the hamper cost, so you have an idea of what kind of money they consider appropriate for a gift.

A magazine subscription was a great success this year most people gave me vouchers for my birthday

Am I missing something here? "My son is just too busy"! Well that's him off the hook then. He is your blood relative , your offspring. I hear a lot of daughters in law getting a lot of stick on GN. I wouldn't dream of blaming my son in law if my daughter didn't bother to buy me a present or if he didn't buy me my favourite thing. Can people just accept their presents gracefully as most of us are taught to do?

I can sense your hostility to your DIL so I would guess that she can too. Be careful what you wish for.

This is a bit off the point, but my Birthday was on Wednesday and I always say I dont need anything and dont want anything, if I do I buy it myself, ( what a wonderful time of life this is).
My Daughter-in-Law popped in this afternoon with a belated present, a bottle of my favoutire wine, Chardonnay, she knows me well! It was a lovely surprise.

You say you like flowers, I do as well. When my 3 dc asked what I would like for Xmas ? I said flowers. 1 bunch at Xmas, 1 in Jan and 1 in Feb. That way I get to enjoy lovely flowed for 3 months. You can not do anything this year but remember to make a fuss of your lovely flowers on your birthday and suggest how much you would love more at Xmas.

Ask them to give you charity gifts - this year I am giving some Save the Children gifts e.g. a school bag complete with things a child needs to go to school, mosquito nets, train a midwife - there are lots of them. You get a card saying which gift has been given in your name. I am also doing Toilet Twinning - they say "Flushing away poverty, one toilet at a time." Clean toilets don't contaminate your water supply, and they also teach hygiene. www.toilettwinning.org

We’ve been doing secret Santa for the adults in our family for years now and has been very successful. In early November we draw the names so we know who we are buying for and an amount is set. We can make suggestions of what we would like. Each adult then has one present they want and it has brought the focus away from presents and back to the enjoyment of being together for the day. It has been so popular that both my daughters have taken it into their in-laws Christmases.

Personally I would go back to the discussion not to give presents, then insist they give the equivalent to a charity of your choice or to give to the homeless or a food bank.

I say to my kids if I can't eat, watch it or wash in it don't buy it or ask for useful gifts like petsitting/ help with xx which costs them nothing but time and I find far more valuable. As for gift from a dil a pleasant word or acceptable behagiography would be the best gift from mine

ask for a gift voucher....this solves all gifts.