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Do I send a card, or not?

(42 Posts)
GreenGran78 Thu 13-Dec-18 00:11:54

I have always sent a Christmas card to a couple that I have known for a long time. This year I have a dilemma. The lady has terminal cancer, and has already lingered longer than expected.
I have already sent a nice 'thinking of you' card, a while ago, but what do I do about Christmas?
I don't want them to think that I am ignoring it, as they are both quite religious. On the other hand, I don't even know is she will be here at Christmas.
If I do send a card, what can I choose that doesn't have all the unsuitable jolly seasonal greetings?
Your suggestions would be most welcome.

Day6 Thu 13-Dec-18 00:39:40

I would send a card, but perhaps buy a blank one - that looks seasonal maybe? You could write your own greeting inside and also include the words "I am thinking of you" (again) or ones to that effect.

It is very difficult to send jolly festive greetings when you know someone is suffering.

SueDonim Thu 13-Dec-18 01:14:30

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

If they are religious then I'd have thought a card with a nativity scene would still be appropriate. Look for a single card, not one in a set or box of cards. Single ones tend to be a bit different from run of the mill cards, maybe look in an independent gift shop?

SueDonim Thu 13-Dec-18 01:31:40

On Googling, I've found 'thinking of you' Christmas cards on Amazon. If you scroll down the page, there are more choices. Amazon card

BlueBelle Thu 13-Dec-18 05:02:08

Sorry to hear about your friend of course you must send a card she s still alive I would think it’s important to keep everything flowing as normal and not treat her differently
You can certainly get blank Christmas cards and as she’s religious th at sounds ideal

travelsafar Thu 13-Dec-18 06:59:56

I had the same kind of dilemma very recently, but i found a card in CardFactory which was perfect, it just said thinking of you at Christmas.

mumofmadboys Thu 13-Dec-18 07:47:09

Maybe "Wishing you joy and peace at Christmas" and send a nativity scene

GrannyGravy13 Thu 13-Dec-18 08:12:07

I am in this situation, have sent a snowy scene, blank inside, I wrote wishing you a peaceful Christmas and New Year.

pensionpat Thu 13-Dec-18 08:35:57

My friends husband died a week ago, having moved house a week before. The funeral probably won’t be until after Xmas. I’ve sent flowers, but have decided not to send a new house card nor a Xmas card this year.

sodapop Thu 13-Dec-18 08:42:28

Yes please send your friend a card so she knows she is in your thoughts. A card with no printed message and you can add your own message such as ' with love at Christmas ' or whatever you think is suitable.

Charleygirl5 Thu 13-Dec-18 08:49:24

Definitely send a card- as others have said, buy a single card and write your own short message

Anja Thu 13-Dec-18 08:53:46

Of course send a card. Just choose an appropriate one.

Sealover Thu 13-Dec-18 08:59:38

Definitely send a card, if you don't it will appear they have gone already. I'm in a similar position, supporting a couple where the husband is at the end of his life and I'm picking up that his wife wants everything to be as sensitively as normal as possible.

b1zzle Thu 13-Dec-18 10:30:54

There's a card in T*e C*rd F*ct*ry which is so suitable for an occasion like this. (I've just sent one to someone who was recently bereaved. It's along the lines of 'thinking of you at this time').

hopeful1 Thu 13-Dec-18 10:37:28

Definitely send a card... I have a relative who is terminal who wants life as normal as possible, as he said "I'm not dead yet"!

Pythagorus Thu 13-Dec-18 10:41:43

Send a card. A fabulous card with a nativity scene .....

Lancslass1 Thu 13-Dec-18 10:53:04

Definitely send a card.
Surely you would have heard had your friend have died.
I would just send a card as you would have had you known they were both well.
If you can get a Christmas card without any writing on at all or just Christmas Greetings I would just write To A and B with love from C and leave it at that.

You have sent a "Thinking of you "card so they know that you are thinking about them

You may of course not receive a card from them as it is often the woman who writes the cards .

mabon1 Thu 13-Dec-18 11:01:53

Buy a blank card and write an appropriate message, but nothing jolly.

Hm999 Thu 13-Dec-18 11:04:57

Moonlit would make you a religious Christmas card with no message or a Thinking of You both message

moggie57 Thu 13-Dec-18 11:05:42

could you not get a card ,like a helen steiner card that has words of encouragement on them. or even look on the internet for the right words .i often make cards that have a verse from the internet on..nice thoughts.

GreenGran78 Thu 13-Dec-18 11:24:35

Thank you for your ideas. I will have a look in the Card Factory for something suitable. I just worry that she may slip away while the card is in the post.
She is an amazing woman. Having been in remission for some years, the cancer returned when she was 85. The best option, she decided, was ‘no treatment, and a prognosis of 3 years’.
She was 90 last August. She has never, ever, complained about her lot, or of feeling ill or in pain, but smiles and chats to visitors. Her husband says that she is on the highest dose of painkillers now, and can’t keep much food down, yet she is still cheerfully hanging on.
I wonder if she is determined to see one last Christmas? It is very difficult for her family. One lives abroad, and two live many miles away. They keep coming to see her as often as they can, each time wondering if it will be the last visit. Her husband, who is also 90, cares for her devotedly, and is an amazing man.
Their situation certainly puts into perspective any little niggles and twinges that I may feel like complaining about!

NannyG123 Thu 13-Dec-18 11:40:35

I Agree with others,send a card with a Christmas picture but blank inside where you can write your own words.

sarahellenwhitney Thu 13-Dec-18 11:41:59

If possible find a card with a prayer that befits their religion.
Your message should be simple such as 'with love and for ever in our thoughts.'

EmilyHarburn Thu 13-Dec-18 11:48:00

Send a card with a simple message and include your phone number under your signature. then if your friend dies it will be so much easier for a relative to ring you and tell you the sad news.

Aepgirl Thu 13-Dec-18 11:53:24

I think you must send a card. They would hate to think that you didn’t care. There are many suitable cards available, so choose one that is blank and you can put your own message in - something like we shall be thinking of you at Christmas.