Do I send a card, or not?

There are plenty of Christmas cards with a muted message. I'd send one with a muted religious picture or a star on a plain background and write 'Wishing you peace and love'.

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to reply. I will go card-hunting tomorrow, and get it off to them. I am one of the luckier ones in life. Not wealthy, but warm, well-fed and housed, healthy and with a family that all get along with each other.
I don't know how some of you cope with the burdens you carry.
I wish all you 'Gransnetters' the best possible Christmas, no matter what your circumstances are, and happier times in the New Year to those of you with problems in your lives.

The Card Factory shops have nice cards just saying "Thinking of you at Christmas"I have just sent one to a bereaved family, it seemed appropriate.

Yes I would definitely send a card, but the 'Thinking of You at Christmas' ones that others have suggested, there are some lovely ones around that show you are thinking of them but not saying have a wonderful time. All the best.

send a card, just a lovely one it doesn't have to be a jolly Christmas one my mum loved cards so much when she was ill and when she did die the cards made my dad feel that she hadn't been forgot.

You are right not to send a Christmas card. There is apparently some sort of etiquette that says no Christmas card for first year of being widowed. Don't think it is really followed nowadays but with friend's husband dying so near to Christmas would be quite insensitive

Speaking as someone who was widowed a few weeks before Christmas last year I honestly did not notice who did or did not send a Christmas card, but if DH had been alive I would have felt we had been written out of our friends’ lives.
So I have no idea what “etiquette” that might be.
Would you ignore a friend in that position?
Of course not.
Send a blank card with a personal message written it to show that you are thinking of them.

Yes the card factory do the perfect card. Thinking of at Christmas with warm wishes. The card you send will be so appreciated. When life chucks you a swerve ball you feel so alone. However if someone reaches out to you in a card it is such a comfort

My husband was dying over Christmas some years ago. Some people didn’t send a card.

Actually he was alive over Christmas. He died in January.

When his friends didn’t send a card it was like they were saying he was already dead and they had crossed him off the list.

And that I wasn’t worth bothering with as a soon to be widow.

Very hurtful.

You are right not to send a Christmas card. There is apparently some sort of etiquette that says no Christmas card for first year of being widowed. Don't think it is really followed nowadays but with friend's husband dying so near to Christmas would be quite insensitive.

What a good idea Jackie62 to get a card from Macmillan. Sad to hear you too have the insight of this predicament.

I work in the greeting card industry and we have this year been delivered a selection of cards for the very reason you mention. The front of them has a Christmas scene with the words “ caring thoughts” it doesn’t mention happy or greetings it is solely for someone in your position to send. If you can’t see them in a shop ask assistant as there are only a few designs.

Send a card and say you are thinking of them; if you are religious too, it does no harm to say that they are in both your thoughts and your prayers.

What about something like this from The Almanac Gallery Medici Forest Christmas Cards. A pretty card with simple words (Season’s Greetings). It would then be possible to add your own thinking of you message.

www.johnlewis.com/the-almanac-gallery-medici-forest-christmas-cards-pack-of-8/p3539205 I'm not sure how to include a link but maybe you could cut and paste this if it doesn't work.

Oxfam sell nice single cards with no message but a Christmassy design.

I understand where you are coming from.My husband is terminal & has only months only in his 50s.I have had couple msgs from people that like you don't know to send card or not.If it's any help the Mcmillan website sells Xmas cards for cancer patients that have right words x

As suggested... a nativity scene would be very appropriate. Wishing her peace x

Many charity cards are suitable. I have several wishing “peace at Christmas.”

I think you must send a card. They would hate to think that you didn’t care. There are many suitable cards available, so choose one that is blank and you can put your own message in - something like we shall be thinking of you at Christmas.

Send a card with a simple message and include your phone number under your signature. then if your friend dies it will be so much easier for a relative to ring you and tell you the sad news.

If possible find a card with a prayer that befits their religion.
Your message should be simple such as 'with love and for ever in our thoughts.'

I Agree with others,send a card with a Christmas picture but blank inside where you can write your own words.

Thank you for your ideas. I will have a look in the Card Factory for something suitable. I just worry that she may slip away while the card is in the post.
She is an amazing woman. Having been in remission for some years, the cancer returned when she was 85. The best option, she decided, was ‘no treatment, and a prognosis of 3 years’.
She was 90 last August. She has never, ever, complained about her lot, or of feeling ill or in pain, but smiles and chats to visitors. Her husband says that she is on the highest dose of painkillers now, and can’t keep much food down, yet she is still cheerfully hanging on.
I wonder if she is determined to see one last Christmas? It is very difficult for her family. One lives abroad, and two live many miles away. They keep coming to see her as often as they can, each time wondering if it will be the last visit. Her husband, who is also 90, cares for her devotedly, and is an amazing man.
Their situation certainly puts into perspective any little niggles and twinges that I may feel like complaining about!

could you not get a card ,like a helen steiner card that has words of encouragement on them. or even look on the internet for the right words .i often make cards that have a verse from the internet on..nice thoughts.

Moonlit would make you a religious Christmas card with no message or a Thinking of You both message

Buy a blank card and write an appropriate message, but nothing jolly.