Just for laughs

Got the tree up?

My wife asked me if I would like a new phone for Christmas. Not really, I told her. I have only ever had two phones. One was an analogue that I liked, the second is something from Apple, that I don't much like. I mean why call it an IPhone when you put it to your ear.
When I came across this poem by one, Rick Cotton, I thought, "Well at least you have cracked getting it internet connected, I'll get there, give me time."

© Rick W. Cotton
My new phone is "smart." I guess that I'm not.
Amazing what all this here smart phone has got.
TV and Weather and Internet, too.
There's just no limits to what it can do.
Check my blood pressure and my temperature
Without even probing all my apertures.
I now know the time in Paris or Greece.
I can track the migration of thousands of geese
Or find Chinese food; it's here on this map.
Oops, my finger just slipped, now where was that at?
A camera...a CAMERA! Now I can take shots
Of everyone I know (who'd rather I not).
Push this here button and take me a "selfie."
(If it had a nose would this thing take a "smellfie"?)
Email to pester with, video to shoot,
Maps to drive 'round with, wow that's a hoot!
A compass to guide me home if I'm lost.
Thank God work paid for this thing (what it COSTS!).
The things that it does would amaze Mr. Bell.
What he would have thought of it, no one can tell,
But one question's still stuck in my middle-aged craw.
Despite all the gizmos that strike me with awe,
They're fun and they're useful and "techy" and all
...But how do I just simply make a phone call?

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yehbutnobut, that made me laugh so much I had tears running down my cheeks. Have already copied and sent to family and friends, hilarious.

For those stressing already....

MawB2 ??

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Must have missed that subsection para 2b

Yehbutnobut ...I havent seen that before, made me chuckle
Thank you for starting this thread!

There was a most irreverent Christmas card I bought years ago (only for those who I knew would enjoy it.)

It was the traditional scene of shepherds watching their flocks by night, complete with angels in the sky, coming to tell them the good news.

Only there was a bubble coming out of one shepherd’s mouth, saying, ‘Bugger off! You’re scaring the sheep!’

Meant to add, thanks very much for all these! I needed a laugh this morning.

Love that one Daddima ?
I would use that to make Christmas cards if I could be bothered making any.

Love this thread. What on earth have you been posting Mawand Lucca ?
One snowman says to another, “ Do you smell carrots?”

Doesn't have to be much to get deleted these days Parsley3

Love these, cheered me up during a sad time, thank you.

Re the ‘stressed Christmas cats’ one, I forwarded that to my cat-loving SiL (she usually has about 6 elderly rescue/foster cats) - and she just replied saying, ‘Don’t forget the odd newly arrived bag or box that gets left by the front door and which therefore must be peed on immediately to neutralise any threat to the feline inhabitants.’
?

My card to Orlin last year

I've had a good laugh at these.

Oh I love a good laugh, there is a shop in Cambridge that sells the nastiest cards Xmas cards etc, I couldn’t possibly post the ones I’ve read, a bit too norty lol

Naughtiest ??

I have a memo pad from scribblers, it’s on a magnetic on my fridge at this very moment, I dare not send a pic, I’d be thrown off gransnet ???

Now this is funny ?
From today’s DT

What’s up, dock? Bugs Bunny and pals due in court after IT error
CARTOON characters Mickey and Minnie Mouse were set to appear in the dock, after an IT error meant they accidentally appeared on court listings

Initial lists issued on behalf of Stoke-on-Trent Crown Court suggested Bugs Bunny, Road Runner, Buzz Lightyear and Sleeping Beauty were due for mention in hearings yesterday

Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse and Donald Duck were also listed as being due before a judge from 10am

True !

No one should concern themselves with Christmas this year as it is looking like it will be cancelled. Apparently, the World Health Organisation are accusing Santa Clause of planning what could become a super spreader event on the evening of the 24th of December. They are also alleging that the size of his Lapland bubble is beyond legal limits and that many of the elves are refusing to wear masks. ??

www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwjH6Yrjlv_sAhWRiFwKHbfPBYEQyCkwCXoECAQQAw&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DGZQROJsdYF0&usg=AOvVaw2225kWLWdw71J3md3yz_Jl

Is that who the Marx brothers referred to as the “Sanity Clause” ?