I love them honest I do but I’m glad they’ve gone.

CarlyD7 I think you make a useful point there. My two sons live fairly close and come and stay often throughout the year so Christmas is simply more of the same. The whole extended family also get together on a self-catered holiday every summer and so we are used to rubbing along. In fact Christmas is easier because at least my own kitchen is better equipped than most holiday homes and I have plenty of bedrooms.

The tradition of family holidays/Christmases goes back to before I joined my husband's family and I have simply carried it on, but it means that my children have always spent a great deal of time with extended family and have benefited enormously from doing so. Where we are especially fortunate is that my lovely daughter-in-law comes from a family with very similar traditions and so has embraced it too.

Sussexborn we had Christmas lunch out last year but it cost a fortune and was very disappointing. So this year I did it again but I bought ready prepared food. Still a challenge and very tiring but OK. We actually had a very nice time, but being cooped up with boistous, over excited and emotional small children is hard and very noisy when you are not used to it.

I have one part of the family yet to arrive. I know the children will have had enough even before they get here. Yes of course I love all my family but will be happy to see them go as well!

We all feel the same I think: it is lovely that they come, but it is also lovely when they leave.

One or two points to consider: you can ask family to contribute to the expense of Christmas dinner. After all, if they stayed at home they would be buying the food themselves.

You can also delegate some of the cooking, washing up etc.

I'm lucky, the first time my DIL came for Christmas, she bought a smoked leg of Icelandic lamb with her and said she hoped I didn't mind she had done so, because she hoped we would care to sample a traditional Icelandic Christmas dish on Boxing Day. She and DS did all the cooking and washing up that day and helped on the other days.

I’m so pleased they all get on, two of my grandchildren ages 9 and 10, are absolute best friends, they all look out for the toddler and the older ones join in.

What’s hard, and this isn’t only at Christmas is that everything takes place at our house, because we’ve got the space, we keep threatening to bur a little cottage, they think were joking, but maybe we aren’t!

When I read this these sort of comments...I know why I follow Gransnet...yes I also experienced the big family gathering...and yes we love to see them all especially the older GC as they are at Uni...so we ended up with 12 of various ages plus a blind/deaf and diabetic dog...who on the first day was let out into our garden and promptly stepped off the top of a six foot wall and fell onto the patio with a loud yelp !! Really afraid to look at him...but he thankfully strolled off unscathed! as you can imagine very stressful from then on as we also have a pond ! So ended up with us in our 70's panicking every time he was let out and feeling the need to be with him...I have to say I do think you shouldn't be expected to have to automatically accept family dogs...sadly in this case our son is divorced and the dog too problematic to be accepted in kennels...Loved seeing them all we had a great get together...but nice and quiet now, big clean completed including floors washed and disinfected !! phew ?

I do so agree about the “feast or famine” comment. My AC and their families all live at least 1 1/2 hours from me, in two different directions, so popping in is not an option. Just waved the last ones off after taking them out to brunch/lunch. It has actually been staggered with next to no pressure on me so why am I knackered? (Apart from the driving?)
Weekend before Christmas, I was with DD2, SIL and DGS in Norfolk where they have a little house, then home for one night and then off to DD1, SIL and DGCs in Birmingham where DD3, SIL and baby DGS were also staying for Christmas Day and Boxing Day (joined by DD2 etc on Boxing Day ) then home on Friday followed about two hours behind by DD2, SIL etc who stayed last night with me before returning to London this afternoon . They are hoping to get back up to Norfolk on Monday for the week and New Year but are briefly touching base at home. I would rather not think of the miles they have clocked up.
Hattie was a little bit stressed at sharing her space with their dog Basil and is now stretched out on the sofa opposite me, heaving a huge sigh of relief.
But I would have been miserable on my own and recognise how lucky I am to have a happy healthy family who all get on well with each other and enjoy each other’s company. Counting my blessings indeed.

morethan2 I know exactly how you feel! We are bracing ourselves for a visit from our three sons and their families (fourteen of them in total) there will be 17 of us for a New Year dinner. We really do love seeing them and appreciate that they make the 200 mile round trip to visit us - but my goodness it's hard work! The next few days will be spent cleaning and airing bedrooms, changing linen, cleaning carpets, bathrooms and floors, and planning meals and shopping. Fortunately we all get along really well and the GC love spending time with us and their cousins, so no worries about family tensions etc. But I know we will breathe a big sigh of relief when they leave...... until the next time. Now, back to the chores.

morethan2 love it. Me too one week of sheer stress I swear I should have Travelodge above my front door, all the cooking, cleaning etc I’ve done. I admit I make a better Mam being three hours away from children. To the ‘oh be glad they came’ lot I have severe depression and making a Christmas Dinner was a mammoth task for me

What's funny is they probably feel guilty for not coming over like that more often. LOL.

We had a lovly Christmas Dinner,this year I had delegated a bit, we were resposible for the turkey,my Daughter had the potatoes par boiled when she arrived, her Husband was in charge of them in the oven.My Daughter in Law brought cooked carrots, cooked sprouts we were in charge of the gravy etc,what a difference that made the time spent usually peeling potatoes and other veg, it was so easy this year, roll on next year! Everyone was happy with their contribution, most of all me!

I was ill from christmas eve,still am,but now ive got right diagnosis(hopefully) and antibiotics that dont make me worse,( long story) then i will be ok eventually.But,in meantime,i attended 2 trips to urgent care,early hours xmas day,then afternoon boxing day,and 2 ambulance ladies (one about maybe early 50's?)said she'd had all TEN grandchildren round xmas day,the other lady,bit younger,maybe late 30's,early 40-ish?)had older teenagers,BOTH said they were glad to be at work to be honest,& have a break!

My daughter showed me a clip on You Tube with Eddie Murphy (under the SNL heading for Saturday Night Life), with a Dad at the head of the table, thanking everyone for coming for the festive season. This was broken up with shots of the "real" thoughts he was having - it is such a hoot and ticked all the boxes with Christmases past and present! I think Christmas is like childbirth: you soon forget the pain until the next time! Do find this clip if you can, you'll realise you are not alone!
Happy New Year to you all

Visitors, like fish, go off after 2 days! ..... even if they are family!

My 2 youngest 'boys' made fair job of a turkey dinner to be fair,(under lots of instruction via iphone,from older siblings)) and i couldnt really eat much,but it was not as big a 'hoo-hah' as we usually have,or on boxing day,but it has been a lot quieter this year!(apart from hospital dashes,obviously)

I have totally run out of energy just driven mum home to Peterborough .DD1 and SIL 2 DGD, have returned home this morning .Mil invited herself ( SIL was supposed to be taking her mum for once long story ) and had to sleep on the sofa .But a bit of peace and quiet after mass catering and constant clean up !loved having my frail mum staying so seeing DGD's but much as we love them nice to be relaxed .Getting a takeaway and a beer we deserve it before I return to work Monday morning

Next year,illnesses permitting,ive begged them for us 3 to go have a holiday somwhere abroad for christmas,with no hassle,

Not really an Eddie Murphy fan but I did enjoy that clip ? Thanks Dahlia.

Lovely thread, reading all these posts, makes me feel normal ☺.I'm glad my family live very close to me so at least they don't have to sleep over, which seems to bring a lot more work Mine came for boxing day, 10 of us in a small house, we managed with a buffet, had a lovely time , but a sigh of relief when they went home .Time you catch my breath until next time.

There’s a letter in the Irish Times from a lady called Kathleen Keyes which is a hard but beautiful read which I think is worth sharing, with good wishes to us all

My Son, wife & 2 little GD’s come on Boxing Day (see them at least once a week) but I never see my other 2 GD’s though I always get a call telling me what to get them for Christmas. They don’t even bother to ring on Christmas Day. The younger one did sent a text to say ‘thank you for my presents. The eldest has a birthday on 30th Dec too. She always gets a gift and cash or money into her account. Last year she got a ring & £200 into her account for her 18th birthday and still didn’t bother to ring and thank us, I had to ring my Daughter to find out if she’d got the ring, sent special delivery, yes, came the text back, she’s been really busy sorting everything out for her party. Sadly every time something breaks down or in 2 instances she’d lost or dropped her phone down the loo ‘can we get her another one. And they needed a new boiler... no hot water or central heating.... we always get the call when something is wanted or goes wrong! We have both been really ill this December, if our youngest son hadn’t come and put the decs up we wouldn’t even have had a tree! It took me all my time to wrap the presents for my stepson to deliver as he goes to his fiancé’s every weekend ( she lives in our home town) and 2 weeks over Christmas. I know they don’t live in the same town as us but I haven’t seen them for nearly 3 years! Am I being stupid to feel hurt? And, no, I haven’t bothered ringing them this year so no doubt I’ll be the bad guy!

I’m dreading the New Year. My husband is terminally ill and we have probably just had our last Christmas together. I managed to get through Christmas but dreading New Years Eve. I aim to be in bed at midnight. So very different from last year. My heart is breaking for him, for us and I want to wake up from this nightmare. Im really trying to enjoy what time we have together but I can’t because I know what is to come. Is there a magic answer? Any advice would be welcome.

About 10 years ago we had (in addition to me and dh) 2 x dds plus an Aussie friend of theirs, 2 of our friends and their 2 dogs (we had one) plus my sister and niece from the US - all staying for 4 days or more!
It was actually a lovely Christmas, but took a lot of planning and shopping for meals.

I still have a fond memory of all 3 lovely dogs (all now RIP ?) sitting and looking very politely hopeful in the kitchen while I was stripping the turkey!

Last Christmas it was 6 adults, 2 little Gdcs, all staying. It was fine, esp. since I’d really never thought I’d be doing a family Christmas again.
Does get more tiring as you get older, but I’d be happy to do it again - at least for now.
And there was definitely a ‘phew’ moment once it was back to just us and P and Q.

4 days with you - and bringing 2 dogs as well. That’s quite a lot!
My daughter came (with partner and dog) for a 24 hour stay. Much more manageable and lovely to see them. However the dog is huge and I just can’t deal with him for more time than that. Really people shouldn’t foist their pets on others who are not comfortable with them. What is it about people and their dogs??? They get a dog and then become supremely selfish and lose all sense of perspective and empathy. I get annoyed when she expects us to change our habits (and shut out our cat!!) to accommodate her dog.

Sb74 You are enjoying your 11 and 13 year-olds - would that I had those days again!! We do appreciate our ACs and GCs especially at Christmas but there are limitations to coping abilities when one gets older. I think the various experiences here are reassuring to most.