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I love them honest I do but I’m glad they’ve gone.

(158 Posts)
morethan2 Fri 27-Dec-19 17:40:44

My son, their two children and two dogs have left after a lovely four days together and to be honest I’m glad to see the back of them. The dogs are the most stressful they get under my feet, follow me round all day. It’s probably because I smell of turkey and Christmas food. Boxing Day I had 14 to cater for.
After all the shopping, all the cooking not to mention the expense I wonder if it’s worth all the fuss. I can hardly believe I’m saying this, I can hardly believe I mean it. I wonder if I’ll regret thinking it in years to come when they don’t come. Is it just me or do any of you feel the same?

PamGeo Fri 27-Dec-19 17:44:41

ahhhhh ... relax and breathe ... oh the sheer bliss of your own home. You'll soon feel better

Nortsat46 Fri 27-Dec-19 17:51:27

I agree with PamGeo, you’ll soon feel better ... you’re over tired. I’m sure you gave them all a lovely Christmas.
Now ... feet up, your favourite music, a good book and a glass of something nice ...

Sussexborn Fri 27-Dec-19 17:54:56

I can remember my Mum saying “It’s lovely to see them come and lovely to see them go”.

Perhaps we get rather set in our ways and need a jolt now and then just to liven things up.

We ate out which was pricey but worth every penny. Delicious meals, no serious food shopping, no veg peeling, food prep, cooking and best of all no washing up and clearing the decks. I wasn’t too sure when it was first discussed but went really well.

notanan2 Fri 27-Dec-19 18:01:34

They're probably also glad to be back home. Even if they had a lovely time. Its quite an exhausting time of year, especially when everyone is indoors so much.

At least in summer your guests can spill out into the garden or you can go for longer days out. Winter visits/visitors are more "intense"

Enjoy the peace, till next time!
And feel no guilt everyone feels that way at the end of visits/visiting

notanan2 Fri 27-Dec-19 18:05:41

Its bedtime that gets me, its like a game of poker grin do they want to go to bed early but wont say until you say, or do they want to stay up and chat?

Its so nice to just go to bed when youre tired without having to try to gauge your guests/hosts!

Doodledog Fri 27-Dec-19 18:07:45

I think that mine forget that whilst this used to be their home, it is where their dad and I actually live, and they visit.

I love them both (and the dog - I could nearly have written your post!), but when they leave tomorrow, I can't pretend I won't breathe a sigh of relief to have some privacy and know where everything is for a while.

TrendyNannie6 Fri 27-Dec-19 18:16:32

It is hard work isn’t it, but lovely to see them, I would find son and two children fine, but I wouldn’t relax with the two dogs under m6 feet so I can definately see where you are coming from, and I’m a dog lover,

notanan2 Fri 27-Dec-19 18:19:05

I have a sort of "sense" where my own pets are. Like a spacial awareness of them. But know exactly what you mean about other peoples pets at your feet. Some do seem to always be right at your heals making you constantly on edge that you will either stand on them and kill/maim them (can you imagine shock ) or you'll trip over them and break your neck!

kircubbin2000 Fri 27-Dec-19 18:25:05

I'm glad to be back home too. I know my son tried hard and meant well but the money wasted on tickets and taxis to an event I didn't want to go to and hated is hard to get over. I had to pretend it was great but surprises are not always a good present.

lemongrove Fri 27-Dec-19 18:32:11

I think it depends on how old you are, and how well you are.
I really don’t think that anyone between the ages of 65-75 should be doing all the hosting,cooking serving and clearing up after a family of four.It’s too much, especially for 4 days!
Either get them to come for half that time next Christmas or tell them that you would love to see them, but can’t do what you used to, so that they will all have to pitch in for the future.
Nothing wrong with setting a few boundaries.I think our children don’t realise that Mum and Dad are not the people they used to be energy wise.

Ginny42 Fri 27-Dec-19 18:32:27

Glad it's not just me and I love having my DD and DGS here, but she is soooo untidy. I know I'm a pain about tidiness, but I felt I was just walking round the place returning things to where they belong, so I've just had to chill.

I will miss the nerf gun firing pellets down the hall and the games and stuff lying around, but the house will be silent and tidy when they're at home a couple of thousand miles away, and I'll be wishing them back.

Urmstongran Fri 27-Dec-19 18:41:16

Family yes. Two dogs? No thanks. That’s what kennels are for. Get them booked in early next visit.

lilypollen Fri 27-Dec-19 18:50:29

It's the planning, shopping, catering, bedding, towels, bathrooms, laying table, constant crockery washing and DH thinks it appears as if by magic. I loved the family, eight this year, being together but in my 60s I do feel it is lot to do. And of course we have all the boxes, wrapping, cans, bottles etc to recycle too. However, next year if they go to other rellies and can't be here on the 25th I'll be looking back on this Christmas through rose-tinted specs!!

notanan2 Fri 27-Dec-19 18:55:43

On the plus side if we never had a full house of visitors we would never get new pillows!

I only notice how awful our pillows have got when I have to count how many "decent" pillows we have for upcoming guests: then I realise they all need replacing and go out and buy better ones!

Sara65 Fri 27-Dec-19 19:18:33

Last ones just left!

I love having them, but two extra families is hard going! Love having them here, all the cousins get on well, and the girls pull their weight, but the house is a tip, we had pre arranged outdoor activities yesterday, and it tipped with rain. One child was up all night being sick, next morning, one child had to have a visit to A & E, all the bed changes, piles of towels, sticky little fingers everywhere dishwasher on constantly, honestly, I love them all dearly, love seeing them, but, I am so looking forward to a peaceful evening.

notanan2 Fri 27-Dec-19 19:25:17

Yea that's another thing that begins to grate, and it has nothing to do with who the guests are or how they behave:

The noise of the dishwasher being on constantly. It a low level irritation that begins to fry the nerves.

On a "normal" day we load it in the evening, but put it on on our way put the door after breakfast things are added.

The dishwasher being on constantly means that everyone needs to speak slightly louder, telly or music volume needs to be up slightly higher. And its just sensory overload!

My ILs are lovely but they dont get the concept of holding onto "your" cup or glass. So if they take you up on an offer of re-fills of tea or wine etc, they expect it in a new/clean glass or cup!

Sara65 Fri 27-Dec-19 19:30:11

My husband tells the children they’re going to be allocated a glass at the start of the visit, and they’ve to hang on to it, and re use it, do they take a scrap of notice? Of course not!
He reckons he washes up about fifty glasses a day.

welbeck Fri 27-Dec-19 19:32:22

i hate the assumption that women will organise and do most of the work in arranging xmas gatherings, meals etc.
but also some women take upon themselves this role and guard it fiercely, then complain men expect them to do everything.
why don't they give a list of things they need others to do.
I think the martyr syndrome is in play sometimes.
why don't they just say they have decided to rest this year and will be interested to see how everyone else chooses to mark xmas, ie the people who usually are waited upon.

Sara65 Fri 27-Dec-19 19:35:20

To be fair to my husband, he pulls his weight, but we’ve both got awful colds and coughs, and everything has seemed hard work this year.

grannyactivist Fri 27-Dec-19 22:05:40

Mine are still with me and have been very helpful during their stay. They’re away tomorrow, day and night, but back on Sunday - along with their two dogs. No complaints here though, my son and his lovely wife cooked dinner tonight and they’ve been a joy to be with. I have loved watching my sons playing silly games together and enjoying each other’s company. When they do leave on the 2nd January I’ll be going back to work after months of illness, so it’s been useful to see what I can cope with before my energy levels give out.

CanadianGran Fri 27-Dec-19 22:19:22

I'm always amazed at the young adults who suddenly forget how to make lunch or coffee when mum and dad are around to do it! Haha

We didn't have a houseful, only for a few hours on Christmas day. But we did have MIL who is elderly and can barely walk spend two nights. She even now has trouble with her walker. Living in a retirement home, the doors are wider, but here at our house she often got stuck trying to get to her room or the bathroom. I'm certainly glad to have her, but it is tiring.

dragonfly46 Fri 27-Dec-19 22:25:54

I think it is the extra stress this year Morethan I think you are amazing flowers

Flowerette Fri 27-Dec-19 22:47:47

I my this forum is amazing
Loved for a week with son wife to be and her 4 month old baby, adorable .. ( not our sons.. he’s adopted him and I love him so much l)
.. it’s been a while new experience for us .. first time grandparents and living with youngest son ( we have two sons ) for the first time in ages
I’m relieved they going as much as it’s all been lovely .. I think the novelty for her has worn off’s a long story .. I’ve been upset but I’m learning fast that being paternal grandparents is going to be a bumpy road me thinks .. for 4 Months I’ve been supporting by text ( they live 140 miles away) and visited just after baby born ... long story .. health care abroad as better treatment they insist etc .. I accidentally upset her and I’m mortified after us getting on so well ... I said, as a joke ( think a translation and expression difference ) “ I can’t promise smith baby will be a quiet when they cry .... well I caused a problem as his mum upset that I separated the baby (unwittingly) to any future blood grandchild .... s
mum suddenly disappeared upstairs and didn’t even say goodnight and my son stormed off upset not knowing what to say or do as was feeling torn between us
I’m so upset .. I apologised profusely as my intention was not upset but a giggle .. I said my comment came from a good place and that baby is not loud when he cries .. I spent 2 hours trying to pic up the pieces and it feels different ... I told them having a child knackering and stressful and they must be feeling that too ::: help! Lol .. I feel so upset ..; her mum is living abroad and I try to make her feel as at home as possible you know ? Wedding in feb .. I said she’ll be stressed and so will my son but that only natural .. ( eldest got married 18 months ago)
We’ve had a heart to heart and told her we were worried when we knew son going to take on a baby and she said her mum would have felt the same ...Any tips or similar experience of putting foot well and truly in mouth without intending to and feeling upset ? .. thank you .. any tips would be very welcome 😘😘

Grammaretto Fri 27-Dec-19 22:50:30

We left DD promptly because our visitors were due but I was just beginning to feel the tension rising so it was good to leave on good terms.

Today, my visitors called off, pleading feeling poorly so we had an evening by ourselves watching our new boxed sets and eating our dinner on our laps by the fire. Very nice.